Out From the Suffocating Dust

I could hear the rise and fall of my sisters cries as I lay there in the dim lighted hotel room. It sounded as her gut was wrenched out from her very soul. The sounds that came through the thin papered bathroom walls, chilled my veins and racked my body with a heavy weight of grief and sadness for her. I cautiously ambled to the bathroom door and saw her sitting on the bathtub wall bawling her eyes out. Eyes red and puffy , tears streaking her face.

"Lu , what can I do for you , what is the matter." I tentatively said.

If you know me , I'm really bad in these situations . It's like I don't know what to say , what to do , other than hold their hand , place my hand on their back and say nothing at all. And to just wait until the cries steady.

Lets back it up a bit...

In 2017, Lu had met this guy online; seemed pretty decent . Had nice features . Dark hair, Dark brown eyes , Nice teeth other than a noticeable chip on one tooth . Chase was not a tall guy. Average size. He was not hard on the eyes. His roots were from the Middle East . His grandmother owned a mansion . He was going to school to be an Accountant . And already had a bachelor degree . Chase worked as an assistant manager at Chick-Fil-A part-time , worked as a Concierge the other time. He was a church going man. Chase didn't have a good relationship with his mother and his father had been killed. He didn't have much, but was a hard worker.

My sister Lu was absolutely in love with Chase. She didn't say anything to my parents for maybe about two weeks or more after meeting him online. Gosh! I didn't even know about him. My sister is very beautiful, but then again my whole family is. My sister has dark naturally long curly hair . Her skin is flawless with the color of carmel. Her eyes are a beautiful dark brown of big and bold.Has a beautiful smile. She has a small frame and is petite in size. She carries herself in attitude and grace. She is a LPN and was a traveling nurse when she met Chase.

So the day came when Chase wanted to talk to the rest of the family he was charming , talked a lot overly friendly and dominated the conversation. I blocked all those warning signs out and engaged in conversation. Chase and Lu were always on the phone together. Praying , talking scripture, but never like a normal conversations of a boyfriend and girlfriend . They would write paragraphs back to each other of philosophical things. It just didn't seem normal. Chase would always want to know where Lu was , when she cross the streets , told her to read this book and that book. It was crazy . But again I ignored it. I never had been in a relationship, I was literally watching from the outside.

After talking 3 to 4 months , Chase came to visit Lu and the rest of the family. And that's when I knew he was controlling. Everything about him was just interesting. My parents hosted him in their house and was kind to him. He met our relatives and the whole family. Again he was charming and talked a lot. One night he stayed up and to talk to my Mother , he became rude to her , and gave some chilling stares. He told her that once he married Lu that he would teach her "everything that a man should teach a woman." and said more things that are not repeatable. My mother was taken back her skin becoming clammy and cold . She couldn't believe her ears. She told Dad about what he had said.

"Chase you are no longer welcomed in my house, there is the door , please leave," my Dad said

My Mother told Lu what Chase said , she couldn't believe it.

Or could she . Lu was blinded by love that's why she sat in the hotel room crying . She wanted him. She loved him. And would do anything to get him.

He lied to Lu and said , " Lu I didn't mean it like your parents are saying it , they are not accurate in their story."

It was indeed true what my parents said. Lu didn't want to believe anyone but Chase.

She began ignoring calls, not keeping her word in meeting up at places, she canceled her California trip with our older sister Bea and ignored her calls.

The family tried comforting Lu. Left our hearts open. Gave her space. She ignored it all.

Chase apologized to Dad and Mom, they forgave but was not in favor of him dating Lu. Lu literally went wild . She ran off to Florida and continued to date this man that took over her life , and married him.

I was destroyed .

So this begins my part of the story. Lu and I were super close. We would go out all the time talk , gossip, just have fun. She was my closest friend Bea. But she always made me feel bad , and I always laughed it off and ignored it.

"That doesn't look good on you."

"Your style is so awkward."

"You should lose some weight."

"Don't work so much, because it makes me look bad."

"Bea favors you, she is always asking what 'you think' ."

I felt bad a lot of the times around her but still she was my best friend, so I thought.

She left. without so much a backward glance. I thought "oh yeah, she will come around it's just a phase ." I even tried reconnecting with her only to find out Chase causes her to lie. I couldn't take it anymore. I was on a roller coaster. I called Bea my older sister , and she would give me great comfort because she would tell me the truth and no fluff. I went into counselling. I couldn't talk to my Mother about it because my mother went down into depression over the lost of yet another child ( a later story).

I experienced sex for the first time not just with one man but two men , at different times. It was like a drug to me . I drank my first alcoholic drink. I was literally in the darkest place of my life . Because not only did I lose my best friend I lost my sister. She destroyed our family. My parents lost themselves in their grief, words that came out of their mouth sometimes would sting. I thought to have lost them too. Visiting home became a strain. But I wanted to be there to comfort my parents , which I couldn't . A relationship had to be re-established . Until this day it is still being built.

And then a true man came into my life, a real friend, a gentlemen , a kind sweet human brightening my path. It was really rocky at first, because we both met in our darkest place , and that is a story for another time.

Even through the betrayal of my sister Lu to the family , I am grateful to say I have moved on. I am no longer suffocated by the dust she left . Just writing this gives me relief, and fills me with great peace knowing I was able to be "Vocal" and share my story.