Recalcitrant

“You are recalcitrant.” Was the first words said to me on what could have been my 25th phone call that day.

There was no hello, there was no hate in the words or behind the tone the man used. Rude was not what I would call this one.

Perhaps it was the subtle relief in the man’s voice when I answered, or perhaps it was the deep breath I had taken in preparation for the irate reduction of my humanity because the cable in lower Manhattan was out- again. Or perhaps it was the use of the word ‘recalcitrant’ that made me smile a little.

My fingers tapped quietly on the letters of the keyboard in front of me, just as quietly as my lowkey amusement. Back then, I could not admit what I can admit now- which is the level of pettiness that a privileged non privileged Manhantannite was capable of was truly- truly admirable- as was the impressive extent in which an expensive education could provide in the lengths of maiming a person’s entire life over the phone.

Coming from the ‘projects’ of the Bronx, intimidating and insulting someone with the type of words you chose, rather than the temperament behind the words was rather impressive. Being able to beat someone’s ass with your words rather than your fists, ten friends was rather might I say- charming? How is it that you can reduce my entire life to a percentage of nothing in only 20 minutes when- I- myself have been working at keeping me up for over 25 years?

I should have been angry at the assumptions that they knew my character. I was stirred instead. ‘Recalcitrant?’ I suppose I should have been a little weary, because maybe I was recalcitrant, because my head, my heart, mind and soul told me to get up and leave three hours and forty- two weeks ago.

Amusement sealed my lips shut. My mother always said that my quietness was a savior for the things I that I did say when galvanized to speak.

Readying myself to give an undeserved apology, the voice on the other end of the phone cut me off.

“Do you know what that means?” Smugness made the line staticy for a moment. I thought I lost him until he prodded me for an answer.

I smiled into the receiver, eyes on the computer screen in front of me where google had lead me. “I’m sorry that you have been having issues with your cable, sir. We’re working on it and while I don’t mean to be unmanageable; it seems that the issue was bigger than anticipated, but we are getting closer to a solution.”

Anger filled the momentary silence, “That’s not what I asked you! I asked if you know what recalcitrant means?”

I did not ask him if ‘recalcitrant’ was his ‘word-of-the-day’, I also did not tell him that he was a customer, but not an authority to me. I also did not mention that he was trying to use me for a cheap ride to glory town in his imagined vector of stature. Perhaps he worked at a college or university as a janitor and the professors bullied him for his seemingly lowly position. Maybe the relief earlier was in knowing that he was going to be able to pass off his anger onto someone else.

I did not let out the giggle that was bubbling up inside of me.

“It means to be uncooperative.”

“Not only uncooperative, but uncooperative to authority!”

“Ahh! Okay, thank you for correcting me in my mistake.” Twenty minutes later, I answer another call. One a little less amusing. “I’d like to make a payment.”

I take at least 50 more of these calls. I waive the fees when I can. I am thanked, I am complimented, “You have such a nice voice.”

It’s 3pm when I walk out of the cold brick building. The accusations of it feeling like a prison barely make it past my forefront of thoughts. By 3:52pm, I’m sitting at a diner in a booth.

“You are recalcitrant.” I say in my most uppity voice to the girl across from me.

She smiles and giggles. "What does that mean?"

"It means that you are unmanageable."

"Mommy, I'm 9, I don't need to be managed." A toothless smile ironed the kinks of the day out.

“And it’s a good thing too, because you- young lady, are recalcitrant.”

"And what will this little beauty be having today?" The waitress places our drink in front of us.

"Whatever she wants, momma got her check today and a company discount!" I add in hushed tone with a wink

"Woo woo. She got money!" The younger more recalcitrant version of me mimicked our favorite meme.

The waitress laughs and after a few hours we're walking through the mall, splurging in pink and purple. She dances in delight as I purchase our movie tickets to the new 'toys' movie. I look around in mock horror. "Jonlee, you're embarrassing me!"

She dances some more, doing the running man, what she thinks is my favorite dance.

"See? Recalcitrant!"

She laughs and takes a bow. "Is that your word of the day?" She asks me when I throw the word at her for the fourth time as we wait for the light to turn red. "Of the week!" I agree.

"Uh oh!" Her wide eyes look at the luggage in the backseat with mock terror.

She’s sleeping when I pull up to the hotel. It’s nearly 1AM.

"I have a reservation under the name Williams."

The clerk confirms my room and identity with my work badge. "Wow, 50% off, that must make working for that cable company so much better, huh?" He jokes quietly with a knowing tone.

"It most certainly does." People like him sympathize with me when they learn where I work. Sometimes they do what he does and slips me a coupon to a nearby restaurant and gives me tips to saving extra money and getting around New Orleans like a local rather than the tourist that I am. The perks of the hollowed cable company kicks in again the next day, Ghost tours at 25% off.

"Ugh! You're so recalcitrant," Jonlee yells at me when I tell her no, we cannot stay at the haunted hotel to fulfill her horrible little obsession for ghostly thrills.

I laugh along with the other adults standing nearby who happen to overhear.

"You don't even know what that means," I tease, already armed with a response to her response that I know she’ll give.

"Yes, I do. It means that you're unmanageable. Uncooperative."

I smirk at her adlib. She knows without my elaboration and that makes me proud. I still go in for the kill. "Not only that- but specifically towards authority & I'm the only authority round these parts." I say in a country thick voice.

"You and the cops." She ducks behind me sillily as a cop drives past slowly, eying the cemetery tour with a smile and nodding when she sees Jonlee.

Jonlee gives a shy wave and then ducks behind my legs again.

“Ungovernable!” She says.

“Refractory!” I say.

“Willful!” She says.

“Insubordinate!” I say.

“Contrary!” She says.

“Mutinous!” I scream in my best pirate voice, grabbing her and kissing her soft little cheeks as we fall to the ground. out of breath from skating as fast as we could while still holding hands. We have made a vow to learn all of the synonyms of this word while still on our mini vacation.

“That fish looks contumacious.” Jonlee points overhead at the stingray waggling by and I must agree.

“Absolutely disobedient.”

“You two remind me of me and my mother when she would bring me here as a child.” An older woman with a southern accent smiles at us, “Do you like the aquarium? What’s your favorite fish”

Jonlee has made a new friend and gotten rewarded a peppermint for her cuteness.

“Fractious and unruly.” She says of the alligator we can see bubbling under the mud on the swamp tour.

I take a picture of her pretending to be afraid of them and one of her actually being afraid of the snakes that slither past.

We don’t get off of the tour bus, but I still feel excitement of the environment, so does Jonlee. She screams when the group ends up running back to the bus away from an errant gator.

“We should come back in October for halloween,” She says in a dreamy voice as I load her into the car to so that we can head back to reality, "I really liked being obdurate,"