My Adoption Journey

I sat on my bed reading the picture that my mother would not let me remove. She said ”as long as you live in this house it stays on the wall”. I am 16 for crying out loud. I never argued, I knew why it was there. It read:

Not flesh of my flesh;

Not bone of my bone;

but still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

you didn’t grown under my hear but

IN IT.

Even though I was loved I longed to know where I got this nose, and my mousy brown hair. Both my parents were 5’10 and here I am 4’11. I always knew I was adopted by who am I? I asked mom enough about it and she just said she did not know but did share a note from my foster mother that said I was a great baby, and she gave me the name of Rachel Gray.

When I turned 18 I sent a letter to social services in our County to have my adoption filed opened. Two very long years later I get a response. They will give me the information they can and can make an appointment to discuss. At the bottom was a hand written letter asking if my adopted brother would be interest in the same. He was younger than I , and I asked. He was so we went together to the country for our review. I was very hopeful.

We were taken to a conference room and two folders sat in front of us. They started with me. I was informed that I had a brother 11 years older then me and gave me a name. The told me I was born in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital and my birth mother at one time lived just 20 minutes always from where I grew up. Lastly, they told me what my birth mother named me (ready for this?) Cindy Lou- yes I was named after the ”Grinch that stole Christmas”. My adoptive brother rolled. Great.. just great... I’m short, and I’m named after a short cartoon character.. NICE..

My brother on the other hand had a letter in his file from his birth mom. She put him up for adoption because she had 3 children and my brother was a surprise and his birth father wanted to part of him or his mother. Knowing she could not feed her 3 let alone another child. She prayed she was doing the right thing and placed him for adoption but hoped they could connect some day. Which they did and had a beautiful relationship until his death. (That story will follow in another life story for another day).

Since this proved to be little help I then started to search different places. I contact the hospital I was born in to obtain see if I could find a name. Nope name removed when then found I was an adoption case. Called the local emergency dispatch for ambulance records (since I knew I was born in the ambulance). Nope record destroyed to old. I found my foster mother address off the envelope from the letter she gave my adoptive mom. However, she passed away 3 month prior to me showing up. I gave up for a while. Still it haunted me.

Ten years passed and I hired a private detective to help me. They turned me on to Ancestry.com. I spit in a tube sent it off with fingers crossed. It came back that my ancestors were all clumped in the northeast and Canada. HMMM. Only 2nd and 3rd cousins and further back. I started writing emails someone had to know. Nothing .. no responses... NADA.

One year later- a sibling showed up in the notheast. WHAT REALLY.... I knew the last name and first initial. I wrote them.. No response. I searched Instagram and found them there. Maybe they have a sibling? I searched and found someone with same last name and sent them the weirdest email I have ever written. Something like this:

Hi,

My name is Elizabeth and I was on my Ancestry account and some one by the name of Jon Doe ( protecting names here) is showing a my sibling. I was adopted and have been searching for my birth family for 30 years. Do you know if Jon did an ancestry DNA test? Please help me if you can. I know this is an odd request but I want to know my story.

No sooner then I sent it and I got a response. Hi, they said.. Let me make some calls and Ill get back to you. Ten minutes later - Hi, do you have a number I can call you? Your family just got a whole lot bigger. You better sit down.

For the next 30 minutes - this person told me that I have at least 5 half siblings where they lived, about Aunts, Uncles and his life. He also did a DNA test 2 days later and he as also listed as my brother.. But no one knew anything about birth mother. I was on cloud 9. Sister and brother ! I was eager to meet. I was not prepared for the rejection that a few showed. The Anger and hatred that even my name brought forth. Oddly, the one sister worked with me in the same parent company and she told the one friendly sister whom I am close with. “Tell her NOT to look me up in the compant directory”. I was ready for that - my response “Wow.. I did not think of that I was not interested enough”. I figured that if they wanted nothing to do with me it was probably better that way and not worth my second thought.

Then- a second cousin showed up that was not listed on my brothers side. I sent her an email. Six months later and response. Yes, I believe I know who your mother is. She lives in Arizona. What she is alive?

I just got back from meeting my mom. I arrived at her house May 27th. I sat in her driveway shaking. I thought “ God you brought me to this.. you will bring me through this”. I got out - walked to the door. Standing before me was a little old lady of 82. OMG.. I look just like her. Her eyes looked like I was staring in mirror. Hi, I said .. My name is Elizabeth. She said “ You are my daughter”.

We spend 4 days rebuilding what never took place. We talked we laughed we went for walks. I found me.

I believe that God answers prayer, makes miracles, and carrys you through difficult times. It is done on his time, his plan, not on ours. Trust there is a reason for the timing, the place and situations made perfect before you are blessed with somethin amazing. He has a plan for each of us. Patience, Faith, Grace and Love. I was blessed and praise God each and everyday.

God Bless you all for taking the time to read my short story on this. Trust in the Lord and the journey he has for you.