Mama

Tuesday, March 15 1994, is when it all began. I was getting ready to make my debut into the world. For nine months you embraced me as I invaded your belly for my growth. You sacrificed your twenty-one year old figure, in the prime of your life to be a source of nutrition, protection, and warmth for me. Without you and that nine month process we endured together, being literally attached by a cord I would not have survived. Twenty-seven years later you successfully brought in four more baby boys. I speak for all my brothers when I say this, without you we would not be here. Thank you!

I was an inquisitive child growing up questioning and challenging anything that came across my path. Not to be rebellious but it was the way I learned about the world. One of the ideas I began to question early in my childhood was the concept of love. I am fortunate to have a family that openly expresses love to one another. But it was something in my nature that made me want to explore the dynamics of love further. Early I could feel my expressions of love towards my siblings, father, and mother were completely different but still radiated high. I genuinely felt like there were tiers, a hierarchy of some sort to love. However, it felt balance which really had me confused. The question that kept pulsing in my young mind was, is it okay to love one parent more than the other?

During one of our car rides after a workout I remember asking my father, "Dad, do people have different love for their parents?" He look at me and simply said “yes, it was perfectly fine to do that.” I looked at him shocked and confused, although I believed my father, it still felt funny. Then I specified the question further, "is it okay if I feel like I love mommy a little more or differently than I love you?" To put this into perspective let me explain how much I love my father, simply put I truly love my father to death. There could never be another man greater than him. He has always been present when I needed him to be and to this very day if I called on him I know he'd be there. That is what made this whole concept of love hard to understand. If I could love my father that much imagine the kind of love I have for my mother. Yet to my surprise, my father answered the question the same "yes".

I sat there for a second and pondered on why it is that the love I have for my mother runs so deep in my veins. It was this one message that my father relayed to me that he got from the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) he said "according to the prophet your mother deserves your good treatment and love three times more than your next nearest relative." As a kid I thought I understood the meaning behind the statement. Through my young eyes my mother was able to do everything and make anything happen. As my scope of the world began to expand with age, wisdom, and experience the statement became even deeper. I began to see just how extraordinary my mother was at being a mother.

I saw my mother as a superhuman who could fix any problem and do no wrong as a kid. When I became an adult I started to see my mother's humanity and that made her motherhood that more special. Learning of my mothers mistakes and knowing the battles she faced while raising me exposed me to a greater understanding of what being a mother meant to my mom. Watching my mother choose everyday to be the best mother she could be regardless of the obstacles she faced instilled lessons in me that has helped me navigate every aspect of life.

SACRIFICE

When a woman becomes a mother, she often gives up her life to be the best mother she could possibly be. At a young age, still a college student my mother brought me into this world. From my birth to this very day she made the decision that she would sacrifice her own dreams so that I could live mine, as if sharing her body with me for nine months wasn't already enough of a sacrifice. She dedicated countless hours to being the best mother she could be. She gave up school, youth, and dreams to tend to my needs as a child and continues to do so in my adulthood. My mother sacrificed everything for me, to provide all that she can.

Giving up dreams and delaying life goals for your children is what makes motherhood so special. Becoming a mother is so multi-faceted in ways that I truly just became aware of as an adult. All the things that I mentioned before about my mothers sacrifices already made her a remarkable woman in my eyes, but what makes her my hero is that she did it in pain and never complained.

MOTIVATION

When my mother was a young girl she was diagnosed with scoliosis. It is a common condition that affects the curvature of your back. In the late 70's, early 80's the medical treatment to cure this at the time was to screw a metal rod in your back to help. Unfortunately my mothers spine would fuse to the rod throughout time causing severe back complications. My mother has lived with this rod in her back for decades and overtime it has become her worst nightmare. It has affected her mobility from walking to running, from sitting to standing. Everyday my mother is in pain but she still manages to be there for me, my four brothers, and her husband, just as any superwoman would be. The show never stops for her, it continues on regardless of the pain.

