Sudden Urge

So today, I was sitting at my desk in my room watching Hawaii five-0, my daughter on the computer in the living room watching YouTube videos on Minecraft. I am not sure what it was but out of nowhere I had this sudden urge to go and cuddle my daughter. So, we cuddled under a blanket and watched Casper. Then when that was done we watched Joseph, King of dreams.

This was a first for me to get an urge like I did to spend more time with my child. Maybe it was Sunday and I had the holy ghost whisper to me, maybe it was something on Hawaii five-0 that got to me and I needed to be close to her. Whatever the case, I decided to not fight it and cuddle with my child. I love my daughter and there are going to be days I just want to hide, and there might be moments where I'm getting that sense I need to be close to my daughter. Whatever the case may be, you bet your stars that I will do it every time.

Like I have said in my earlier posts, time with your child is precious and never waste the time you have with your child. Whether they are 6, 16, 30, or even 50 years old, no matter what, take the time to reach out to them and be there for them. There may come a time when they really don't want to be around you, like when they are 16 years old and they found this new girl or boy they really like and don't want you to embarrass them so they hide the person from you. If you teach them that they can come to you no matter what, then eventually they will come to you and know that through thick and thin no matter what the situation is.

Now, I speak like this because due to certain choices my own mother has made, I decided for the sake of my child and for me to heal emotionally, it would be the smartest move to cut communication off with my mother. And, maybe that is part of the reason I got the sudden urge to be close to my daughter today, but whatever the case, there are going to be hard days for me. All I have to do is look at my daughter and know I made the right decision. It also hurts me really bad on some days that I am in bed crying or I watch a movie about a mother/daughter relationship that I normally don't cry and I burst out crying because I miss my mother. It has been hard on me that my daughter has asked me about it, now some may say their mother is dead, but me, I don't lie to my daughter, all i tell her is that mema (grandma) and mommy are having issues so we don't talk to each other because of it. I never go into the details about our issues, but she understands that she doesn't see or talk to mema because mommy and mema are not getting along right now. She understands that I will always love my mom and when she misses my mom I bring out the The Night Before Christmas book that my mom recorded herself reading the story. So, I get to keep the tradition alive for the story and she doesn't forget what mema sounds like or looks like as there is a picture of my mom and I in her room that she gets to see every day.

The feeling for today: “Today is one of those days when I wish I was a little girl and could climb into my mother’s lap and cry until the hurt goes away.” - Pinterest