My Big-Little Bud

So, who has been the biggest mentor or hero in my life?

Before I sat down to write this, all I could say was I don’t know.

Then the other day I was driving my son, Chester, home from drama practice, and he asked:

“Mom…what’s for dinner?”

For me, that is one of the most dreaded questions I face every day. Why? Why is it so hard for me to work up the energy to just make a simple meal?

And that’s when I undoubtedly knew who my hero was…

This 5’8” thirteen-year-old boy who is fresh to the ranks of teenager.

My Big-Little Bud…My Son.

For me…making dinner is the hardest part of my day. I am so mentally and emotionally exhausted all the time. I am a single mom to this amazing boy. I have two jobs to keep us afloat and most times it is still just not enough. I can never take him on any vacations, or even out to dinner once a month. I can’t even buy him clothes without help and must get most of my groceries from a food pantry. And this just breaks my heart. I look on Facebook and see all his friends’ families’ pictures of the week-long vacations they just took, or of their pictures from the beach and of them just going to places like an indoor trampoline park. And it hurts. It hurts seeing that because I can’t do that for my son. But what I can do for him is take him to baseball practice three days a week. I can take him to a youth sports training facility, and to the gym to play basketball. I can work multiple jobs to keep a roof over his head.

I can make him dinner…

I broke down in the car one day driving him home from baseball, and I remember feeling this rush of sadness that I couldn’t do anything for him or take him to do anything fun. I couldn’t stop crying and apologizing to him for being so poor and unsuccessful with my life. I told him that I wished I could take him to do all those things that his friends are doing. And what he told me just broke my heart. But not in a sad way. In a way that made me know that I was doing something right. He put his arm around me and said:

| “Mom…you do so much for me! I don’t need to do

Any of those things. You let me play baseball and

take me to the gym to play basketball. I know how hard

you work and I have everything I need. I love you.

Don’t cry.” |

This kid of mine…this kid with such a big heart…is okay living like this and that is what gets me through the day. That is what gives me just the extra push I need in life to do more.

Many coaches, teachers, and mentors have been present in my life for 40 years. From sports coaches, to parents, to supervisors, to superstars…I honestly wasn’t quite sure I could pin down one single one to write about. But none of them have had the impact on my life like my son has.

I could say that my mom is my hero because of her perseverance in life and the obstacles she has overcome since childhood. She is an amazing woman who has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She would give her last cent away to a stranger if she could. She is the most generous and giving person you will ever meet.

I could say that my dad is my hero because of his work ethic and how much he has shown me in life on how to be a caretaker and provide for my family. He is the most driven and hard-working man I have ever known. He is such a great and wonderful father.

I could say that the Air Force was my greatest mentor because it taught me core values that will remain with me throughout the rest of my life. The Air Force taught me the value of integrity, service before self, and excellence in all we do. It taught me how to pay attention to detail and how great of a life lesson that would be. Those values have helped me every day of my life and are some of the guiding principles that I can teach my son and pass on to him to apply in his life.

I could say that the first real supervisor I had in the Air Force was my greatest teacher: Technical Sergeant (at the time) Willie Anderson. He allowed me to grow into myself as a person. He taught me the principles of independence and grit. He taught me how to be a part of a team. He always kept his cool and remained calm under pressure. I will never forget how he would sweep and take out the trash at the end of the day while we kept working. He taught me that nothing should ever be beneath you just because you are in charge. Having him as my supervisor demonstrated to me what kind of manager I wanted to be in life.

All these people throughout the years have prepared me for life itself. Even though I’m not successful, or make a lot of money, I am successful in the fact that I have a loaded arsenal of values that I can pass on. But sometimes I do feel that for my son to succeed in life, I must succeed. I want him to see how much hard work pays off…or how to stay strong when life gets you down. But in all actuality, he is the one teaching me right now. He is teaching me the value of love.

Chester,

You have such a big heart and you have taught me more than any other person who has come into my life. You have taught me so much patience and have given me more strength than I ever thought could be possible. You have given me so much meaning and purpose in life without even knowing it. You hold me more accountable than any coach or teacher could. Your big heart and simplicity are what keep me strong. I love you more than anything else in this world.

X-O-X-O

Love Always,

Momma