Remembering My Father

Thoughts As I Lost My Father

I lost my father. Losing a parent is one of the saddest things, a person can face.

Yet, the situation was not entirely tragic. It was sweet too. Let me share.

The bad..

🌸He had gone to hospital for recovery from jaundice. He never came back home. A fulminant Hepatitis B led to fatal septicemia.

🌸My small kids, who were supposed to meet the grandpa, for the first time, never got to meet him. He never got to hug the cherubs.

🌸My mother lost her partner of 50+ years. As a loyal housewife, her life revolved around him. A huge vacuum will be there for the rest of her life.

The good..

🌿He was 77. He was weak for a month, and had serious discomfort only on the last day, before breathing his last. He lived his adult life in freedom, in joy, and in community service. He did not put any burden of care or finances on the family.

🌿I was visiting India after 4 years. Barely a week in India, it happened. I got to be with my grieving mother and siblings. If I had stayed in the USA, it would have been mere news for me. I would have chastised myself for rest of my life.

🌿A large network of relatives stepped up to offer support as we prepare for the big ceremony to honor him.

Yes, even adversities bring with them some solace.

Life has to end one day. No point denying it.

Though I am numb with the unique and irreversible loss, I take delight in the fact that he did not suffer the cruelty of aging, and the entire family has gathered to celebrate his life.

RIP father. I am internalizing your positive traits of socializing, helping people, being a lifelong knowledge seeker, and gardener.

My Father Passed Away, My Fear Passed Away

Where there is love, there is fear.

As my father crossed 65, I worried for his health.

Unlike the parents of my peers, my father had no cataracts, piles, stents, dialysis, or any such interventions. He never got hospitalized. He turned 77.

He seemed indestructible. Yet, I knew the end may be lurking there somewhere.

He was overweight. With age, his spine was affected by scoliosis. He mentioned his spinal cord being compressed by the vertebral bones. Also, he told of his edema on the legs and inability to stand for long periods.

I had brought compression socks for him and had thought to get a nice walking stick.

An acquaintance told how a month before his demise, he had fallen from the chair and had sweat beads on his forehead. It could be a small heart attack.

He always downplayed his health issues.

But, he got jaundice and was hospitalized for weakness. A day of discomfort led to monitoring in the hospital, and he slept. My mother discovered him still and contacted the staff, to find that life had already escaped.

It could be a major heart attack.

The medical diagnosis in his patient file was mentioned — Viral hepatitis septicemia.

My father had feared that his high BP might cause him a stroke. He never though it would take his life just like that.

Maybe he knew the end was around. We don’t talk about such taboo topics with family. His actions indicated his fear. He sent my mother to the bank as if to make her familiar with the changes that may ensue. He told me about the paddy fields and leases to my brother. Much before, he had distributed the gold necklace to the daughters. With his savings, he had built several rooms and rented them to small businesses. He had amassed stacks of spiritual books by his bedside and he spent the evenings reading those. I lived abroad, and his communication with me was minimal.

With his passing, an era ended for our family and those who valued him.

We are still reeling. I am still cheating my brain that he is out on an errand, and will be back. A strong body like his doesn’t just cave in to stop working.

It has been barely two weeks of the adversity to our family. I am clueless about how the emotion will evolve. Time will tell how it will impact me and other close family members.

The atheist me has already received a bunch of Hindu puja materials and Bhagavad Gita from my mother. Tragic events in our lives, send us on a spiritual path.

Anyway, the death of a loved parent has brought solace too. He did not have to go through endless painful and frustrating treatments. He did not have to face grim diagnoses. He did not have to stay invalid passing days at the mercy of others.

It was a life and death, one can hope for.

I already lost him. No imminent death hovering. My fear is gone. I will not dread anymore when a phone call comes from my home.

Note: This is a combination of two articles I had published on Medium, written after losing my father.