My Mother-in-Law on Life Support

To fellow Vocal creators - this is why I've been a bit distracted and non-interactive lately. I'm very concerned and don't know what to do. I guess this is a cautionary tale about responsibility.

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW ON LIFE-SUPPORT

On March 2, 2022, my husband got a text from his brother saying “Hey, Mom’s not doing so well.” That was an understatement.

She is in her mid-eighties and diabetic. She has been living in this now unsuitable home for many years, her daughter moved from Colorado to Michigan under the guise of “caretaker” about six years ago. Since then, Mom’s diet has gotten worse, she’s gained more and more weight and has essentially become immobile. The house is a messy disaster, cluttered with dirty dishes, dirt, dust, mildew and piles of “stuff.” It’s a nightmare for anyone with health problems, not to mention, mobility issues.

So my husband called the sister, who had deemed herself the caretaker and lives with my Mother-in-Law. Anyway, I digress. When the sister, answered the phone, we found out Mom had been unresponsive for at least 2 hours, and no one had called 911. So he hollered at his sister to “Call 911!” And hung up on her. We proceeded to call 911 to help his Mom from a state away. We live in Wisconsin.

When I spoke with her harshly later, she deemed Tom rude and that I just hated her. Whatever.

Shortly, the ambulance service came to Mom’s aid to transport her to the hospital. We did not receive a call back from any family members for over a day letting us know if she was dead or alive. We found out finally that she was being transferred by life flight to another hospital with an available ICU bed. She was in a coma due to sepsis, needing a ventilator and blood pressure pump.

We also found out that she had been bed-ridden for about 10 days before that. I have questions.

A couple of days later, she finally woke up. Life support was able to be removed, but a feeding tube had to be – hopefully temporarily – placed into her stomach due to dysphagia and risk of aspiration of food and liquids. That meant surgery, and rehab to recover the ability to eat solid food ever again, as well as rehab to recover her mobility.

She was transferred to a regular room within the same hospital, out of ICU, but where they could readily step back in if needed to deal with an emergency situation. But here, she was able to begin recovery and rehabilitation on a limited basis.

After a few more days, she was able to be transferred to a rehab facility specific to her needs.

Now, her next option is a desire to return home to an environment completely unsuitable for her, both physically and in human supportive care. She will return to the same three story split level home and the same caretaker who nearly cost her her life in the first place. She cannot climb steps and will have no access to a shower or bath.

Her daughter/caregiver never once visited her in the hospital or rehab facility in five weeks. My husband and daughter – her son and grand-daughter - visited her three weekends in a row. We live over 4 hours away. Her daughter was about 1.5 hours away, and she had her clothes. My Mother-in-Law never got any clothes. Her other son did call her once in the hospital about 3-4 weeks in upon major prompting. He also lives less than two hours away from the hospital.

The woman was near death and she was basically alone.

She has since returned home. She went to the Emergency Room the next morning as she fell trying to navigate the steps into the house with her caretaker/daughter. She cracked open her shins and they couldn’t get the bleeding to stop. I’m very worried about how things will go from here, but attempting to do whatever I can think of to correct this situation. I am limited.

It never should have come to this.