Say ‘Yes’ More: Positive Discipline Strategies for Moms Who Are Tired of Saying ‘No

As moms, we all have days when it feels like every other word out of our mouths is “no.” No jumping on the couch. No snacks before dinner. No, you can’t play with that marker on the walls. It’s exhausting, not just for us, but for our kids too. Constantly hearing “no” can be disheartening for children and can even lead to power struggles.

So, how can we say “yes” more often while maintaining boundaries? The answer lies in adopting positive discipline strategies. This parenting approach emphasizes guidance, understanding, and respect, helping us nurture responsible and self-disciplined children without constant negativity.

Here are some positive discipline strategies every mom should know to help you break free from the cycle of constant “no’s” and create a more harmonious home.

1. Reframe Your “No” into a “Yes”

Instead of focusing on what your child can’t do, highlight what they can do. For instance:

• Instead of saying, “No running inside,” try, “You can run outside or play a quiet game inside.”

• Replace “No, you can’t have dessert yet,” with “Yes, you can have dessert after dinner.”

This approach shifts the tone of the conversation, making children feel heard while still setting limits.

2. Offer Choices

Kids thrive on a sense of control, and offering choices gives them autonomy while maintaining your authority. For example:

• “Do you want to put on your pajamas first or brush your teeth first?”

• “Would you like an apple or a banana for your snack?”

When children are given options, they’re less likely to resist because they feel empowered in the decision-making process.

3. Set Clear and Consistent Boundaries

Children need structure to feel secure. Clearly communicate your expectations in advance, and be consistent in enforcing them. For example:

• “Markers stay on the paper. If you want to color the walls, we can use special chalk in the backyard.”

• “We use gentle hands with our toys. If they’re thrown, they’ll have to take a break.”

By setting limits in a calm and predictable way, children learn what is acceptable behavior without constant battles.

4. Use Positive Reinforcement

Recognize and celebrate the behaviors you want to see more of. When your child listens, shares, or shows kindness, acknowledge it with enthusiasm:

• “Thank you for helping clean up your toys. That was so responsible!”

• “I noticed how gently you played with your baby brother. That was very kind of you!”

Positive reinforcement encourages children to repeat good behaviors because they feel valued and appreciated.

5. Redirect Instead of Criticize

When your child is doing something inappropriate, redirect their behavior to something more acceptable rather than scolding them. For example:

• If your toddler is throwing blocks, you could say, “Blocks are for building. Let’s see how tall we can make a tower instead!”

• If your child is yelling indoors, you might say, “Inside voices, please. If you want to be loud, we can go outside.”

Redirection not only prevents power struggles but also teaches children what to do rather than just what not to do.

6. Stay Calm and Model Emotional Regulation

Children often mirror our emotions. If we react with frustration or anger, they’re likely to do the same. Instead, take a deep breath, speak calmly, and model the behavior you want to see:

• “I’m feeling frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths. Let’s try that together.”

• “It’s okay to feel upset, but it’s not okay to hit. Let’s talk about what’s bothering you.”

Teaching emotional regulation helps children understand and manage their own feelings over time.

7. Focus on Connection

Positive discipline thrives when there’s a strong bond between parent and child. Make time for daily moments of connection, whether it’s reading a book, playing a game, or simply having a heartfelt conversation. When children feel connected and loved, they’re more likely to cooperate and respect boundaries.

8. Empathize and Validate Feelings

Sometimes, kids just want to know that their feelings are understood. Before jumping to correction, acknowledge their emotions:

• “I see you’re upset because we have to leave the park. It’s hard to stop playing when you’re having so much fun.”

• “You’re angry because your brother took your toy. I understand that’s frustrating.”

Validating their feelings doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with their behavior—it simply shows them that their emotions matter.

Shifting from “no” to “yes” doesn’t mean giving in or abandoning structure. It means guiding our children with respect, empathy, and clarity. Positive discipline isn’t about being permissive; it’s about empowering our kids to learn and grow in a nurturing environment.

With these strategies, you’ll not only reduce the number of times you say “no” each day but also foster a stronger, more positive relationship with your children. Remember, it’s not about being a perfect mom—it’s about creating a home where both you and your kids can thrive.