Project Evolve

Karissa Halowins was born Christmas of '77 in a small hospital just outside of Salt Lake City. She was one of the last babies born at that hospital before it went bankrupt and shut down from lawsuits due to negligence - one of which was filed by Karissa's father for the loss of her mother while giving birth to her. Karissa was their first and only child.

Karissa's father, Darren, was a machine maintenance supervisor at the largest sheet metal shop in the country. He won his lawsuit but sadly passed away 7 short months later from an unfortunate freak accident at his job site, leaving baby Karissa, who was only a year and a half at the time, in the care of the State. Because Karissa was so young, any "compensation" for pain and suffering awarded to her family from the hospital lawsuit was unbeknownst to her.

Before his death, Darren had opened an account for Karissa with the lawsuit money, at a bank just outside of town. He wrote a randomly large number on a check and post-dated it for Karissa's 21st birthday. He placed it in a secured safe in the wall of his den, hidden behind a beautifully painted portrait of him and his late wife, Karissa's mother, Cherie. The only person who knew of this was his closest and dearest family member - a cousin named Sally. Sally was not to tell Karissa of this but was to surprise her only on that specific birthday. No sooner.

While the processes of inheritance were underway, Sally was granted permanent custody of Karissa. She moved into the house that was already made Karissa's home, and it was there in Russellville Sally chose to raise her as her own.

Growing up, Karissa wasn't afraid of much. She was of equal combination tom-boy and girly-girl. She knew how to bait a hook and also how to wear pearls. She was friendly with everyone she encountered and scared off the jerks that tried to belittle anyone who seemed different. She was very artistic and had quite the knack for drawing, painting, and pottery. Her greatest talent, though, was writing. Mostly, she focused on writing stories of how she viewed the world.

She always felt like something was missing, though. Sally noticed Karissa would become distant at times and try to fill this void by drowning herself in art projects.

One evening after dinner, Sally sat down with Karissa and decided to tell her about her parents. She was 17 years old and Sally knew it was time.

Sally raved about how wonderful of a father Darren had been, despite the circumstances of having to do it all on his own, and spoke in sweet adoration of Karissa's mother, Cherie. "She was one of the kindest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. She was a poet ya know!" Sally asserted. All her life she presumed Sally was her mother. Taken back with devastation, she exclaimed "I don't understand!". It wasn't until Sally helped her realize how different her life might have turned out if Karissa had not been loved the way she was by her.

Karissa went to bed that night with thoughts overflowing her mind. She wasn't sure how to feel and couldn't sleep. On one hand, she was upset and felt betrayed for being made to believe something that wasn't true. On the other hand, she now felt a sense of wholeness knowing where her corky personality and artistic traits came from. Legally, Sally was her mother, from an adoption standpoint, but why was it so secret for this long? Why NOW did Sally decide to tell her? Then in a resilient fashion, she thought, "I have to know more. If I am going to be the best version of me, I need to dig deeper into my genetic roots."

The following Saturday afternoon, Karissa walked to the town library in hopes to find out more about her biological parents. With a little digging and persistence, she came across some of her mother's publishings on the internet. As Karissa began to read her work, she felt a sense of fulfillment. Cherie became a huge inspiration to Karissa's creativity, and since she didn't know what her life would consist of after high school, she decided then to look into fine arts. Her father's name was all over the city from jobs he had approved, but she never made any correlation because Sally had her original last name changed at the custody hearing. Sally assumed she might grow up confused - and also because of the gift her father tucked away. She wanted to wait until Karissa was mature enough to understand.

Karissa studied hard and focused on her new aspiration as an artist for the rest of her senior year. She was determined to make it happen and nothing was going to stand in her way. She stayed up late most nights looking into and applying for colleges with an emphasis in arts. She spent weeks looking into different types of grants and academic scholarships she was able to apply for; and writing and submitting letters of intent to schools that piqued her interest. Her ambition to be successful in this was very much ignited from now knowing about her birth parents. It was fueled by how they were taken away from her too soon. Her intentions were set. She wanted to make them proud.

All of Karissa's hard work had paid off. She was no honor student by the time she graduated, but she was graciously accepted into the Bachelor of Fine Arts degree program at Utah State. The college was 5 hours from where she currently lived and, even though she was saddened to have to move away from Sally, she was exhilarated to finally be able to let her creative mind expand.

A few days after moving into her dorm, she applied and was hired for a part-time position at a coffee shop. She calculated the cost of living in the dorm and saw that it would actually be cheaper to live off-campus. She found a small, cozy apartment all to herself and made it home.

On the day Karissa left, Sally reminisced on the life she provided to her. She sat on a swing on the front porch, looking out at the setting sun. Karissa was happy and healthy, and Sally taught her all she knew. Looking back, she felt incredibly accomplished. She knew her dear friend and cousin would be so proud of how thoughtful Karissa was raised. Life was good. She was content. She thanked her Lord and the spirits of Darren and Cherie for being with her through it all.

