Right of Passage

Right of Passage

“Good Morning my precious child! Do you know what day it is?” A middle-Aged mother in a five-year-old bathrobe exclaims.

“My Birthday!” The young boy screams.

“And what else? You will have a birthday every year, but what makes turning eight so special?”

“The Right of Passage.” All enthusiasm drains from his face.

“Very Good, you’ve been paying attention in Correct Decision-Making class. Aren’t you excited?”

“Do I get cake?” a very not excited boy asks.

“We will have cake and ice cream and presents, but first we must go the Ritual at the Congregational Complex. This is one of your most important days of your life!” The Mother crows.

“It is?”

“Yes it is!”

“Why?”

“You get to go through the Rite of Passage.”

“It’s Saturday, can we have pancakes?”

“It’s your special day, I will even put chocolate chips in.”

“Where’s Dad?”

“Giving of his Time and Talents to our Supreme Overlord by helping the newest Covenanted Followers move into their house.”

“He will still lead me through the Right of Passage?” fear creeps into his voice

“Yes, he will, or he is not being a Worthy father and Secret Power Holder. Go wake up your siblings.”

The young boy walks back to the room he shares with his two younger brothers. “Mom is making pancakes wake up!” He walks across the hall to the room of his two younger sisters. “Mom is making chocolate chip pancakes wake up.” He whispers in the older sister’s ear as not to wake the toddler asleep in the crib.

A herd of small sleepy children shuffle their way to the kitchen table.

“Who knows what today is?”

“No school day.” The oldest daughter says.

“What else makes today special?” The mother asks

“It’s his Birthday!” The second oldest brother yells while pointing at the oldest child.

“There is something far more important than any birthday. What else are we doing today?”

The brood sits in silence as the mother passes plates of chocolate chip pancakes doused in generic butter flavored high fructose corn syrup.

“The right of passage?” the oldest daughter squeaks.

“Very good. You get to see how good of an example your older brother is by having the Rite performed on him by your Father and in the presence of our Congregational Family with the Great Overlord Which Rules Over All the Universal Planes from the Planet Nibru, His Perfect General Our Lord and Savior Who Loves Us and Died for Us and The Accountant of The Great Book of the Knowledge of The Good and The Evil of the Universal Planes.”

The kids eat and bicker as the mother tries to get ready for the one the most important events her son’s life.

The oldest walks up to his mother, head down looking at the dirty old carpet “Mom do I have to go through the right?”

“We must all go through the Rite. I did when I was eight. Your Father did when he was convinced the Great Overlords Mighty and Grand Plan of Joy and Sadness was the one true and right way to live. My parents, grandparents, and great grandparents all the way back to the 1830’s all went through the Rite.”

“But it’s scary Mom.”

“Is it scarier to go through the Rite or live as a bad example to your siblings and a disappointment to me, your father, Grandma and Grandpa and the whole Congregation?

He has his head down, tears forming before he closes his eyes, and then his emotions.

“C’mon kids, we need to get going.” The children walk out of the well-maintained rental home in deep blue suits and plain looking pink dresses and toward the fifteen-year-old mini-van “Help your brothers.” She says to the oldest “No playing in the snow!”

“Where’s Dad?”

“He will meet us there he had to pick up the pig blood from the meat packers.”

They drive thirty minuets to the Congregational Complex on the opposite end of town. The mother herds her children from the van, through the snow filled parking lot and into the warm building.

“There’s my special boy!” The father yells as he embraces his oldest son. “Are you ready for the Rite?”

The birthday boy looks down at the immaculate grey carpeting inside the Complex. “Yes.” He mumbles.

“I know it’s scary, but you’re eight. You have reached the age of Knowing and Doing and you must have the Rite performed on you.”

“Even if I don’t want to?” his voice barely manages to be audible.

The father drops to one knee and looks at his oldest boy “Especially if you don’t want to. This is the only True and Right way to happiness. You must go through the Ritual.”

The boy sniffles and stifles his fear. He lifts his head up and hugs his dad.

“Now let’s get the ritual garments on.”

They go into the extra room inside of the men’s bathroom and change from their suits into the incredibly baggy off-white robes.

“You need to wear this hat and scarf too, I know its kindda funny looking but it is to symbolize putting the Helmet of the Great Overlord and having his protection with us and the scarf it to represent what The Great Overlord will do to us if we fail to live up to contractual obligations you will make today. Now make sure you wrap the scarf tightly around your neck.”

They both walk onto the small auditorium stage from the bathroom. The young boy looks out into the small audience. His entire social group is staring at him in the goofy, ill-fitting garments.

The Leader of the Congregation walks up to the father and son places a hand on each of their shoulders “Congratulations young man, soon you will make the first real step into Membership in our Faith.” The Leader turns and faces the crowd, “Today we will have the pleasure of Witnessing the Rite of Passage. The first one this year! Grandpa, can you please say the Invocation.”

A fifty-four-year-old bearded man walks to a podium in front of the red and white tiled stage. He bows his head and folds his arms; everyone follows his example. “Our Great Overlord Which Rules Over All the Universal Planes from the Planet Nibru, we come before you on this joyous occasion as we bring my grandson under your Protection. We thank thee for thy many great and powerful Protections that thou hast givenst us this week, we thank you for the cold and snow. We ask that you give him the ability to fully understand the Rite and that any fear will leave his body. We say these things in the Power of The Perfect General Our Lord and Savior Who Loves Us and Died for Us. Amen”

“Amen.” Is repeated by everyone in attendance.

“Son it’s time.”

The Birthday Boy kneels in front of his father.

The father in the loudest voice he can commands “In the True Name of our Great Dread Overlord, I ,with the Secret Power thou hast Given me we come beseeching you to add this worthless soul under you protection. Through this agreement he may begin to have value in your Celestial Empire. Do you agree to be brought under Our Dread Lord’s Protection?”

“I agree.” He mumbles

The father dumps a five-gallon bucket of pig blood over the kneeling child. The blood going down the back of his robe, cold from the refrigerator, it clumps his hair and stings his eyes.

“The Dread Lord has welcomed you in. Now you must agree to his Price. His Price is complete obedience.”

Silence for several heartbeats as the father holds a second five-gallon bucket of pig blood over his child’s head

“I agree.” tears mixing with the blood slide down his face.

He dumps the bucket onto his child.

“Stand. The Contract is signed. The length is for Time and All Eternity. You must never waiver from the Commands of Our Great Overlord or you will become another worthless soul wondering in misery for Time and All Eternity.”

The Birthday boy walks back into the bathroom, disrobes, and takes a shower. He scrubs the pig blood while crying. “Dad thought I was worthless.”