My husband

I met my husband 13+ years ago. I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time. We were friends before it turned into something more. Despite so many obvious differences we had so many more similarities. We are from different cultures, ethnicities, socio-economics, age groups and have different religious beliefs. Yet we connect so well. We have a similar sense of humor. We both love old movies and classic music. We love the theater and outdoors. We like the beach and sun. We like the mountains and hiking. We love family, wine and food. We’re still different enough to keep it interesting as well.

So many of my single friends feel like there aren’t great guys in the dating pool anymore. Two of my cousins told me that more married men are hitting on them on social media than single men. They’ve told me that many of the single men that they do connect with aren’t a good match to where they are in life. I understand. I believe as humans we get so caught up in what things are supposed to be or to look like for our relationships, that we miss some wonderful opportunities. As our world changes, I believe that our parameters should maybe shift as well. Perhaps we should rethink what we believe to be our perfect match.

Firstly , perfect relationships are a possibility, but they don’t exist in the way that one would think of perfection. Perfect for me is not going to be perfect for you. Bringing two very different individuals together to live under the same roof to coexist in the same space is not easy. If you have siblings then you already know what I mean. There will be disagreements. There will be times when you just don’t like them for a moment, but you still love them. Learning how to disagree in a healthy way is important. Sometimes you have to just let things go. It takes time to get to know your person.

Another cousin recently posted “what is love?”. I said I believe that it’s something different for each person. My brother said its never having to say that you are sorry. That’s just a platitude that too many people buy into. He went on to say that you put the other person’s feeings first so that it becomes unnecessary to ever apologize. I don’t believe that one bit! Real love is actually saying your sorry a lot and learning to actually mean it. We are human, putting someone else first doesn’t come naturally. Nor is it always the best option to do so. My grandmother always said you cannot pour from am empty vessel. It’s not selfish to nourish ones own self before trying to care for someone else. There is a huge difference between selfishness and selflessness.

We have been married now for 6+ years which I realize isn’t very long in the scheme of things. One of the ways that I know its right is that time passes quickly for both of us . I still like him as a person. I still like doing things with him. I love his character and sense of duty, his loyalty and his kindness. We still laugh together and play together. He has morphed into a best friend as well as a partner. The journey hasn’t always been smooth or even pain free, but we are there for one another. He supports my crazy ideas and I support his dreams. He hugs me when I’m sad and understands me when I become frustrated. I cook his favorite foods which are not always the things that I like to eat. I take care of him and he takes care of me. We fight sometime, yes. Usually over something that’s really not all that important in hindsight. We say what we mean but we are never mean. We don't do name calling or belittlment. Tearing someone down isn’t a way to show love. That applies to anyone in our lives not just to our partners. You have to like the person you are with before you can truly love them.

I don’t assume to be a relationship expert. I just think that its always best to treat others the way we want to be treated ourselves. I am fortunate to have found my guy. If I had not opened my mind to the possibility of finding someone that was not just like me, then we would have never found each other. So I suppose the only advise that I have to offer is, if you are single and want to find a life partner then, open your mind to a different paradigm. Open your mind and the heart will follow. Both may surprise you.

His Eyes are Blue by Karolyn Denson Landrieux

His eyes are ocean

His soul however is not

His soul is my sun