Our love, are conditional

Is there unconditional love in all our relationships? Perhaps there is, but not all the time, but some of the time. Even parent-child relationships, which are considered by the world to be the purest, are all conditional.

Nowadays, homeschooling has been paying attention to this issue, advocating parents to love their children unconditionally, but this is easier said than done.

"You have to be good, or I won't like you;"

"You have to study hard or I won't buy you gifts;"

"You have to work hard and you have to get ahead, or you'll do us a disservice;"

"You have to marry a good daughter-in-law/you have to marry a good man so that we will feel at ease."

We love you, but it seems that all love is related to "interest", not pure.

"I love you because you are you, whether you are beautiful, ugly, tall, short, smart, or stupid, because you are you, and all I love you." -- This is almost an idealized state of affairs; surely such unconditional love exists, but it is not rare.

This is true of affection, but what about love?

How many people's love is based on "interests" nowadays. The most important thing is to have a stable job, have enough savings, have a house, have a car, have a face, at least to account for the same, in order to continue to have a deep friendship with each other, otherwise not to talk. Love is a deal, marriage is a deal.

Perhaps it is a little difficult for us to pursue unconditional love, but we can think differently and we can go after a healthy relationship. This may sound a little cruel, but what is true often seems a little cruel at first glance, and because it is true, it is cruel.

Any relationship is always based on a conditional foundation, and a healthy relationship requires both parties to recognize their own conditions in the relationship and gradually have a clear perception of each other's conditions through constant communication and commitment.

You and your best friend, how are you able to form and maintain a close friend relationship?

You and your lover, how are you able to come together and join hands for life?

You and your parents, apart from blood, what is maintaining your relationship?

When you break it down, they all exist on conditions. Without conditions and benefits, there would be no relationship between you and your parents.

A clear understanding of the existence of conditions can help us recognize the boundaries and unbreakable limits of each. We know what we can and cannot do, what we can expect from each other, and what we should not ask of each other. This allows you to keep your behavior in the relationship within a range that is not uncomfortable for both parties.

At the same time, a healthy relationship is the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. Because, in a healthy relationship, we understand our own "conditions" and those of others, we are able to balance our give and take, making the relationship sustainable in the long run.

It is really a harsh request to ask the other person to love us unconditionally, because we are not able to love each other unconditionally, so how can we ask others? So if we want to have a healthy relationship, we have to know how to maintain the balance of the relationship.

Balancing the give and take in a relationship is essential to maintaining a healthy relationship. Some people distort the concept of balance and equality. Balance does not mean equality; balance means that there is no absolute quantified reciprocity between what we get and what we give. It's not about what I do and how the other person must do it.

In any healthy relationship there is both giving and taking, but in some relationships the giving and taking is obvious, such as in a counseling relationship, where money is given and services (attention, care, love) are requested. In other relationships, the giving and taking is more subtle, even in parent-child relationships, which are often considered unconditional, parents will ask for respect, care, and deeper psychological needs.

So in any relationship, understanding each other's conditions allows us to love each other better.