Not so ‘happily ever after’

When my partner and I decided to get married, we always knew that we would have to live with his parents. It’s an old Punjabi tradition that the eldest son of any family will take care of his parents (with his wife) as they grow older. The thought of this didn’t really phase me, as I’d known his whole family for the decade I'd been with him, and I truly thought I’d forged some strong relationships with them. If anything, I was excited and looking forward to moving in. What could have possibly gone wrong?

A lot.

Things took a weird turn the day my husband and I had got back from our honeymoon. Bearing in mind, we were away for two weeks - we were looking forward to returning home and seeing the family to catch up and tell them about our trip. But when we walked in, and put our suitcases down, the first thing my mother in law blurted out was "You two can wash your own f*****g clothes, okay?!". My husband and I looked at eachother with stunned looks on our faces. Where the hell did that come from?

It left me really questioning, what could have possibly been discussed in that two weeks of us not being there? What scenarios or situations had my new family been building up? Had we done something? I was baffled.

As the weeks went by, I was made to feel more and more like a stranger in my new home. I was ignored and avoided daily by my mother and sister in laws. But when but extended family came over I was paraded around like the model daughter/sister in law. I’d never seen my mother in law so giddy and happy until it was in front of outsiders. Her behaviour could switch so fast - it was worrying.

My husband would always say, "this is just how they are. I've dealt with it my whole life, you'll get used to it." Really?? "But why should I have to?" was always my response. Our whole relationship was built on respect and love, and I expected the same when it came to my relationship with his family. I realise now, I was naive to ever think we would be one big happy family.

Things took a turn for the worst 6 months into our marriage. I had gotten to a point where I was resenting my in laws, we were arguing more and more, even to a point where they had in haste ‘thrown’ us out but very quickly backtracked becuase they knew it would make them look bad to outsiders. This infuriated me. I was hell bent on leaving.

It was during this time that I did something I shouldn’t have. I took pictures of my messy home, and sent them to my sisters. This was childish, but I was angry. Angry that I was being made to feel like I wasn’t welcome into the home I’d married into. Angry that I was being treated like a lesser individual. Angry that my husband and I were made to struggle.

A few days later my sister in laws took it upon themselves to hack into my Snapchat account which had my personal pictures and videos - including the ones I had sent to my sisters.

Without my consent, and without speaking to me about it first - they sent the pictures to their parents.

All hell broke loose.

I walked into the lions den, shaking - terrified at the thought of having to face my in laws following what I considered to be the ultimate betrayal by my new ‘sisters’.

Things were fraught following that conversation. My relationship was in tatters, I was now really not welcome in this home. There was no place for me here - I was alone.

This brought me to my lowest points. My relationship with my husband had changed, I had changed. I was exiled, I spent more and more time away from my marital home which meant I was spending less time with my husband. I couldn’t see the light at the end ot the tunnel; until I spoke to my mum.

She has always been my teacher in life, guiding me to make sensible decisions. And the best I ever made was agreeing to take a loan off of her to buy our own house. Without her I would probably be depressed, divorced or both.

For anyone feeling the strain of trying to salvage broken relationships I would say if it doesn’t serve your mind, body or soul - LET IT GO!