Mothers dirty secret

Where do i begin? Just another day with the same old routines, living life on auto pilot. I decided I would take a trip to see mom since she is feeling under the weather. I know this stupid virus going around has us worried who is going to be it's next victim.

"Hey mom!" I knock on the door before I open it. I don't hear anything. Usually she would have some talk show blaring in the living room. Nothing not a sound.

"Mom!" I yell again hoping she responds to me this time. Nothing. I feel my heart beat in my throat now. I hurry to find her hoping she hasn't realised her nosey daughter is being dramatic. I search the kitchen and living room first. No sight of her, looks as though the kitchen hasn't been used. I hurry into her room, nothing her bed is made perfectly and everything in its place. I walk over to her nightstand where a envelope with my name is written on it with her hand writing. "Hope," I open the envelope not sure what to expect, mother has never left anything for me without telling me first.

Hope, my sweet child. I know that I have been feeling under the weather lately and I know that this virus would get to me eventually. Know that I am being taken care of. I have been taken to a treatment clinic and I did not want you to see me go like this. I love you very much Hope, you have been very good to me. If by chance I do not make it back home I want you to go into the attic. There is a small chest under the boards where it creaks. Inside you will fond something I need you to tend to. I left on Friday if you do not hear from me by Sunday prepare to make arrangements my dear. It will all be okay Love Mom.

Before I fold the letter back into its place my tears stain the letter. Why would she leave without talking to me? I could have taken care of her. She didn't want to expose you Hope, I think to myself. I sit on the bed crying until I can no longer cry anymore. If dad was still alive he wouldn't have let her made such a decision. Dad died long ago when I was child just leaving the both of us. Mom never cried, never complained. She is the strongest person I know, never sick , did what she had to as a single mother. She worked her butt off to get me through school. Now look still trying to protect me. I feel like trash for not being here. I go through the house cleaning up a little, preparing for her arrival. I know she will be back just a matter of when. I make my self comfortable I am not going anywhere until she gets back home. I am not sure when I fall a sleep on the couch but I wake up when it is still dark out. My head is pounding from all the thinking of time wasted.

"Hey Joe, I won't be able to make it tomorrow, um today. My mom is sick and I don't know where they took her." I call my boss on his cell phone. He will let it slide since he has a major crush on me.

"Hey Hope," He sounds still a sleep with a hint of worry. "Let me know if I can do anything. I have connections we can get her the care she needs." He clears his throat not sure how to comfort me. I am not a very open person when it comes to my personal life but if I am calling out of work which I never do it has to be serious.

"Thanks I will let you know." I hang up before I let him hear me cry like a baby. I haven't felt this lost since a child. The one memory comes to mind when someone tried to grab me from our back yard and I was terrified. I remember seeing a man dressed in black scooping me up fast, not fast enough tough. My mom came running out with a pistol she kept in the cupboard with the cereal and shot at him. Grazed his ear, making him drop me. Next thing I see is my mom pistol whip him busting up his nose. She threatened to kill him next time she saw him in our neighborhood. She picked me right up and sat me on the kitchen table. Told me to keep it our secret. Mom was always a superhero to me. I start to cry again, I crawl back into the couch and close my eyes wishing for any sign of what to expect, or a goodbye at least.

I wake up to my moms empty home. I just sit there thinking of how to make the time pass quicker. It is Monday, three days since she left. She said by Sunday I would know, but I am not giving up hope, not yet.

I pull out the envelope again and read everything again hoping I missed a detail. I start to think about the box she hid in the attic. Why would she hide it like that? What did she not want anyone to find? I make my way up there to see what she has waiting for me to find. I press my feet every few inches to find the squeaking floor boards. After a few feet in I feel the loose floor boards and kneel down. I slowly pulls them aside to reveal the old chest she has hidden inside. Nothing fancy here. I slowly open the old chest and come to find old photos, passports, id's, money, lots of money and a little black book. Why does mom have so many different id's? This doesn't seem right.

I keep looking over the photos trying to wrap my head around what I am looking at. This doesn't make sense mom is so quite and serious she would never need to forge anything, she is a straight arrow. The image of her running with the pistol in her hand like it was second nature pops in my head. What if mom was some kind of agent? Agents don't have this kind of serious cash hidden in their attic. I keep looking through all of her items. The little black book being the last item, I open it. Full of dates and times meticulously recorded. She has entries of drop off dates, completed assignments. Pay dates, who owes her, how much. She has names and numbers of contacts. Mom was into some serious stuff. The phone ringing breaks me from my train of thought. I almost fall down the stairs rushing to it. I pick it up in a hurry. "Hello! Mom!" I yell into the phone.

"Hello is this Hope?" I hear a make on the other end speak softly.

"Yes it is, who is this?" I was hoping it was mom on the other end.

"This is Doctor Lee, your mom gave us your contact info, this is the second number we tried reaching you at." He is speaking too slow for me, I don't have time for this.

"How is she? Where is she? Please tell me she is ok?" I think the tears are going to fall again if he doesn't answer soon.

"You'r mother Hope is not so good. We put her in a induced an induced coma. We have her in ICU. As of right now her conditioned hasn't worsened but we will keep you updated, we will contact you when you can come visit her. I will give you a contact number if you want any updates." Everything he says next I don't comprehend I am in shock to hear my mom is unresponsive right now. I hang up on the doctor before he can give me anymore information. I sit down in the floor feeling like a helpless child. I fall asleep again but this time I crawled into her bed so I can smell her lavender shampoo on her pillows. I just lay there thinking about all the things she taught me, makeup, boys, real friends. To think of it she never trusted anyone, never had company over. I never met any of her work friends either. She was home when I got off the bus. Mom was always there.

Its midnight and I can't sleep so I climb back into the attic. I see everything still there waiting for me to figure out what mom wanted me to do. I continue looking through the little black book and on the last page she has written, "Hope if you see this burn everything take the 20,0000 and go to Brazil there you will find out our family history."

Now I am sitting in my attic burning the passports, id's anything that my mom kept hidden, so no one else would find her dirty secret. Now I just wait for that phone call, I am not leaving yet mom.

It has been a few days before I received the call for the clear to visit my mom. This was the hardest thing I have ever done, to talk to my mom and know she is fighting for her life.

"Hey Mom," I kiss her on the forehead slowly. I wish this stupid mask wasn't in between us. "You will get through this okay." I choke out. I grab her hand and squeeze it hard. "I am not leaving until you tell me what the hell that was all about in the attic. Listen I don't care if you were a drug lord, a hit man, or whatever I just want to hear it come from your mouth. Mom you are the strongest person I know, fight this." I whisper in her ear. I sit there as long as they let me and I say my goodbye. This isn't the goodbye I wanted but it will have to do.

I crawl back into her bed and fall asleep dreaming of my mom the double agent saving me from monsters, hoping to hear her voice once more.