Sisterhood Transcends Even Death

I want to share a story with you all. I was 10 years old when I first met her. As a child (and even as an adult) I have really horrible social anxiety meeting new people. As a child, I would get nauseous and vomit. My father who knew this always helped me through awkward social interactions until I could become comfortable and relax around new people. One year before my 10th birthday, my father said that my god-parents were bringing my god-sister and god-brother for a visit. I had not seen her since we were toddlers and only vaguely remembered our first meeting. On this day, my anxiety was on high alert and my stomach was my enemy number 1. I begged my father to tell them I was too sick to see her and make them leave. But he did no such thing, instead warmly inviting my god-family inside. She was beautiful. Long blond hair and only slightly chubby, she was shy and spoke very softly. Immediately, I wanted her to feel at ease. "Come on, I'll show you my room. The adults can talk," as we both ran up the carpeted stairs to my room, which was one of the largest in the house. For hours we played games and it was like the past 10 years of space between us had not existed, almost as if we had never been apart. "Hey what do you want to do when you grow up?" I asked her. "I want a fashion boutique and I want to have my two best friends open it with me." she said. "WHo are your best friends?" I was curious and almost excited at the idea of a fashion boutique. "Well, besides being my sister, you're one of them." Now I was really excited! I had found my bosom buddy friend in life. I would protect her at all costs. We sat down drawing out and excitedly mapping out a business plan. The back would be a huge store room of supplies and products. The jewelry would be to the right of the front doors as you walked in, near the cash registers and walking upstairs would be a large open room for kids to run around and play while their parents shopped. After hours of talking and sketching, we had a full 40 page document in our hands. My god-mother appeared at the top of the stairs, telling her it was time to go. I didn't want her to go and for the next 5 years we were inseparable. As we headed into our teen years, our dream stayed live in our hearts. She was going to go to fashion school so we could have our own clothing line and I would go to business school to study all the business aspects of our endeavor. Nothing in life changed our dreams. We had struggles and went down different paths in life, always keeping in contact and joking about how one day we would have our dream come true and we would finally be reunited. Six years ago, I got a call telling me an intruder had broken into her house and accidentally set her place on fire. She died that night, and when I let out a scream I felt like our dream had died along with her. For years, I was too distraught to even attempt to think of our store. On the second anniversary of her death, I decided that I wanted to bring that dream back to life, to honor her and what we dreamed of as children on that fateful day we first met. I opened the business with a name I chose in her honor that she would have loved. Tonight, I am struggling with the financial aspects of sustaining a business and all it entails with only myself to run it. More than that though, I am struggling with the grief of chasing a dream that has to evolve, has to change, even just a little bit. And I am missing her so much! Tonight, I want anyone out there reading this who has ever struggled with losing a sibling or a loved one to know--I understand and I know your pain. It sucks and it is ok to let it suck. They miss you as much as you miss them. One day, our fashion boutique will take off and I will have finally succeeded at building our dream, because I won't give up the one thing I have in life of hers--of mine and hers. Tonight this is me.