Mama I’m Depressed!

ATTENTION!!!! All Black parents, guardians, and households, check on your Black child(ren).

The topic of suicide, self harm, and mental health are taboo in the Black community. When the conversation is brought up you can feel the atmosphere shift, and people become uncomfortable. Black children don’t even think about opening up to their parents because they are hit with responses such as:

* “Give it to God.”

* “You are too blessed to be stressed.”

* “Depressed.......you don’t have anything to be depressed about.”

* “You don’t have any bills to pay, nor a job to work.”

* “You don’t know what depression is.”

The list goes on, and on.

I was raised in a Black household, and I never knew what depression was growing up because it was never talked about. I knew that I was experiencing feelings of sadness, and loneliness while I was in middle school. As a child you think that it’s normal because everyone is sad sometimes. Then things got a little bit more intense in high school, things got dark, but of course I wouldn’t say anything. Instead I would suffer in silence, I put my earphones in, and avoided everyone. I would find ways to cope instead of talking about how I felt, and what I was going through. I kept everything inside.....for far too long. I would sit by myself in the library avoiding everyone, I would walk the track, or sit on the bleachers as the sun would rise. I tried my best to keep everything together, keep myself from falling apart at the seams.

Then one day, things just.....seemed like too much. Dealing with hurt, self hate, feeling like I wasn’t good enough. At first I was cracking, then I was breaking, and then suddenly I snapped. I hurt myself. I felt like I deserved it, I thought if I couldn’t hurt anyone, I’d just hurt myself. It should have never gotten that far, I should have said something. I just didn’t know who to go to, I didn’t think my parents would understand how to deal with what I was going through, or provide the comfort that I needed.

Black children, are expected to deal with everything that is thrown at them, no questions asked. The problem is, they are not taught how to deal with curtain situations, and emotions. They are not given outlets to express how they truly feel without fear of being ignored, or ridiculed. Their parents don’t show themselves as open minded, or open hearted. So if they are hurting, who can they go to? Where is their safe space if not at home?

Parents keep in mind that your child has a life of their own, and are experiencing things every single day. New emotions, and thoughts, that can be confusing, and hard to understand, and translate. It doesn’t matter if your child is in kindergarten, high school, or in college. They are still growing, and maneuvering, and adjusting to this crazy thing called life, and it’s hard. When things get hard they get scared, terrified even. So check on them, I mean really check on them. I’m not talking about asking them how their grades are. Have a heart to heart with your child, nine times out of ten, they really want you to, they need you to. Don’t be naive, and think just because they are telling you that everything is okay, everything is not okay sometimes.

This life is stressful for Black children, dealing with racism, we have our babies marching in the streets along side their parents, and or friends. Fighting, and taking a stand against the injustice, and murders of their people. Having to explain, and educate people who refuse to understand that Black people deserve basic rights. Being kicked out of schools for wearing their natural hair, braids, locs and wraps. Judged for how they talk, made fun of, told they aren’t worth it. Black children can’t walk the streets without being profiled, playing in their own front lawns, being called criminals. They know what’s going on, they just don’t know why. That is the most frustrating thing, not knowing the cause of people’s hatred, and prejudice. That takes energy, it’s mind boggling.

It’s worse for Black L.G.B.T.Q kids, teens, and young adults. Y’all don’t wanna talk about that though, right?

Let’s be real, please. They are beaten, abused, kicked out of their homes, disowned by their mothers, and fathers, their entire families. Forced to live on the streets where anything could happen to them, having to find surrogate families, finding hauses where they are safe to be themselves. All because you can’t agree with their “alternative lifestyle.” Being gay, lesbian, bisexual transgender, and queer, is not an alternative lifestyle........IT’S WHO THEY ARE! Do you understand how damaging it is for your parents that brought you into this life, raised you, and cared for you, to suddenly stop loving you? Being beaten, told they are going to burn in hell, and in some cases sexually abused, but y’all aren’t ready for that conversation either. No one should ever have to tell you to love your children no matter who they are, not even me. Open your heart, and your mind, and talk to your babies.

You should always be the very first person your child comes to. Be open, and ready to listen, educate yourself. Your child can be on the verge of a breakdown, and you wouldn’t know it because you think they don’t have anything to worry about. Get involved, be proactive, not reactive.

Warning signs to look out for:

* Always in their rooms.

* Doesn’t want to mingle, or interact.

* Check out their music sometimes (don’t invade their privacy, and you know what I mean).

* If your child is a freshman, and under check their backpacks. (My mama used to do it to me, and my siblings, OCCASIONALLY.)

* If it’s summer, and they are wearing nothing, but long sleeves, check their arms for cuts, bruises or burns.

* If you know you’re child has previously self harmed, do full body checks. (Just don’t treat them like a prisoner.)

* Check patterns in their behavior (you should know what you’re child usually acts like.)

Things you can do as their parent:

* Ask them how they are doing, and listen.

* Be interactive, as well as proactive in your child’s life.

* Take self care days (school, and classes are ridiculously hard, one day missed won’t hurt them).

* Get to know them, don’t be a stranger.

* Ask them, or suggest therapy.

* Buy them a diary.

* Help them find an outlet (doesn’t have to be sports related).

Finally, check YOUR habits, that means the way you speak, and treat your children can be problematic. They know you are doing the best you can, but sometimes your version of best isn’t what those babies need. If you’re upset from work, having money troubles, relationship/marriage problems, your stressed, don’t take your frustration out on them. You don’t have to blow up on them, just because the trash wasn’t taken out, or if there is a spoon in the sink. If you’re upset about something, go into a separate room, and cool off. You’re children are not your diaries, they are not your punching bags, if think they are, seek therapy.