Mom on Daughter: “She Can’t Date until 18; She’s Sneaking Behind My Back”

*This article is a work of nonfiction based on actual events recounted to me by a friend who witnessed them firsthand; it is used with permission

Having teenagers around the house is never easy for their parents, and relationships and dating are usually difficult topics, particularly if open talks don't happen that often.

Starting to date is like a transition as far as parents are concerned and slowly coming to terms while making sure their kids are seeing a person who really cares about them is a challenge.

My friend Olivia is going through this stage with her daughter, and she hasn't taken the open route. Instead, she decided to focus on postponing the stressful stage for a few years longer. She doesn't allow her daughter Sandra to go on any dates until she turns 18.

Unfortunately, she's not sure that Sandra is actually sticking to the rule.

Several acquaintances told her they saw the girl with a boy, either shopping or having coffee. Olivia is getting suspicious because the description is like none of Olivia's friends, at least no one she's brought home before.

"She can't date until 18; she's sneaking behind my back, though. If it's just a friend, I can't tell, but I will confront her if it keeps happening," Olivia said.

She's worried about what other people who know them might think, so she keeps pretending she knows all about it whenever someone tells her about Sandra.

"It would look bad if I said I had no clue. But I'm going to get to the bottom of this. And if it's dating for real, she's got to end it. And fast. 18 is the limit, and there's no compromise on that," Olivia added.

Sandra doesn't seem happy about the rule either, more so because she sees all her friends going out with someone on the weekends.

"It's not like I want to get married and have kids. I'm just in high school. I want to figure out what I want in life before having a family. But it would be fun to go out, laugh, hold hands, and see someone bring me flowers," Sandra said.

It will be two more years until her mother's rule is lifted, so things look complicated for now.

The teen is not hopeful about confiding in her mom either.

"What would be the point of me telling her anything even if I did meet someone? She told me so many times it would just have to end, and basing that only on age is unfair," she said.

In the meantime, Sandra and Olivia go to see movies together; they love to spend time at the salon and often work on handmade decorations to make their house look nice. They're comfortable with each other as long as dating doesn't come into any discussion.

"It will happen sooner or later. And I'm worried about how she'll take it," Sandra added, not knowing what to expect during the next two years.

What would you do? Do you think it's ok for teens to date before the age of 18? Is there a specific age when it's ok, or is it more about open communication with their parents? Is it better to be flexible than to encourage kids ot find ways to do what thye want without their parentis knowing anything about what's going on? Which solution is the most risky? Forbidding something or allowing it under your supervision?

Originally published on NewsBreak

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