Sorry I’m a Parent So I Can Only Go Out Between 10:10 am and 11:35 am

’ve become one of those people, I never understood before I had children.

My childless brother sent me a message:

“Do you, your toddler and partner want to meet me and my wife at 1.30 pm in the park on Sunday?”

I laughed. What a ridiculous suggestion. Of course, I can’t meet them at that time.

The problem: it is the toddler’s nap time. Therefore we can not possibly leave the house then.

Before I had my own baby, I was always puzzled by parents who would plan their lives around their child’s nap times. Why I would wonder can they not just get the child to nap earlier, or later? Does it really matter if for one day they are out at 3 pm?

One of my childless friends once had some mutual friends visit her in Spain with their small baby. She told me that she had enjoyed their visit, but complained that they couldn’t go and do much. The baby had strict nap times. All naps had to take place inside. They were also a major operation involving blackout blinds being put up and a white noise machine (all carried over to Spain by plane for the trip).

When my little one was a baby I was more relaxed. This is because I mastered the art of on-the-go naps. We never used blackout blinds or white noise or anything like that, although sometimes the soothing noise of a coffee shop helped. If we were out and my baby started fussing I would push him backwards and forwards in the pram or walk up and down with him in the sling until he fell asleep. In fact, my baby napped better like this when he was little.

Then there was Covid and lockdown. My baby was one year old by this time, and down to one long nap. Suddenly we weren’t allowed to go anywhere. We settled into a pattern of naps every lunchtime, followed by our permitted daily walk of the day whenever he woke up. Occasionally over that year, we would go out in the morning and he would fall asleep in his pushchair. I used the sling a couple of times, mostly furiously walking around in circles outside when inside napping wasn’t happening. However, by the end of 2020 and all this year, all naps have been taking place inside our home.

Why won’t I be flexible? I know my toddler, and if we go somewhere and he is overtired it will lead only one way: lots of tears and crying. This is no fun for anyone meeting us, and it's no fun for us. If we are going somewhere by car, and he is tired he is likely to make great efforts to avoid the car seat. It’s very distressing when you have a rigid baby and somewhere to go. Therefore we avoid the situation.

Now as things open up, and friends want to meet up, our availability is limited. We agreed to meet some old friends last Saturday, any time that suits you they said. So I said sure, in that case, 10 am or 10:30 am? We settled on 10:30 am as our friend’s teenage daughter doesn’t like getting up early in the morning.

We can sometimes meet after our toddler’s nap as well. Unfortunately, the length of his nap is unpredictable, so we might be able to meet you at 4 pm, but it might be 6 pm? Oh and some days he refuses to nap (usually when I am not there, and he waits for my return). But no his refusal to nap doesn’t mean we can meet you earlier, because he will be grumpy and cry.

The nap situation is limiting. I may resent it slightly as we are now slowly being allowed to go places again. Enjoying a long lunch out somewhere sounds nice. Maybe we can find a way to be slightly more adaptable. But I want my toddler to be happy, so as long as he needs this nap we will work around it.

As for my brother and his wife, I don’t know if we are meeting them this weekend. My brother has not replied back to my explanation of the timeslots we have available. Maybe he thinks it’s over the top to plan your life around a child’s nap. But I don’t blame him if he is thinking that as I once thought the same thing.