Stepmoms Must Avoid These 7 Common Mistakes

If you’re a stepmom looking to make your new family work out, then chances are you’ve tried everything you could think of to create that “perfect” family, right? However, you’ll be shocked to learn that you might be doing more harm than good if you make the following 7 common mistakes. Yes, there are many mistakes to be had, when trying to establish yourself as a good parent. Read on!

1. Envisioning An “Instant Happy” Family

“Many stepmoms will say that stepfamilies take some years to be an established family,” says Hannah Harrison, a family expert at UKWritings and Essay Services. “While you should still act and function like a family, you should still take it step by step. Don’t think that things will happen overnight, because they don’t. When you’re patient, the stepchildren will be more comfortable around you.”

2. Not Having A Plan

Having a plan is important for all stepparents. If you try to build your stepfamily home with someone else’s blueprint, you’ll make the wrong assumptions on what a real family is supposed to look like without seeing the consequences of such assumptions until it’s too late.

Therefore, learn all you can about the new territory before setting foot in it, and then make any necessary adjustments once you arrive. Once you see what’s there and make adjustments, you’ll have a plan in place. Plus, don’t hesitate to ask for help creating your plan.

3. Labeling The Family As “Blended”

Stepmoms must avoid the word “blended” at all costs. Why? Because developing a successful stepfamily is actually the opposite of “blending.” In other words, you can’t force things to happen the way you want them to. In fact, many step-couples are better off celebrating the differences in their family than trying their best to be tight-knitted. And, if you try to label your stepfamily as “blended,” then the family will be viewed as a taboo.

4. Being Blinded By Love

Now, it’s tempting to get caught up with loving your new husband. However, as a stepmom, you have to look at him in the big picture. He has children, right? So, don’t forget about them!

Being too wrapped up in your relationship will cause you to miss or misinterpret a child struggling with the additional changes. So, again, don’t forget the children. Show them you care, and that you’re willing to support them in coping with the changes.

5. Trying To Be The “Cool Parent”

Plus, it’s tempting to try and be the cool parents, and many stepmoms know this. Tactics like this can be doing more harm than good, when it comes to the children. Children will be pressured to like the stepparent; and the stepparent will be pressured to please them. It’s not a healthy relationship.

Therefore, take things slowly. If you want to do things with your stepchildren, then plan on a shared experience at least once a month. And, don’t stress yourself in trying to please – stepchildren will show their appreciation in their own way.

6. Being Malicious To The Biological Mom

“The stepmom must be respectful of the biological mom, no matter the situation,” says Natasha Fanny, a writer at Best Essay Writing Services and Ukservicesreviews. “While a missed child support payment or a missed school play may warrant a confrontation, don’t do it. Whereas, when you keep quiet about these things, you’ll nurture your bond with your stepchildren, because they don’t feel like you're making them choose between you and their real mom. Consider developing a relationship with the ex, as a means to be more comfortable and compatible with each other.”

7. Assuming A Parental Role Right Away

Finally, you mustn’t assert your authority without establishing trust from the stepchildren, even when your spouse tells you that it’s okay to do so. What will happen is that stepchildren will grow to mistrust and hate you for trying to tell them what to do.

Instead, don’t overstep boundaries. Be the caring and responsible adult figure. In fact, consider how other family roles like these carry themselves when dealing with children:

• A loving aunt
• A grandparent

And, as always, ask your spouse how you should best approach the children without coming off as too demanding or too lenient. By talking it out with your partner, you’ll get a clear consensus on how to properly parent the stepchildren.

Conclusion

Overall, be a stepparent isn’t easy. In fact, many stepmoms will agree that it’s not easy. Plus, stepfamily circumstances tend to be unique and diverse, meaning that many stepparents are stuck learning how to love and care for their new families through trial and error.

But the good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way. Even when times are tough, and children are still coping with the changes, stepmoms should still be strong through it all. Understand that not all families are perfect, and that perfection shouldn’t be the ultimate goal here. By taking these 7 common mistakes in mind, and avoiding them, you’ll create a sustainable stepfamily, and make love and kindness the central pieces to the family.