It was no easy task being my mother especially with her condition. The amount of miles I put on my parents is equivalent to a 1999 Honda civic on the road today. I played two sports, basketball and football. When football season was over, I went right into basketball. Not only was I playing but my brothers were too. It was non stop for almost twenty years, from pop warner all the way through to the pros, my mother was with me every step of the way in pain and never complained.

Knowing what she was going through, I used it as motivation to keep going when I felt like I couldn't go anymore. I knew that if I could reach the levels of success that she knew I could reach that would make her proud. Putting a smile on her face is something I genuinely loved. My first college football game was against Notre Dame and my family drove 16 hours to South Ben, Indiana to see me play. At this time my mother was forty years old with a high risk pregnancy, with my fourth brother, while still dealing with the nagging pain of scoliosis but she made it there. She would do trips like this throughout my collegiate career because that's who she was. She was there for me and in return I would always be there for her.

Strength is heavily talked about in relation to muscles or in some other athletic capacity. But my mother showed me the most important type of strength, mental strength. She exemplified mental strength daily not only in her familial roles, but as an African American woman in society. She posses the mental strength to push through pain even though the pain is literally making her feel handicap. Most importantly she has the strength to put others above her because they need her more than she could ever know. She is the reason why I try to put things into perspective about what truly matters. Above all things in this world what mattered to her most was being the best mother Allah made her to be. I will most definitely say she was made from among the best.

Along with her mental toughness my mother is not one to quit. After giving birth to her 5th boy at forty-one years old she ran in her first ever 10 mile run. Prior to the race and her last pregnancy, my mother wanted to lose weight and reclaim a glimpse of her younger self, she began to workout with my father. I must say she was on her way too but things clearly happen in your parents bedroom, and she became pregnant. After the pregnancy my mother made a commitment to herself to still complete what she had set out do and compete in the race. Coming off a high risk pregnancy and still dealing with chronic scoliosis at forty-one, she managed to get the job done as she always does. This time it was for herself. In a home full of state champions and collegiate all americans my mother out shined us all. That moment will live for me forever because it set the standard for me to understand, mental toughness, resilience, and heart. My mother has been displaying all three elements from the moment we have met.

LOVE

This the hardest topic to write about when it comes to my mother because there aren't words that can describe a mothers love. It's an experience that takes place, as the child you know there isn't any thing like it. When I started to understand what it took to be a mother, I equated everything my mother did for me as love. My goal as the child is to try to reciprocate the love back. But how do you do that? How do you match the sacrifices a mothers makes, the discipline to be present, and the drive to want to be the best mother she could be?

The only way that I could reciprocate the love my mother gave me is by being the absolute best son I could be. At the age of 14 I was sent to boarding school in Avon, Connecticut. This place was literally in the middle of the woods and looked like a scene from Harry Potter. For the first time ever I was going to be on my own, away from my family, away from my mother. But going away to that school created my favorite habit. I called my mother every single day from the moment she dropped me off until this present day. Since the age of 14 there hasn't been a day where I haven't called my mother. Sometimes I call for a reason and other times I call for no reason at all, outside of the fact that I just want to hear her voice. I could never do everything my mother has done for me but I can do the small things that matter.

My mother is a monumental figure in my life, who has shaped me through her actions. Her love sculpted my understanding of compassion and care. Her sacrifices taught me the importance of prioritization. Her motivation to remain mentally tough for herself and others, despite her internal physical battle, I admire. She made motherhood look easy, although I knew for a fact it was not. All the roses in the world go to you Ma. A phenomenal woman in every sense of the word.

In the word of The Inturders, “I’ll always love my mama, she’s my favorite girl( you only get one, you only get one) I’ll always love my mama, she brought me in this world”

The moment all the sacrifices and hardwork came to light, a moment when I finally was able to exhale and inhale new air, a moment when I could hold my mother and say WE made it.