Parenting

Parenting- who knew it was so very hard? While it is bittersweet, the joys of raising a child, everything changes- always. Children when small are such a joy and they are a joy as they get older too- but not without some growing pains! You can do too much for your child- which I have learned the hard way! My reasoning for doing too much was his absent father, the childhood I had, the broke college roommate (always the broke college roommate), etc. All of those things were necessary for growth but did not necessarily feel the best while learning those lessons. Some people I know, they only look at the financial aspect of raising children. There's a financial component but there is WAY more to raising children. The goal is to raise self-sufficient adults who can survive without you. If you fail to do this, you are only moving the chess pieces around the board and setting them up for failure later on. Tough love they say is the best love. Although while I was struggling, I disagreed with that, now I think my tune has changed a little bit- especially with have one child as they tend to be more spoiled anyway! If you EVER want to know what your child (or anyone for that matter) is made of, tell them NO to something they want and/or introduce money into the equation. People will never learn the value of carrying their own water until they carry every drop on their own and perhaps some never learn. However, there is a point in life where this becomes a clear choice- life is all about choices. I grew up in a home with two sisters with the same shared mother and father (although they each had a child prior to the marriage) and my sisters and I are all as different as night and day- again, choices. This life requires sacrifice. The absolute hardest thing for me to grasp? And it has always been this- different people are happy with different things- and that includes your children as well. And you have to learn to understand that and let it be. No one has a blueprint to be a parent- all we have are our ideologies for what we are not going to do, or what we did NOT like in how we were raised. And no two people are going to have the same blueprint, but you try your best to make it work. Generations are VERY different too. The actual time frame may not be great BUT the differences in the world are significant and that rolls over in to parenting as well! One thing no one tells a woman in particular is that if you want kids, you are going to have to choose between your career and child rearing. I hate that this is what it comes down to but in essence, it does. I personally believe a woman can have it all but you have to hit the lotto in the other parent department in order for that to be a reality. Otherwise, it is just a pipe dream. Some people believe material things make them a better parent (things raise your children if you believe this in my opinion). And then when the kids are grown, they wonder what happened. Well- they were absent- their presence. By the way, you can be standing right in front of someone and still be absent. I experienced that growing up with my alcoholic father. A lot of patience, and a lot of prayer has helped me make it through the fire of parenting.