Loving him

Do honestly know what true love feeling like? I love Shawn but nothing could compare to the feeling when I heal my baby boy for the first time.

Nicholas was born on August 19. His hands so small and his feet. He weights 8 and 9 and was 21 inches long. I never saw something more perfect as they put him in my arms.

I only got to hold him for a second before they took him out of my arms. The fear I had then wasn't like any fear I ever had before. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why they took my baby away.

I kept asking the nurse why they took my baby away. I ask my mom, my husband. No one would give me an answer so, my fear shot out the roof. I yell "I ask you all again where is my baby." My mom looks at me and tells me to calm down.

I didn't want to say what I was thinking. I have always been a very outspoken person so, this is what I wanted to say when you tell me where my child Is. I will think about clam down but, instead, I said mom where Nickolas? I don't understand why no one will tell me where my son was.

Where I was a new mom they were afraid I would go into shock. My son had to stop breathing and was sent to the unit. My mom was the one that broke the news. At that moment all I could think about was my son. All I wanted was to be with a son. All I wanted was so know he was alright.

The nurse finally came in a told me. That Nickloas would have to say in neonatal unit overnight. She explains everything that my mom had told me a couple of hours before. I replyed can I see him. She replies yes, once you can feel movement in your feet and legs.

I had an Epidural which is a pain remover so, you won't feel anything but, I feel everything. It ends up numbing my leg and I feel Nickolas come out of my body. It was so painful but, what I got out of it was so worth it.

I hit the floor because I couldn't feel my legs. The nurse came in and told me I had to stay in bed. Untell I could feel movement in my legs. The feeling I had lying there in the bed was overwhelmed. It was like someone had ripped my heart out. To the floor, I hit again. Again the nurse comes in a reply Mrs.Coleman or Mrs. Swiney whichever you rather be called stay in bed. I replied I can't all I can think about is my son. I wanna know he's okay. she replied I take you in a wheelchair and you can see your son.

The fear I had wondered if he was okay. I Was freaking me out. I wonder If he was breathing okay. Wondering if he makes it through the night? Did he know who I was could he tell I was his mommy? So many thought running through my mind.

As I enter the My fear was overwhelmed that I was shaking but, I was excited to see my son.

Do you honestly know what true love feeling like? I love Shawn my husband but, nothing could compare to the feeling when I heald my baby boy for the first time.

Nicholas was born on August 19. His hands so small and his feet. He weights 8 and 9 and was 21 inches long. I never saw something more perfect as they put him in my arms.

I only got to hold him for a second before they took him out of my arms. The fear I had then wasn't like any fear I ever had before. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why they took my baby away.

I kept asking the nurse why they took my baby away. I ask my mom, my husband. No one would give me an answer so, my fear shot out the roof. I yell "I ask you all again where is my baby." My mom looks at me and says Nikkie Lynn clam down. She only uses my middle name. When I was in trouble or doing something wrong but, in this case, I didn't care what she calls me. I wanted to know where my son was.

I didn't want to say what I was thinking. I have always been a very outspoken person so, this is what I wanted to say when you tell me where my child Is. I will think about clam down but, instead, I said mom where Nickolas? I don't understand why you all won't tell me where he Is. As tears fell down my face.Not knowing and no one telling me. My fear only got worst.

Where I was a new mom they were afraid I would go into shock. My son had to stop breathing and was sent to the neonatal unit. My mom was the one that broke the news. At that moment all I could think about was my son. Over all-knowing a tiny baby stop breathing. Broke my heart but this wasn't any baby this baby was my baby.

The nurse finally came in a told me. That Nickolas would have to stay in the neonatal unit overnight. She explains everything that my mom had told me a couple of hours before. She said if Nickolas was breathing ok in the morning. They would take him out of the neonatal unit and place him in the nursery. I replyed can I see him. She replies yes, once you can feel movement in your feet and legs.

I had an Epidural which is a pain remover so, you won't feel anything during labor but, I feel everything. It ends up numbing my leg and I feel Nickolas come out of my body. It was so painful but, what I got out of it was so worth it.

The feeling I had sat there on the bed was completely overwhelmed tried to get out of the hospital bed. To the floor I hit. The nurse comes in and told me to stay in bed Untell I could feel movement in my legs.i wait until she left the room and To the floor, I hit again. Again the nurse comes in a reply Mrs.Coleman or Mrs. Swiney whichever you rather be called stay in bed. I replied I can't all I can think about is my son. I wanna know he's okay. she replied me

take you in a wheelchair and you can see your son.

The fear I had wondered if he was okay. I Was freaking me out. I wonder If he was breathing okay. Wondering if he makes it through the night? Did he know who I was could he tell I was his mommy? So many thought running through my mind.

As I enter the My fear was overwhelmed that I was shaking but, I was excited to see my son.

He was as perfect as I left him. I was so scared to put him in my arms but so relieved that he was ok.

The next day he was transferred out of the neonatal unit. He was doing well and breathing on his own. Now, I couldn't wait to take him home