One Heart

One Heart

My sister’s hand was still warm as it remained intertwined with mine. It was the stillness that served as the harsh reminder that she was gone. Our parents tried to comfort me and one another, but I had yet to cry. I couldn’t focus on them right now; my eyes were transfixed on Kori’s hands. Her long slender fingers inside of my hand. The matching half heart tattoos we had on our left ring fingers. Being only 18 months apart, she was my very best friend. She had held my hand my entire life and I wasn’t sure if I could let hers go. Panic rumbled in the pit of my stomach with the prospect of leaving the hospital, leaving my sister here to be cold and lonely. A sob clawed its way out my throat. I couldn’t understand what had happened. Although, Kori had been diagnosed in childhood with congenital heart disease, she hadn’t told me about being ill. We told each other everything. We had no secrets, or at least that’s what I always thought. I asked her over Christmas break if she was okay because she kept getting tired and she reassured me that she was fine, she had started a new medication and simply had to readjust. I wasn’t to worry and when I suggested taking time off from school to stay until she felt better, she wouldn’t allow it. She reiterated the importance of staying with my studies, especially in my freshmen year. Since then, she had seemed her usual self on our FaceTime chats. Maybe I wasn’t paying close enough attention. I was in my freshman year at a college half way across the country that she had insisted I go to. I never wanted to be so far away from her, but she assured me that it would be good for me, that she couldn’t be my whole life.

When it was finally time to leave the hospital, my father had to practically carry me to the car. Kori’s heart may have failed, but I felt as if I was leaving mine right there with her. When we made it home, I went to Kori’s old room. Her blanket smelled just like coconuts, just like her, I wrapped myself in them and cried an ocean for my sister.

Days passed with my parents coming in and out of the room, bringing soups and drinks, all of which were left untouched. Today my father came in with toast and hot tea. He sat next to me in bed. “Cheyenne, you have to get up. The funeral is today.” How could that be? I had no idea how long I’d been in Kori’s room. I didn’t know if I wanted to see my sister again or not. As much as I missed her, I didn’t want to say goodbye. Noticing my hesitance, my dad gently pulled me up into a hug. “We need you today, baby girl. We all miss her and we all need each other. Today will be a difficult day, but we can get through it together. Your mama’s having a tough day, so make it as easy on her as you can. Get up, eat, and get dressed baby. Mom laid out something for you on your bed.”

I thought the last week had been difficult, but seeing Kori lying in her casket and then lowering her into the ground, took everything else out of me.

Once we were home and all the guest had finally left my mother came into Kori’s room holding a box. Sitting beside me on the bed, she grabbed my hand, “your sister begged your father and I to not tell you that her condition had worsened.” I stiffened at her side, wanting to yank my hand away from her, but she squeezed it gently, caressing the back of it. “I know hearing that probably makes you angry. We didn’t do it to hurt you. We..." I spun towards her quickly, eyes flashing with anger, “you didn’t want to hurt me? What else would I feel mama? I could’ve been spending this time with her. I could’ve gotten more time with my sister” My mother nodded and caressed my cheek. “I’m so sorry Chy. Kori is my baby too; I did what I thought was best. Here, she told me to give this to you after her service.” My anger dissolved as I took the box from my mother with shaky hands. She hugged me and told me she loved me before she left me alone with Kori’s box.

I carefully removed the top of the box, there were tons of pictures of us, old friendship bracelets, movie and concert tickets, and other trinkets we had acquired over the years. Deeper inside was a little black book. Replacing everything else into the box I scooted back to the headboard and opened it.

Cheyenne,

If you’re reading this, it’s too late. Too soon? I know you’re probably angry at me for not telling you about my prognosis, but I did what I felt was best. Besides, I’m sure there’s a rule about being mad at your dead sister. Don’t frown your face up at me either, I can joke about my own death. Do you know why I practically made you leave for college? I knew it was what you needed. You’ve always been by my side, fighting my battles, never giving regard to your own happiness. When you came home for Christmas, I noticed the shift in you. You’re coming into your own, something that staying her would’ve never allowed, because you would’ve been too preoccupied with my well-being. Well, little sister I just couldn’t have that. I knew when the doctor’s said that I would need a new heart that this was going to be the outcome. It gave me time to explore the things I am passionate about and you time to spread your wings without my imminent death looming over us.

Chy, you are the best friend and sister that anyone could have. You loved me enough for ten lifetimes. Now, I want you to live your life as fully as you have loved me. Promise me you’ll go back to school? Like now girl! Don’t give it too long or it’ll be too hard to go back. Don’t make me guilt you into it, because you know I never got to go to college because my heart, just wasn’t strong enough *blinks innocently. Are you smiling yet? Good! I have one last surprise for you. Go to this address and ask for Tony. Don’t all scary now Chy, this may be a little black book, but I’m not playing madam.

I love you Chy Chy! Remember, *clears throat “me and you. Us have one heart. Makidada!” Sing the song Chy! “Ain’t no ocean, ain’t no sea. Makidada. Keep my sister away from me. Makidada!”

I’ll always be with you. Don’t allow this grief to trap all of the beautiful gifts you are meant to share with the world.

I love you

-Kori.

I smiled through my tears, singing the song from our favorite movie,

The Color Purple. I rushed to grab my purse and keys to head to the address in the little black book.

I pulled up to an apartment building and walked in. A man with a name tag that read “Tony” gave me a warm smile. “Tony? Um...my sister said to ask for you I believe, she…” Tony’s eyes turned even warmer and he took my hand, “Cheyenne, right?” I nodded, “I’m so sorry about your sister,” he said. I swallowed the lump and offered a small smile. He handed me a set of keys, “it’s unit 212, it’s on the second floor.” I took the keys and rushed to the elevator. Once I reached the door, I took a second to catch my breath, I thought my nerves would consume me. It took me a few tries to get the key into the door, I was shaking that badly. Once inside I discovered it as a loft. It looked like an art studio. I cut on the light and it was filled with sculptures and paintings. Kori always loved art, growing up, but I didn’t know she’d gotten back into it. These were good, really good. I walked around the room and noticed each piece was centered around hearts. Anatomical paintings and sculptures with varying hues and dimensions. I caressed them gently. I noticed that all of them but one had sold signs on them. On the counter was one sculpture of a heart with trap two of hands cradling it. There was an envelope in front of it with my name on it.

Chy,

If you’re reading this, you’ve found it! Don’t roll your eyes, I’ve been waiting to use these Drake references!

This sculpture is for you. For you to always remember that we have one heart, and as king as yours beats, I’ll be with you. I’ve enclosed a little something for from my earnings. Yes, sis had her own shmoney! I won’t tell you how to use it, except for to make sure that it’s FOR YOU. Don’t give it away, don’t donate it, I’ve already made a donation in your name, because I know how you are! Do something fun, or crazy, start a business, travel. Whatever you want to do, to it. Live big, love bigger.

-Kori

I cried as I unveiled the check, she had enclosed for $20,000. Kori said I was always thinking of her, but she was always thinking to me too. I didn’t know what I would do next, the prospect of not having my sister here by my side hurt deeply. I did know that I wouldn’t allow the hurt to cripple me, because I would be doing a disservice to her memory. I knew the days ahead would be difficult but she would always live in my heart and her little black book would never be far away either.