Teaching Our Kids the Value of Less

Kids usually want things all the time, and they emphasize it with “right now”. They live in the moment and express their every wish.

Sometimes this sounds like an avalanche of desires.

Their “right now” demands once felt like an overwhelming flood of wishes, and it triggered in me echoes of unmet childhood wants. I was projecting my own limitations into their actions.

My reactions were surprising, and they were transforming me from the inside.

In therapy, I learned that kids wanting stuff at the very moment is a normal developmental phase. What matters more is how we react and how we teach them to postpone their wishes. Eventually, they learn how to make small decisions about their real need for those things or desires.

Lessons of delayed gratification

After acknowledging this, I read about the principles of Adlerian psychology. This inspired me to implement a different, yet simple, strategy.

“Let’s make a list,” I proposed, and together, we penned down their wishes.

This simple act not only introduced the concept of delayed gratification but also encouraged introspection about their desires.

To give you a few examples:

• They learned to make lists of Lego sets they wished for.
• My eldest is collecting points from his math class instead of spending them right away on small trifles.
• My middle child has learned to save his chocolate candy from Halloween so that it lasts for more than a week.
• Even my youngest is voicing her opinions on the subject, explaining cutely how she will wait for her birthday to receive a present.
• Whereas we, their parents, decided to take our kids more for outside adventures or fun experiences rather than buying toys.

Challenge your thinking process

In this collaborative process, my children unknowingly taught me the importance of mindfulness and thoughtful consideration when teaching them the value of delayed gratification and minimalism.

“Replace “Do I want this?” with “Do I need this?” And help your son or daughter ask the same question. It’s one of the most important lessons they will ever learn.”

― Joshua Becker, Clutterfree with Kids: Change your thinking. Discover new habits. Free your home.

Taking this holistically, I looked back at my own limitations and beliefs.

My specific limiting belief was that “it is not reasonable to want more”. I grew up in the times of Communism in Romania, where scarcity was predominant and wanting stuff was not even talked about. There just wasn’t much to eat. Long queues and very little food in general, not to mention other things.

As soon as it was financially possible, my parents started to spoil us, and we fell into the other extreme. It was a good extreme; it finally felt like we could enjoy life.

Nowadays, however, we strive for balance. And teaching our kids to want less, is a difficult process. Unless we manage to show it by doing.

Final reflections

This whole process helped me to understand how I grew up and where I could change my current style. So far, in our family, we have learned to collaborate while learning together.

All in all, Adler’s emphasis on understanding the individual within the context of their experiences resonates. It offers a transformative approach to my parenting style, and I hope you find it useful as well.

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Please let me know in the comments what your thoughts are on this.

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Sources:

• Wikipedia on Alfred Adler
• Book on Amazon Individual Psychology (no affiliate link)

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***I originally published this story on Medium.***

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