The Attic

Mom, you were only fifty years old…

Was all I could think as I packed up my mom three-bedroom home. The very home I was raised in and the very last place that my mom took her last breath at. I looked around and shook my head at how much more I had to pack. I had no siblings; I was an only child. My dad died when I was only fourteen years old. Since then, it’s been only my mom and me. And now it was just me. I grabbed a few trash bags as I headed up to the attic. I haven’t been up there since I was a teenager. I’m twenty-five now so you can do your own math on that. To get to the attic, I had to grab a chair from the hall closet so that I can reach the string attached to the attic door. I was only 4’9, Mom use to always handle all the “tall-things” for me.

As I pulled the attic door down, out came the little stairs I remembered as a kid always playing on. I put one foot on the first step and my ears rang from all the loud squeaks that ran through my ears to down the hall then throughout the entire house. I continued up and I was there in the attic, my old hiding spot. I threw my bags down as I flicked on the light. Whew, it was a lot up here, but I only had so much time. I had intentions on selling our home. Mom was gone and there were too many memories here that would break me down daily if I stayed here. Mom’s insurance was only enough to bury her beautifully, so I had nothing. Absolutely nothing! I was able to list the house down for $189,250. That was pretty high for an old modern home in the Uptown of New Orleans, Louisiana.

Soon as I sell, I’m going to move to Los Angeles and chase my dreams as an actress. Without Mom I no longer wanted to be in Louisiana at all! I began bagging up old clothes that were in a trunk. I decided I’ll give all Mom clothes to The Goodwill. I’m selling everything and starting completely fresh. I was moving rather swiftly, before I knew it the attic was empty besides the books that were on an old dusty bookshelf. I decided to make two piles one for the kids books and one for more grown or educational books. The kid books I was going to save for my future kids, at least they’ll have something from my childhood since I won’t be able to raise them here.

There were only two more books left to separate. My fav, The Cat in The Hat and a simple plain small black notebook. I put my fav in my kids pile and the small black notebook in the other then reached for a bag for each pile. I threw the kids books into one bag then tied a strong tight knot. As I reached for the other pile, the black notebook stood out to me. Maybe because it was small, way smaller than the books that I sat it on top of. I sat down Indian style and reached for the small black notebook; I was very curious at this point. The first page was empty, the second page was empty, as well as the third page. I closed the notebook with a confused look on my face. I threw it in the bag and tied a knot. I dropped both bags down the stairs before I climbed out and closed the attic door.

I went into the living room to take a well needed break. It was 7:42 PM now and I’ve been at this since this morning. I flopped down onto the couch and turned the tv on with the remote. “Let’s see what’s on”, I said out loud as if I wasn’t the only one in my home. I scanned the tv guide and my eyes were distracted by seeing that The Notebook was coming on at 8:00 PM. As if I had an epiphany, my mind kept repeating The Notebook The Notebook. I hopped up and ran down the hall to the two garbage bags full of books, I was going to give that small black notebook another glance. I didn’t label the garbage bags so before finding what I was looking for they both had a rip in them unfortunately.

I ran back into the living room as if someone were chasing me for their precious cargo. I became comfortable on the sofa and chose to flip all the pages back-to-back instead of flipping them one by one like I did in the attic. I noticed writing mid flip in the middle of the small black notebook. I was able to catch it perfectly the third time.

On the top line read:

Sonya, this is for you…

I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It was a letter from my dad. How is this possible? My dad died eleven years ago. It couldn’t be! I wiped the tears from my eyes and continued to read…

Sonya, this is for you…

If you’re reading this, you must be packing the house up because your mom has passed away as well.

We both never wanted to have this conversation with you face to face, or just ever.

Your mom maybe told you I died from Lung Cancer, but it was indeed HIV.

Both, your mom and I has had HIV since the 80’s.

We knew that there was no cure so we married and chose to be one together.

We had no plans on ever having kids, but then you came along.

We never not once thought about not having you!

You were our BLESSING, babygirl.

We were unable to raise our insurance due to the disease.

I know that we were all you had…

Look behind the bookshelf where you found this notebook and you’ll find $20,000.

It’s all yours, go be great!!!

-Love Dad.