Thanksgiving Traditions

I remember going to my grandparents’ home every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas while growing up. My mom’s family was huge with her and five brothers, then all the kids. My grandmother with the help of my mom and the other wives made a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner with all the trimmings. We always had a huge turkey, stuffing, casserole dishes, potatoes, veggies, and desserts. This was one time during the year that I got to see most of my cousins, at least while we were all young.

Grandma was such a great cook and loved having her family around her at the holidays. A great time to catch up with everyone and enjoy the company of family. Many times the kids spent the night to make it a full holiday with family.

I had five uncles and aunts, and many cousins. But as we grew older, some would go to other family dinners, others had to work. and so on. It was sad to see that slow down but life continues for everyone.

We never missed a Thanksgiving at grandma’s because we lived the farthest away at that time and this was one guaranteed time with them. We were about 30–40 minutes from their house and we lived in a different state. I remember looking forward to playing with my cousins and later, just catching up.

Unfortunately, my grandfather ended up in a state hospital for mental illness and the pain to make those huge dinners started to affect my grandmother. We eventually moved the dinner to my house.

Nothing was ever the same from then on. Mom would cook dinner with my sister-in-law. Our meals were still amazing and why wouldn’t they be with mom learning from grandma? So, Thanksgiving was still a home-cooked meal and conversation.

As time went on, my grandmother moved into our house so mom could help her. My grandmother had severe rheumatoid arthritis. I had never seen her without crippled hands, but she did not let that stop her. However, when it became too hard to walk or dress herself, my mom took her in.

In 1992, my grandfather passed away in January. I had flown back from California where I was in Navel School for his funeral. Not too much after that (March), my grandmother ended up in the hospital on life support. To say that my mom was mad is an understatement. She did not want her mom on life support. However, because she was on support, I was able to fly back again and say goodbye this time.

On my way back to Los Angeles, my grandmother had passed. I was not able to stay due to school on Monday, but I am very glad I was able to say goodbye. Both she and my grandfather are buried in the same cemetery as my parents, so I get to visit when I am back east.

Mom continued having Thanksgiving dinners even when I went to my naval school in California. Eventually, my family moved back to Pennsylvania, and we were able to attend again.

After we all moved out of my parent’s house and Mom and Dad grew older, we came up with a new tradition for the holidays. We started going to Cracker Barrel instead of cooking at home because the group had become small. This became my family’s tradition.

The group was usually me, my daughter, my two brothers, my one sister-in-law, my niece and nephew, mom and dad. These dinners were a great time to catch up as we had been doing before. Afterward, we almost always went back to one of the houses and watched movies together.

As time went on, even this group became smaller. My younger brother had moved out of state to the west and my older brother was working. Then when my older brother divorced my sister-in-law, she and the kids did their own thing.

It eventually got down to just four of us going but I treasured all of it because I had spent a few holidays elsewhere. I spent one year in Brazil, and at least two holidays in California. When my dad passed on November 4, 2018, we still ate at Cracker Barrel as a memory to him with this newer tradition.

One Thanksgiving, the crew included Mom, me, my daughter, and her boyfriend. After that, just the three of us. But I continued the tradition. This year will be the second year without my mom, as she passed away in April 2022. However, it is a new tradition that we are including my community family.

My older brother has brainwashed 98% of my relatives against me so this year I am keeping the Cracker Barrel tradition with my daughter and two nonbiological family members. One took care of Mom when I had to leave in December 2021, and the other is one of my best friends here on the East Coast.

Make the holiday yours. Do not let bickering or fighting cause a ripple in your family and if you do not celebrate with your biological family, find your community to share it with.

Many do not celebrate Thanksgiving because it is built around a Native American genocide. I do not celebrate Thanksgiving based on what I had learned growing up, but I do celebrate it as a family get-together the being thankful for what I do have.

Today I am thankful for my younger brother and my sister-in-law who have stepped in to help me through some very tough grief and physical disabilities. I am thankful for my daughter and her not being in a manic state of bipolar during the holiday. I am thankful for my TikTok community. I am thankful I had 13 beautiful years with my fiancé, Mike, the 49 years I had with my dad, and the 53 years I had with my mom.

I know there are many of you who did not have that long with your parents, I know it was a privilege to have that time with them.