Mamma Mia!

My Italian mother finally made it to Italy.

After 100 Italian Wedding soups, 60 conversations about the family winery on the bottom of the boot, and a million spaghetti dinners, my 70 year mother finally made it to the motherland... and it was a disaster.

A little background, my mom is part of a choir in Oregon and I've been invited to sing with them a couple of times because they tend to need more sopranos. In 2022, I got to sing at Carnegie Hall with the choir and it was an incredible experience, however my mom is a little skittish when it comes to traveling to a new place, especially without my dad as her safety blanket. So much so that when I went to visit a friend that lived on the Upper West Side, we walked the entire way because my mom was scared of the subway. Understandably the subway can be overwhelming for first timers, but luckily right before we started to head back to the hotel... it started to rain. She had no choice, but to join the underground and head back. Spoiler: she made it back in one piece.

So, in 2023, when I got a phone call from her that went a little something like this, I had to take a second to contemplate my choices:

Mom: "DO YOU WANNA GO TO ITALY?"

Me: "What do you mean?"

Mom: "We'll sing at the VATICAN!"

Me: *quickly thinks about traveling with mom again* "ITALY?! I'm in!"

Hard to pass up a trip to Italy and singing at the Vatican, regardless of the travel companion(s). And yes, by the end it was more than just my mother as a travel companion.

Now, I need to note for anyone reading before I started sounding like I'm talking bad about my mom - she's one of my best friends. She's the most gullible, loveable, sometimes comedic, little "italian" lady that I know... and she just needs to leave Oregon... or her house, more often than she does.

Let's flash forward to two months before we left for Italy: April 2024. I get a call from her FREAKING out because one of the other ladies in the choir sent out a "need to know". Things that informed her what kind of bags to wear to avoid theft and where to sign up for self-defense classes because "you'll need them." Honestly, I would have gone into a panic state too if hadn't traveled and someone sent me an email with a "scary" need to know brochere. But also, to the lady that shared with my mother, and other older women, please know your audience next time.

I quickly reassured her that I had a cross body bag for her and that as long as you're aware of your surroundings - you'll be perfectly safe. Plus, you're traveling in a very large group, pretty hard to beat us all up at once.

With all of this information rolling around in your head, I'm going to give you tips to traveling with a parent, while I tell you stories about this specific trip, because I promise you: it's a doozy.

Get a Phone Plan for Travel & Teach Them How to Use What's App

This is the most important piece of advice I can give for travelling abroad with a parent. When you can only use WiFi, and you lose your parent in the middle of the Colosseum, you'll wish you had it. You'll also thank your lucky stars you're on a guided tour and your parent has a headpiece in to find her way back.

You'll lose them, and panic. You'll also want to spend a second (or a day) alone and they'll have every one in the choir text you to make sure you're alive... for two hours straight. The time difference didn't help the wifi/no wifi confusion on Mom's end.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was keeping a log of little things that she would say, do, and ask. By the end of the trip, my list was 27 things long. For example:

21. Did not understand the time zone difference and would ask me every time she wanted to text my dad what time it was in Oregon, and then get confused and mad when it was 2am and she couldn't.

8. Everytime she opened an app, she asked if it was Wifi or Cellular Data. We were sitting in the hotel lobby and I explained to her for the 16th time that in hotels we have wifi.

1. Doesn't and will never understand airplane mode. Asked if she could use a hotspot instead on an airplane. 2 points for knowing she has a hotspot.

14. Opened WhatsApp and sees a text that SHE sent and said "who sent this?" I responded with "uh, you?" She asked, "well how do you know?"

Plan. Out. Everything.

We were incredibly lucky that since we were traveling with a group, mainly because our tours were planned for us. All we had to plan (when not on a tour) was where to eat and one day of free time day. As a child of a very Type A parent that is a little older, they tend to forget what's next or get extra stressed when you just walk until you find a restaurant you like. Plan everything. I mean everything. Schedule in your downtime and give yourself some options. With this, I also implore you to schedule time for yourself, and let your parent or travel companion be aware of this scheduled time in advance.

After we performed at the Vatican, they told us they would that we would have free time apart from one last performance with a local Italian choir. After spending 98% of my time with other people, I knew that a solo day was necessary. Your parent though? May not feel the same way. The listicle continues:

22. Woke up at 3 am to her crying thinking that if I went off by myself for two hours, the entire plot of Taken would occur and she nor my dad have Liam Neeson’s background.

Give them Culture Basics

As an Italian woman, and a proud one at that, my mom didn't have the tools that she needed going into Italy. Make sure to teach, or gently remind them, of the basics they'll need. How to say hello, she got that one. How to say thank you? Spanish, every time. Our very Italian cab driver had a good laugh at "Gracias!" in the most American way possible... and so did I.

Very early on in the trip, was the coast - Amalfi, Positano, and Sorrento. We spent the first day in Amalfi and we checked off a lot:

18. She had her first Aperol Spritz and got blitzed pretty quickly.

24. She bought her first item and figured out the difference of Euros VS Dollars. Did not buy much more without my help.

3. She learned the difference between still and sparkling water (Our waiter was a gem and gave it to her in simple terms: bubbles or no bubbles?)

4. “What’s a cello? Someone asked me to bring it back for them.” We spent 10 minutes going back and forth before I realized it was limoncello, not the musical instrument.

Shop Together

This all depends on the parent. Some parents come back from a trip or wake up on Christmas morning having thrown away receipts, because they’re so confident in their gifts. My mom is absolutely a “sentimental” gift giver. We’ve only ever had beagles growing up, and she loves getting gifts around that theme. It’s adorable - and excessive.

When you have a parents like this, keep an eye on them while they’re getting trinkets for people back home. Number 22 speaks volumes to this and also brings me to Number 13:

13. Almost bought a penis shaped limoncello bottle to bring home to her friends. Couldn’t tell what was wrong with it until I pointed out the balls and how veiny it was.

27. Bought 20 postcards to send back, but couldn’t find stamps to save her life.

With all this in mind, I want to bring you back to what got me through the entire trip. Every single day, every naive-goofy comment, every part of being abroad with a parent.

“It’s their first time living too.” Sometimes I forget that they are figuring out life the same way I am, just with a couple more years under their belt.

My mom will be 72 this year and I’ll tell you, I’m so glad I got to experience the childlike shine in her eyes the first time she got to walk the streets that her great grandparents told her all about.

Was it an easy trip? Absolutely not. Was it worth it? A million and one percent.