She was only 12...Part 4

For every successful height I have ever attained, I dedicated them to women. The reason is quite personal.

I am here writing this piece because a woman motivated me in different ways to do so. My 13-year old mother, against all the odds, technically refused to abort. She handed me over to my aunt, who accepted me because she had no male child (so I think). She, in turn, handed me over to my "paternal" grandmother.

My grandmother defined who I am today.

She frowns at anything that causes other people pain. So am I. Once, I placed a chair on a broom and sat on it. She wouldn't accept that. According to her, “if the broom is not sweeping, let it rest!”. Fairness is her other name!

Now, do events, accident, and all sort of things happens for a reason? Or something or someone caused them to happen?

I had gone to see my mother in her village one day, and she told me how she was dreaming of being a nurse before she became pregnant.

According to her, "it was in her destiny NOT to become a nurse".

By simple definition, destiny connotes something that must happen in the future, or in one's lifetime. It can not be changed, normally, no matter what you do to change it. By this understanding, no one has control over it.

On the other hand, decisions are choices or judgments that you make after a thought. Every decision has consequences.

Once, a Sunday School teacher in my village church told me that everyone will be judged according to their individual "destinies". This kept me wondering for a very long time. If we cannot change who we are destined to be, why should we be judged by it?

I don’t agree with this school of thought.

Too many people have had to blame so much on their destinies to the point that, if they have a problem, they'd say it is in their destiny to be so. If they were involved in an accident, they'd say it is in their destiny. If they fail a course in school, they'd say it is in their destiny to fail it. Even when people lose a loved one to death, or a house to fire, they'd say it is in their destiny.

A thousand and one things could cause something good or bad to happen, and destiny is not one of them.

That I was born out of wedlock is not in my destiny. Nope!

It was someone’s decision or some people's decisions. I became a product or victim of those decisions.

I realized that everyone’s choices consummate into a destiny.

It is only on this foundation that actions can be justified or punished. We are where we are today because of the decisions we made in the time past. Tomorrow, we will be somewhere because of the choices of today and that of yesterday combined.

So, when my mother told me that it was in her destiny to be where she is today, lacking and unsatisfied with her life, I didn’t agree. Her present situation is a direct result of her decision (forced) and probably the choices of others around her.

She became a mother at thirteen. And she is broken.

This brings me to a conclusion that there are factors that shapes our lives - some of which are forced on us, some we created, others we inherited.

Our lives are 100% the product of our decisions and those of others around us.

This leaves us with two options: Change what you don't like. Or simply live with them.