Please Don't Be Like My Father On Christmas

My name is Becky, just turned 19. As we approach the Christmas festivities, I share this storey to encourage all parents to do a bit more for their children on Christmas.

My Christmas Experience

Every Christmas was pretty miserable growing up.

I lived in a gilded cage inhabited by a very angry, undiagnosed bipolar man and a very passive, co-dependent mother.

There was also a younger brother lost in there somewhere.

I wasn't looking forward to Christmas.

It wasn't the usual excitement of presents and family gatherings; it was the looming dread of my father's annual gift-less ritual.

What I Look Out For

I yearned for a simple conversation, a genuine question, "What do you want for Christmas, honey?"

But it never happened. Instead, my father, a man of few words, would simply nod and disappear, leaving me to wonder whether this Christmas will be any different.

He normally appears with nothing so I never expect much.

What Happened Last Year

Last year, I had my heart set on a new pair of headphones.

They weren't expensive, but they would've been perfect for my music and online classes.

I'd even hinted at mum a few times, but my mum seemed oblivious and I expect nothing from dad.

Christmas passed as if it never happened.

The Worst One Was 2022

I was seventeen and this was the first year my father had actually purchased a gift for me (as per many families, mom was the one who purchased the gifts from both parents).

He bought me three satin and lace "teddies," which are a type of lingerie.

They're sexy - very short and revealing - and meant to be worn when you're enticing a lover.

Obviously I didn't ask for lingerie from my father.

Obviously I hadn't hinted in any way that I wanted them.

It was inappropriate and uncomfortable.

What I Was Expecting

What was wrong with maybe a sweater?

A necklace?

Nice pair of earrings?

A gift certificate?

Or something a bit more appropriate

What My Father Told Me

This is the man who told me my entire life how stupid, ugly and fat I was.

It's all I can remember him saying directly to me, about me.

So in addition to the lingerie being extremely inappropriate, it was, it seemed, the opposite message I'd received for so long that I'd internalized it and literally couldn't even begin to see myself as anything other than fat…ugly…stupid.

So how is a fat, ugly, stupid 17 year old supposed to react to lingerie?

I was horrified…mortified in the way only a sensitive, insecure 17 year old can be.

I felt degraded, exposed, disgusted, humiliated and very confused.

No one understood why I wasn't elated, as if the lingerie symbolized my father's acceptance of my budding sexuality or something.

I honestly don't know, because in that household, you can't talk through problems. You can't ask people what they wanted for holidays or birthdays…you just bought whatever you yourself would have liked to receive, I suppose.

He was very angry and hurt when it became obvious I wasn't going to wear them, and he sulked for the rest of the day.

I still feel the remnants of anger and shame when I think back to this Christmas.

Thanks to My Fans

I also give fervent thanks to those people who came into my life in later years and showed me a different way of life so I could leave that dysfunctional world behind.

I had to give those gifts to my mum since we are almost of the same size.

She wore them during the New Year festivities and according to her, dad was very elated and started making advances at her, something he has never done for years.

What I Was Wondering

Dad, was expecting to see in me what he wanted to see in a woman of her choice. Meaning, the gift was not meant to make me happy but to make him happy.

I also wondered how he expected to see me wearing those lingerie, is it in my bedroom, or outside my bedroom for him to see?

I have several questions lingering on my mind that I wouldn't want to bother my head about.

What Christmas Now Meant to Me

Christmas, for me, is a bittersweet affair.

The festive decorations, the twinkling lights, and the cheerful carols only amplify the emptiness I feel.

While others are wrapped in the warmth of family and joy, I'm often left alone with my mother.

My father, a distant figure, is always absent, leaving a void in our Christmas celebrations.

The lack of gifts, the absence of laughter, and the constant longing for a complete family make this season a painful reminder of what I'm missing.

My Request To All Fathers

As a father, you have the power to make Christmas an unforgettable experience for your children.

By actively participating in the festivities, you can create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.

From decorating the Christmas tree together to sharing heart-warming stories, every moment spent with your family is precious.

Remember, it's not just about the gifts; it's about the love, laughter, and quality time. So, this Christmas, let's make it a truly magical one for our children.