Stay at Home or Working Parent

As a single parent, I have had the opportunity to be both, a working mom and a stay-at-home mom. While some have never been granted the chance to choose, both roles are extremely important for the growth of both yourself and your children. As a working parent, you have an important role in making the money and ensuring that there is a roof over your head at all times. You wake up every morning and rush through your routine of getting dressed, brushing your teeth, and barely having enough time to grab a to-go cup of coffee. You shout at your kids to hurry out the door and all pile into your low-on-gas car for school drop-off. Your job isn’t just getting up and going to work but making sure everyone is up and out the door on time and in one piece. Time is of the essence and isn’t as easy as it sounds. Kids have their own clocks that have nothing to do with actual time. They are up when you wake them but can’t find one shoe. They are completely dressed but forgot to brush their teeth. When you almost reach their school for drop-off, they remember they left their homework at home but can’t remember where. As a working parent, you continuously have two jobs at all times. You sometimes find yourself staring at the moms or dads that are the easy-going, down-to-earth, stay-at-home parents. You sit in your car as your kids jump out of your vehicle and say bye to you. You commend all the other parents as they say goodbye to their kids without an ounce of rush in their steps. You think of how easy it is being able to go home and relax after drop-off. You desire that things could be as easy as that for you as well. You admire and even envy them for the life you wish you had.

The only trouble with that is the life of a stay-at-home mom or dad isn’t easy at all. I remember as a kid I once asked my mom why she was even tired if all she did all day was stay at home and watch TV. What a dumb question. She sat me down and explained to me every single task she had to do on a daily basis. Staying at home is a job all its own. The stay-at-home parent often stares at the staring working parent with the same admiration as they are stared with. The morning of a stay-at-home parent begins every morning similar to the working parent with one difference. They wake up earlier than the kids and make breakfast for their spouses and children. They make sure all the kids and even their spouse is up, dressed, brushed, and ready for breakfast at said time. They ensure everyone has everything they need before even walking out the door. Most days the stay-at-home parent is the one dropping off the kids at school, so the working spouse won’t be late for work. After drop-off, they head home and no it’s not to sit around and relax all day as some working parents may believe. They may sit for a brief time but it’s not to relax it’s to look around and decide where to even begin their day. Most stay-at-home parents don’t have the luxury of sitting around, they don’t have a maid or a dishwasher to load the dishes in. They are the maid and the dishwasher. They start with washing all the dishes and cleaning all the food that’s been spilled all over the floor and counters. After dishes, they go room to room collecting dirty laundry to wash after finishing three loads just yesterday. For some reason, laundry is never-ending. Then there’s all the dusting, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, and any pet needs that you didn’t even want to begin with. While laundry is in the washer you begin making your rounds to every room to clean each knowing that the hard work and elbow grease you put into cleaning will become dirty all over again as soon as everyone is home. By the time you even realize it, your youngest is almost ready for pick-up. Once you are back home with the little one, you spend some time with your baby and have the baby assist in making lunch and planning on what to make for dinner. You help with the homework of staying in the lines as your baby colors a masterpiece that will eventually hang on your fridge. As the baby eats, you finish with your laundry and place it all into the rooms to which it belongs. Even though at this point you long for a nap, you continue to be a super parent and begin to clean up the lunch mess and begin dinner. Then it’s off to pick up your other wonderful children. You help with their homework, feed them, make sure they are all cleaned up and realize there is a play or recital they have to be at, at 7 pm. It's back out the door with you and your other kids. So much to do with not even enough time in one day to finish what you want and need to finish.

Looking around and wondering if your significant other will make it this time to see your child perform; you notice so many absentee parents that couldn’t attend due to work obligations. Sitting back in your seat, the once envious stay-at-home parent is grateful for the ability to go to every play, every parent-teacher conference, every afterschool game, and every moment your kids need you to be there. All while the working parent is drowning in their work wishing they could be sitting and watching their child on stage.

There are so many misconceptions coming from both ends about each other's responsibilities. One wishing they could work and the other wishing they could stay home. But no matter which end you come from; both have major importance in your children’s lives. Life is hard enough already, there is absolutely zero need to look down on others' lives or to wish for a life that looks easier when watching from afar. For myself, I have had the opportunity to live both lives and neither life is easier than the other. Just be happy in knowing the role we play for our children is needed and wanted more than you can possibly comprehend.