My Mom

Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy…Momma..mom…you sleeping? MOOOOMMMMM. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? I am sure as moms we all experience this. I have even at times changed my name to your majesty, so I can feel the power behind the name Mom. Such a big title, with little to NO PREPERATION FOR! There is no study guide, quiz, or even an infomercial telling me that one product will guarantee my child will grow up to be an amazing contributing member of society, and you will raise them with ease and grace. No! I got the crash course, and at times I feel like I am walking in slow motion as everything behind me is blowing up…but I have my coffee in hand, and my big girl undies ON. What is even more insane is I even have a BACHELOR’S in child development and education. So, one would think that I have all the tools to be successful right? Wrong again, nope not me. I am trending water with the best of them. The best of them including the one who I call mom. The one who has inspired me to be the mom I am today, and then some. I come from a long line of strong mommas, and as I gaze at the collage, I created I see we are all just holding on and doing the absolute best we can. Let me take you into my world, and the awesomeness of my mom.

Motherhood is different today than it was in the 80’s. Now we have all this information at our fingertips, with unwanted solicited advice from social media, gurus, and your neighbor’s best friend’s aunt. My mom was savage with it, and she just did what she knew was right for me as her child. Not only was I her precious baby girl, she as also a stepmom to two young boys. I laugh looking back on my childhood because again the times were so different, and life then seemed to be more carefree to a point, but we also knew that not to mess with our parents because spankings were real, not an idle threat. My mom though rarely had to get upset with me from what I can remember. She was always kind, funny, and strong. My biological father was not the ideal husband. He was violent and a drunk. I remember him hurting her a lot, and her standing strong to protect the children. I watched her from afar going through the struggle of parenthood. As an adult I look back, and I can see the times when she was holding back the tears. I can see the moments of financial struggle, and making ends meet. As a mom myself I can put myself in her shoes, and I wish what I know now I knew then. I rather not go into details of the pain she endured, but rather celebrate her victories and influence.

My mother ended up getting married to a wonderful man who changed her life. He showed her what unconditional and true love is. She was then diagnosed with epilepsy, and started down a road of many medical procedures, appointments, pain management, and much more. She endured more traumas than one could ever imagine, yet if you talk to her today, she still is as positive as she can be. She has moments like the rest of us when the pain and traumas attempt to consume the light from within, but she fights through. Through her experiences I have gained a great deal of insight on the mind, body, and soul. She has shown me that life is not about the material gains, accomplishments, accolades, it is about the relationships, moments, memories, and experiences. She holds on to the best moments in her life, to get her through the sadder days. She holds on to relationships and has the long conversations reminiscing the old days reliving her youth. She loves to take care of people, guide them, support them, and ensure they are okay by any means she can. I have inherited her empathy, kindness, understanding, stubbornness, and no none sense type of attitude.

Growing up my mom was the mom that my friends like to talk to because she gave great advice. She also was relatable and kept it real. My mom also taught me to educate myself on the world around me and do not settle on just one concept, religion, or culture. She encouraged me to learn more about the world, rather than what was written in textbooks. I loved the fact that I was able to study all religions, ask questions, and decide what I feel is best for me. With this she did not shelter me from the gifts passed on through our family. Many of the women in my family have the 6th sense. The gift of prediction, seeing others from the other side, or understanding the cards at hand. She did not shelter me from the experiences that she has encountered with spirits, or the repercussions of tarot readings. Now my mom is also a hippie at heart who loves smoking the ganja. If someone were to ask me to close my eyes and take me back to a childhood memory. I would be at home, listening to “Gypsy” by Fleetwood Mac, smelling incents, seeing my mom drinking her soda, and doing something with the golden hour lighting up the place, or waking me up in the middle of the night to go on a Taco Bell run…as an adult I realize, that moment my mom probably had some serious munchies.

As I type this, I hear the pitter patters of my own tiny human’s upstairs that call me mom. I ask myself how they are going to remember me. What kind of mom will they remember me as? How am I helping influence their life? I can only hope that they take the good and inherit the heart and soul of our family unit. I want them to be able to look back and be inspired by moments, laugh at my silly mistakes, and recall my awesome dance skills I can do while cooking. I hope I inspire them to be good humans, make a difference, do not hate, or judge, and always remember we all have our own unique story. I hope to inspire them to see life at all angles and through different eyes, for the world is so beautiful and sometimes hidden. I forget the last time I slept through the night, if I brushed my teeth today, and what in the world I walked to the living room for. I at times have a short fuse, feel burnt out, and like I am on some bad reality show. No matter what struggles, challenges, stressors, or craziness I endure, like my mom I will succeed at being a mom one way or another, and I would not give a single moment up for anything! With every stressor comes a belly laugh, bear hug, and unconditional love. Holidays are full of hand-crafted kid made items, questionable looking drawings, and tons of messes. Getting out the door is a joke, and I will never be on time. I love every single moment, and thanks to my mom and all the generations of mothers, I know my children have a solid foundation. My daughter doesn’t realize it yet, but she will one day.