One Thing to Know Before Getting Married

Let me start by saying: marriage is beautiful, complicated, messy, fulfilling, and sometimes... really hard. And while I don’t claim to have all the answers, there’s one truth I wish someone had gently sat me down and told me before I ever said "I do."

I wish I knew that love alone is not enough.

Sounds a bit harsh, doesn’t it? Maybe even unromantic. But hear me out.

Before getting married, I thought love was the ultimate glue. If two people loved each other enough, surely everything else would fall into place. Arguments would magically resolve. Communication would be smooth. We'd grow together seamlessly, like puzzle pieces destined to fit.

Spoiler: that’s not how it works.

What I didn’t realize was how much of marriage is work. Not in the draining, corporate 9-to-5 kind of way. But in the daily choice to understand, compromise, and see your partner as they are — not as you want them to be.

Love Needs a Translator

I used to think my way of loving was universal. I show care through words — I love writing little notes, sending texts, saying "I’m proud of you" a hundred times a week. But my partner? He’s all about actions. Fixing the leaky sink, making sure my phone’s always charged, checking the tires before I drive.

At first, I felt... neglected. I didn’t feel loved because I wasn’t hearing it the way I expected to. And he, in turn, felt unappreciated because I kept saying thank you but didn’t realize his way of saying “I love you” was through the things he did, not the words he said.

No one told me before marriage that we'd basically need to learn a whole new language — each other’s. And that sometimes, it would feel like Google Translate failed miserably.

Conflict Doesn’t Mean You’re Failing

Early on, any argument made me panic. I thought disagreements meant something was wrong with us — like maybe we weren’t as compatible as I thought. But now I know: fighting isn’t a red flag. How you fight, how you repair, and how willing you are to keep choosing each other afterward — that’s what matters.

Marriage showed me parts of myself I hadn’t really dealt with — the impatient side, the side that avoids hard conversations, the side that sometimes just wants to be right. It also brought out the best in me: patience I didn’t know I had, empathy I hadn’t practiced before, and a whole lot of humility.

The Real Magic Is in the Small Stuff

Before I got married, I thought passion would always feel like fire. Intense. Constant. Romantic. But the truth is, real love is quieter — a soft, enduring flame. It’s in the coffee he brings me in the morning without asking. The way he memorizes the things I like at the grocery store. How we can sit in comfortable silence doing nothing and feel totally okay.

If I had known this before, I think I would’ve spent less time worrying that the butterflies were fading and more time appreciating the deeper kind of love that was growing in its place.

So, If You’re Not Married Yet…

Here’s what I want to say, not as a relationship expert, but as someone who’s still learning:

Love is a foundation, but it’s not the whole house. You build that part — with communication, patience, trust, and humor (seriously, humor helps). You’ll mess up, apologize, grow, and do it again. You’ll evolve. So will your partner. That’s not failure — that’s marriage.

And when you both decide to keep showing up, even on the hard days, love becomes more than just a feeling. It becomes a choice. A habit. A promise.

That’s the one thing I wish I knew.

And honestly? I’m glad I know it now.