Reclaiming Your Home After Your Divorce

You’ll either have to work with your ex to decide who gets what, or the two of you will have to allow the court officials to decide for you. If the court has to get involved in deciding how your property will be divided, state law governs the division. In many cases, you and your ex would each be able to keep any furniture or other property that was yours before the wedding. However, depending on the circumstances, you might have to provide receipts or other documentation proving that your property is really yours.

The family home might or might not have to be sold as a result of your divorce. That depends largely on your financial situation.

If a divorcing couple’s financial circumstances allow the family home to be retained, court officials will often make the decision to award the home to the parent who has custody of the minor children. This allows for the least possible disruption of the children’s lives as a result of the divorce. If the children can continue living in the same home, they’ll be able to continue attending the same school. They’ll also be able to maintain their existing friendships. Rebuilding lives after a divorce isn’t easy, but this scenario allows children the best possible chance for a smooth transition.

So who gets custody of the children?

Family court officials will usually make an effort to determine which parent is the children’s primary caretaker. Court officials also consider what would be in the children’s best interests given the unique circumstances of each case.

It is not guaranteed that you will get custody of the kids after your divorce. But if you’re the children’s primary caretaker, it is quite likely that you will get custody of the kids, and it’s also possible that you will get to keep the house.

If your financial situation warrants it, keeping your family home solves many problems and confers countless advantages. For many newly divorced women, there’s only one big problem it leaves. The home itself becomes one colossal reminder of the failed marriage.

Can you imagine waking up solo every morning in the same bed you used to share with your ex? How about walking down the hall that is decorated with pictures of him and his family? And eating breakfast every morning at the same dining room table, but now his seat at it is empty.

If those things would torment you, it’s worth investing some initial effort in reclaiming your home to make it feel like it’s yours again.

The Bedroom

When reclaiming your home after a divorce, the bedroom is your logical starting place. The bedroom you shared with your ex is no doubt haunted with memories that you’d be better off purging. The goal is to re-create the space in a way that makes you feel renewed, validated and happy. You’ll want to consider removing any blatant reminders of the marriage that would be likely to depress you. Replace those reminders with objects that will inspire you in your creation of a blissful future.

If it’s possible to choose a different bedroom to call your own in the future, consider it. Perhaps you could move into what used to be a spare bedroom or the room that has been serving as your home office. Or ask one of your children if they’d like to trade bedrooms with you. If there’s no other room suitable for you to move into, you can at least re-arrange the bedroom furniture.

Next, think about the bed. When you divide up your property, consider letting your ex keep the bed so you can get a new one. If you don’t get a new bed, at least buy a new mattress for your old bed.

Take down your ex’s sports posters, family portraits and travel souvenirs and give them back to him. In their place, put up artwork that stirs your soul and makes you feel alive, energized and invigorated.

Closets and Drawers

Sell, donate or trash any of your jewelry pieces or clothing items that remind you of him. Let him keep the monogrammed bath towels the two of you received as a wedding gift. Ruthlessly declutter anything you have hanging around that makes you feel sad, angry or guilty.

The Living Room

It’s okay to part with the tropical paintings you bought on your Hawaiian honeymoon, the couch he chose that you never truly loved, and even your wedding album. Let him have them. If he doesn’t want them, sell the things that are sellable and donate or trash the rest. If you aren’t ready to part with the wedding album yet, at least box it up and put it out of the way in the garage.

During the purging process, give yourself permission to grieve for your losses. This relationship and these objects were once important to you. Forging a new life without them will no doubt be a challenge, but it is a challenge you can handle.

Grieve, mourn, and then do your best to put it all behind you. The future is waiting for you, and you have the power to create a glorious one.