Two and a half years into her BFA program, Karissa received a call from Sally's neighbor, Talisa. She said Sally had fainted in the kitchen while they were setting up for their game of cards and was on her way to the hospital. Karissa rushed with concern around her apartment to pack a bag while fighting back tears. As soon as Karissa made it to the emergency room, she was directed to the lobby where she waited until Sally returned from imagining.

When Sally got word her darling Karissa had made the trip to be with her, she was so happy and requested for her to be in the room while the Doctor interpreted the results of her scan.

It was Sally's worse fear confirmed.

Sally felt a lump in her left breast about 6 months prior and didn't think much of it, so she let it be. Unfortunately, the lump was a cancerous tumor and it had spread around her lungs and into her heart, which obstructed her blood flow and breathing, hence the reason for fainting. Sally was diagnosed with aggressively invasive breast cancer and given only about 18 months, or less, to live. After the devastating news, some crying and consoling, Karissa decided it would be best if she put her schooling on hold and returned home. She gave up her apartment, quit her job, and moved back to the house she grew up in to help Sally around the house and keep her comfortable.

While laying in bed one night, Sally could feel herself getting weaker. It was 10 months after her diagnosis. Her mind was fading, but she never forgot about the gift Darren left for Karissa; she was almost 21 now. As Sally started drifting off to sleep, she decided to tell Karissa in the morning about one last secret she kept all these years.

But morning never came for Sally. Her heart became cancer and quit working while she was dreaming.

After Sally's passing, Karissa sold her childhood home. As she was packing the house room by room, she kept what she wanted and threw out things that no longer served her. When she got to her fathers' old den, she felt a strong presence in the air. She didn't pay much attention to it and continued to pack and get rid of things. Just as she was taking the painted portrait of her parents off the wall she noticed the safe. Surprised and confused, she saw it required a numbered passcode to get in. She wondered briefly if Sally knew about it and if so, why didn't she say anything. Trying a different variety of number combinations, and to no avail, she was ready to give up.

Last shot, she tried her birthday in a couple of different ways. Finally, 122577. AT LAST!

Victoriously opening the safe, she quickly became still. She reached inside the safe to find a little black book. It was filled with letters and stories written directly to Karissa from her mother when she was pregnant with her. Karissa sat on the floor of the den reading through the beautifully written entries; crying but filled with joy. She then realized the strong presence she felt earlier must have been her parents.

The little black books' entirety was the approval and reassurance Karissa yearned for since the day she was told about her parents. It pinned down all the answers to the questions she had - from how her parents met, to what they hoped for for Karissa, poems, and even sketches of what Karissa could safely assume were visions her mother had. She ironically had similar sketches in her own notebook from dreams she dreamt.

She got to the back of the book and couldn't believe her eyes. She had found the check her father left for her.

Date: 12/25/1998

Pay to the Order of : Karissa Cherie Halowins.

Amount: $543,210.99.

Why the random $0.99? She never knew, only laughed because from what she heard from Sally about her father, she figured that must have just been his sense of humor.

On the very last page, there was an entry from her father:

"My dearest Kar, 12/25/78

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY, sweet pea. From the moment you came into this world, I knew you were special. Your mother adored you while you were in her belly. She sang to you every chance she got. ALL DAY LONG. As I sit here next to you sleeping in your crib, it breaks my heart knowing she will never get the chance to know you nor you, her. She was very excited to meet you and anticipated your arrival from the first day we found out about you. If there ever comes a time when we can't be together, I wanted to write you something to let you know how much we care and how very loved you are by the both of us. This check, (yes, it is real) you can say, is mostly a gift from your mother. Consider this our way of saying Happy 21st Birthday. The account information is in an envelope taped to the back of the picture you removed to get to this. I hope you put it to good use and never forget, whatever you do, wherever you go, we are always with you in spirit.

All our Love, Dad (and Mom)"

Moments later, a stimulating rush of ingenuity came over her. Karissa picked herself up off the floor and wiped away her tears. She finished packing the house and while doing so, devised several different scenarios involving ways she could utilize the money she just inherited. Her first step, however, was to get herself back into school and finish her degree.

A week after the selling of her family home, she enrolled herself back in school and found another, slightly bigger, apartment close to campus. She paid the year lease in full so she wouldn't have to be distracted by working. She could just focus on improving her artistic abilities to gain the full experience of what it was like to be invested in something she was really passionate about.

In doing so, Karissa was able to finish her BFA degree 5 months early.

She went on to open an art studio and started a non-profit organization with the remaining inheritance. She focused the vision of it on the importance of art therapy - mostly for children and adolescents. She began to worked with the state's Human Services Division and was able to give back to her community by providing foster children and runaways a safe space; teaching and guiding them, through expressive art, how to cope with feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety.