My Backstory To Now

After telling my story of Lightningbolt's passing, I thought it would be nice to tell of the situation I briefly mentioned in that story . . .

I used to live in a small town in Georgia named Talking Rock. Talking Rock is an Indian-based name given by the Cherokee Indians if I am correct. My memory is a bit fuzzy over the origins of Talking Rock and how it came to be. No doubt there is websites to cover it if you're interested on that topic. Anyway, I lived in a decent sized home, however compared to the amount of kids that flooded the place it was rather small. I had five siblings and I was the second oldest, but I was the oldest of the girls (In order; boy, me, girl, girl, boy, girl (not including half-sibling which is a girl)). We used to be a family that would have family-outings and get-togethers. My family used to be a unit. On top of us six children, we of course had a mother and father but as the years went on, they began to separate.

My mother and father began to fight and bicker, to begin with it was behind closed doors until they just didn't care where their fights took place anymore. I briefly remember them fighting in front of me, an emotional child of theirs. I screamed out pleading, "Please! Stop! I don't need to see this!" I was about seven or eight at the time, I don't remember my age clearly. I only know that I was quite young. My father responded to my pleading in a smartly tone, "You know you're right, you don't need to see this." From their he used me against my mother. Saying it was her fault the fight began and she was a bad mother for arguing in front of their child. Truth is, behind their bedroom door she had simply asked for a divorce. That she never loved him and the fights weren't worth it anymore. He said no and went into a rage as she left the room. He was the one to bring their fight to me, not my mother who wasn't aware that I was in the living room.

I also remember one night when we were on our way to my grandmother's house, my father and grandmother made me choose on who I wanted to stay with. I was made to choose my father. It was later I found out he wanted us only for the money we would bring him. I found out that he took so much money from us. The money that he promised in front of officials was going to be put away for us. The money he wasn't suppose to touch because it wasn't his. A single father looks good on paper, so can you imagine how much money he got when the stimulus went through? On June 17th, 2014 the divorce was final and we were informed altogether as a family. The thing is, we weren't much of a family after that. We had attempted family therapy, but never went back after the first time. My brother and younger sister who was born after me had to go to therapy. We found out my brother was autistic, but he refuses to believe he is. To be honest, you wouldn't know unless he told you. He is so intelligent despite everything that has happened to him. He was a target for bullies throughout his school years. My sister (I won't share names until they give me the okay to do so) also went to therapy, but it didn't last because my grandmother assumed she was just doing this all for attention.

My sisters and I all suffer from depression, that's no doubt. We've all thought there was a way to end it all, but we'd also miss out on our future's for such actions. We all wanted a better life. We wanted freedom from our grandmother and father. It was like after the divorce was final that they can now do whatever they pleased with us. The girls of the house (minus my younger sister who was at the tail end of the birthing line) were to clean the house head-to-toe. I didn't mind it. It definitely needed cleaning. But it was the way she treated us during it. If it wasn't done to her liking or if we didn't do it the way she demonstrated, then we'd be forced to do it all over. It was demeaning, but we carried on even into the next day if she deemed it necessary. We went on past tired and when we'd finally hit the pillow we were out cold. We dreaded the days that went on, but as time passed we realized that everything our grandmother was putting us through was mental and emotional manipulation. It was abuse. Sometimes she'd even get physical with us and claim she never meant to lay a hand on us. She claimed sometimes we'd brought it upon ourselves.

My grandmother was also a Christian lady, but a toxic one. She blamed us for all that was wrong in her life. The next day she'd take us out and buy us some sort of treat to make amends. She'd bring God and the fact that we were baptized into our face during arguments. Every time something went wrong or was wrong I just put my feelings aside and comply. She was right, no matter how we'd try to plead for her to see different, we were simply wrong. It was the adult over the child for her. We were meant to stay in the child's place no matter the age. For her, we had no rights. Since I've moved out and have spoken to others, I have found that my father and grandmother have viewed us as property all along. We never really meant anything else to them. My father would always stand by my grandmother's side (his mother) no matter how wrong she was. We'd tell him about the abuse that took place and he'd brush it off or say she was in the right. I never felt at home ever since my mother stepped out. Although, it never really felt at home.

As covid hit I really fell into my depression hard. I pleaded with my grandmother for me to go out with my co-worker and her daughter. I was working at UPS during this time. I started working for UPS back in Oct.2018. Anyway, she said there was no use. She told me I had a whole family I could hang with. That I didn't need no one else but family and it was at this point I was starting to feel like Disney's Rapunzel. I felt locked away, made to work and go to college to appease everyone else around me. I wanted to go to a college I fell in love with, SCAD. An art college in Atlanta, Ga that was an hour away from home. But due to my grandmother, father, and grandmother not all getting together to come up with a way to get my driver's license test appointment and then blaming me, it never happened. See, my father relys on his hip replacement and false attempts at freaking out in car-rider school pickups to not do something to help out. He has left it all to his mother to pickup and drop off all six of his kids from school. He has left it all to her to take care of us. So I understand where some of her madness comes from, however, that is still no excuse for what she has done.

I fell into the world of technology heavily as a way to escape the world I lived in. I found a website now turned app that I haven't seen in years. It was an app called IMVU. A way to make friends even if it meant we'd never get together in real life. I came across two profiles, StealerofSouls and FireFox. I made friends with these people who were twenty years old while I was eighteen at the time. FireFox was a woman meanwhile StealerofSouls was a male. I immediately knew at some point this would become a me or her situation so I tried to play friend in the background. I just knew I would be left alone. Eventually, Souls and I got together. Which, to me was surprising but I found out his reasoning was that Fox really didn't speak to him much at all until him and I got together. She confessed her feelings to which he explained he was already taken but not by who. Souls and I told her together on an Instagram video chat. She hasn't spoken to us since.

As time went on though I started getting more serious about finding a way to move out. My boyfriend offered his place to stay, he could see how fed up I was about my situation. It was at this time that we've been together for a little more than a year and a half. I started talking more to my co-worker about what was all taking place back at my house. She started getting concerned for us. It was then I told her I was moving out and into Missouri with my boyfriend. I told her he'd come to the UPS dinner and he'd stay at least three days prior to make sure this is what I wanted to do. She was apprehensive at first but after giving his information as well as his mother and father's from Facebook, she seemed more at ease. She spoke with his mother who was aware of our plan and comes from a similar background. My boyfriend's mother also spoke with me for a bit to get use to who I was and to welcome me to the family.

Two weeks prior to my boyfriend coming, I had told my boss I'd no longer be working there and that I'd attend the dinner as my last day. He understood and apparently was well aware of the situation. He told me to go with my gut and trust my instincts, he also wished me well and that I'd be irreplaceable there. On the third day of my boyfriend's stay we attended the UPS dinner and met my grandmother back at the UPS store. My boyfriend, my boss, his wife, my co-worker, and her daughter were there to support me. I had told my boss to let my sisters get out of his car and to go ahead and get out of there. I told him I was appreciative of all that he has done for me and with that he left. I broke it to her that I wouldn't be coming home. She fought with me about it and finally called my father after realizing I wasn't going anywhere with her. My co-worker's daughter called the police over this verbal dispute. I made my war to my boyfriend's truck after the calls were made and my grandmother tried to intercept. As my hand made way for the door she grabbed my wrist. My boyfriend lifted his arm in-between us from underneath and placed me behind him. He explained that I'd wait in the truck because I felt safer there to which she tried to climb in saying she could to. He explained to her calmly that she wasn't allowed to and my co-worker stood by watching this all go down even after my grandmother told her to go away to which she explained she wouldn't be leaving because I wanted her there.

My father and the police show up about near the same time. Which I open the truck door to converse with my father as the police stood near. My grandmother approached and quietly said this was all my fault and that I should just come home. My father and grandmother repeatedly said that I wasn't doing this the right way and that I should come home. My father repeatedly said for us to go home or the waffle house to talk about this. I asked if I could leave after we talked and they said it was to be decided. My father at one point got to close and was threatening my boyfriend which I called the police over. My grandmother accused me then of trying to send them to jail. I then blatantly refused any offer given about talking elsewhere and said we could talk right were we where then. After much verbal circling and getting nowhere with them I ended it. I told my boyfriend to close the door and for us to leave. My father had to be told that if he didn't let go of the truck door that he'd go away in cuffs for interference. My grandmother had to ripped his hand from it and after a few goodbyes and comforting hugs we were on our way. The police stood behind with my co-worker to make sure that they wouldn't try to follow us or my co-worker to our places.

I have an array of text sent from them that I have screenshotted. If I find a way to share them I will. I have a text from my grandmother but that one I haven't opened or screenshotted. After the way they talked to me I refuse to have anything to do with them. They've crossed so many boundaries. I have much more to share and will to do so in the next story, because my parent and grandparent we definitely not through with trying to reach me and my new address.