Relaxation Sensation

Being the oldest immigrant daughter is no easy task, it is a position in which you play mother and father for your siblings when your parents are not around, which is often because they have to work to support the family. Bills have to get paid; especially with New York City rent skyrocketing more and more by the day. As the oldest daughter in a big family, you have the responsibility of taking care of the house as well as those who happen to be younger than you. The reigns of the house and children are handed to you, just a child yourself.

Being the oldest immigrant daughter is living in a strange limbo where you receive some respect and admiration for how responsible and mature you are but you are aware that you must remain in a “child’s place”. You are an unsung hero in the household, your rest is either temporary or not a priority. The devotion and dedication you feel towards your family and those you love out weights any bodily exhaustion or ailment.

An early riser and a late layer as I would say, there are the after-school pick-ups and responsibilities. No time to hang out with your friends today. Weekends are out of options as those are days for resting, cleaning, and church. As time passes, the routine goes on until you graduate, get a job, grow up and go out on your own. Being such a crucial member of the family requires being an early riser to help your mom get the kids ready for school and to give them breakfast before you go to school yourself. The morning routine is a team effort with everyone playing their part as everyone has a place to go.

When you live in a big family, as the children get older they are given jobs and responsibilities to lighten the load for the older children and instill a sense of responsibility not only for themselves but also for others.

After the children grow up and you move away to start your own life, your sisterly responsibilities will still be there. As an older daughter, your job now is to guide your younger siblings through some of the issues and tribulations you have gone through before. As time passes your role and job change but it still is a never-ending job that tends to be very rewarding as you see how your siblings tend to help each other and others as they grow up.

My resolution this year is to disconnect from this role I have had for half of my life. It is a tole in which I am the nurturer but it does not give enough space for me to be nurtured or taken care of as well. As an older sister, I learned to anticipate the needs of others and to nurture others when they need it. I would do it all but at the same time neglecting my own needs and rest. This year my goal is to learn that it is okay to sometimes let go and set some boundaries that could ensure enough rest. Today I work as a social worker in homeless prevention with one of the hardest lessons learned is that I cannot help others if I do not help myself first. Self-care and rest are fundamental but it tends to be overlooked in the hustle culture we are raised in America. I wrote this resolution not only for me but for all the elder immigrant daughters out there, to remind them that it is perfectly fine to rest, to breathe. That rest is necessary in order for us to be able to give our best.