MOTHERS INTUITION

Tired and exhausted. I sat opposite my son at the table. "Is everything all right, I ask?" "Yes, mum. I'm just tired."

My heart was racing, and my intuition was telling me we were losing time. I couldn't help but to prier more.

I ask my son again. "What's going on with you Mitchell, you haven't been yourself for a little while now?"

"I have a headache, mum!"

I was waiting in the family doctor's room, thinking of a sane way to approach the worries I had again. Feelings of numbness in his hands, nausea, chronic headaches, and moments of long-distance stares; I knew in my heart something wasn't right with my son.

My worries were intensifying with time. Sweats, nightmares, and a feeling of doom, I will say I was starting to question my own sanity.

The medical room grew smaller, and I could almost see myself repeating the same worries. "There is something not right when I look at him; I can see it." "He is angry, tired, and is waking with headaches."

I had been pushing for months, and medical staff felt there was more concern around my mental health than the health of my son.

I knew I was struggling and I knew there was something not right; however, I had no one to turn to. No one was listening when I said my son was unwell.

"Everything is ok, I promise. There is nothing wrong."

"It is viral; take him home and give him Panadol."

"This is all about Mitchell acting out as you spend all your time with your youngest son."

"Why do you want blood tests? Why would you want to put your son through such an invasive procedure!"

As I walk past our couch, I look down and see my son in a fetal position. He was curled up, and my sudden instincts were that he was leaving me.

I swallowed hard; I held back the tears and walk over and sat beside him.

I push back his almost white fringe and gently ask, are you all right, love?

“Yes, mum, I am just tired!” I lean forward and kiss his head, telling him I love him.

I walked from one end of the house to the other, almost keeping busy but not achieving much at all. Everything about me wanted to take him to the hospital; however, we had been turned away with antibiotics, diagnosed with a virus infection, or behavioral issues. With each rejection, I doubted my motherly intuition.

Possibly I was the sick one here!

Maybe I am crazy?

Why do I see this, and no one else does?

I glance over, and I see my son's eyes shake vertically, back and forth. I count it out. One, two, three, four, five..... and at fifteen, his eyes stopped moving and then focused.

I did get this on phone video and I did take him to the Emergency Department.

Admitted into the ward, Mitchell was taken for an MRI the following morning.

As I wait outside the door of radiology. I could see the expression's change on the medical staff faces. Upon leaving, a gentleman offered to carry my bag. They asked if there was anything, they could get me, coffee, water. This was a big change from only moments before or the months previous when I was laughed at and we were turned away.

The Senior Doctor of pediatrics’ asks for the other patients to leave the room. He and a social worker walk me to the window. Mrs. Richards, we have got the results back.

Mitchell has a brain tumor!

I was right, yes, but at that moment, I wanted to be crazy.

I sat on the end of the bed and rocked back and forth, stamping my feet to the floor. I tried keeping my cries silent as Mitchell was only two beds down however we were divided by curtains. As silly as this may sound, even though he had endured months of pain, I didn't want him to know. I didn’t want for him to doubt the days ahead. I wanted him to stay strong.

“A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” – Sophia Loren

I had been told a mother knows their child well. It's an instinctual bond we have that has been created during pregnancy.

Maternal instinct or a mother’s maternal love provides a feeling or gravitational pull towards her offspring. That maternal ‘hunch’ will drive the mother to respond to the child’s needs. This is science!

“Instincts can be wrong, but intuition is always right." Judith Orloff, M.D., psychiatrist and author Guide to Intuitive Healing, agrees. "Intuition comes through as neutral, non-emotionally charged, and almost impersonal—just information," she says.

Interesting enough, the bond isn’t just phycological, within the first two weeks of pregnancy, the fetus and the mother exchange a two-way flow of stem cells and DNA.

In 1996, Diana Bianchi a geneticist at Tufts Medical Center, found male fetal cells in a mother's blood 27 years after she had given birth.

Remarkably, a woman can carry her child's DNA inside her own body and has been noted, specifically in the brain. Perhaps this can explain a mother’s intuition?

Although, scientist are still researching just how much pregnancy and childbirth can influence the mother's health; there is no doubt the mothers instinct is a binding chemical conversation that will continue on for years with her child.

"Trust a mothers intuition. This may just save her children's life." - Terese Richards

Although my intuition was right, the diagnosis was too late. The tumor has grown into a position that cancer could not all be extracted. Mitchell has endured four years of treatment and now in palliative care. We are heartbreakingly now talking about end-of-life comforts. Many still argue that mothers do not always know best; however, the argument is in the mother's intuition. This is science, and doubt can cost a child's life. It has always been better to be safe than sorry.