Lost

Loss of a loved one is a curious thing; for so many people, the end of that person’s life means they will never see them again. Many religious people believe they will see their loved ones again, but when the actual moments of passing happen, it is the time when they are simultaneously most sure, and most unsure. They are sure because they hope with all hope that they will be able to see their loved one again, and yet the sting of loss can cause even the most devout to wonder even a little.

The proximity of the loved one can vary one’s reaction, but two things nearly always occur after the passing of that loved one: first, you feel the sting of their loss, followed by either joy for the end of their suffering, shock at the suddenness of their death, sorrow for their end in mortal existence, or most often, a combination of all of the above.

Second, you start to think, and thinking starts with a bombardment of what-ifs; what if that was my mother or father? What if it was my spouse or my sibling? What if it was a friend or other romantic partner? What if I didn’t have the warning that I did? What if their death was more sudden? What if it was me? After the what-ifs come the who’s and how’s; who was there when it happened? How will their spouse cope? Who will be my next loved one to go? How did this happen?

These questions lead so many to various states of grief, anger, or sorrow, but eventually, nearly everyone reaches acceptance. As Lemony Snickett once said, “the sad truth is that the truth is sad.” But once we’ve accepted this as a universal truth, we can move on with our lives and start to celebrate theirs. We can remember how kind or loving or charitable that person was. We can remember them as a child, just as young and foolish as we were as children. We can celebrate that they were human and made human mistakes. We can celebrate their achievements and their mishaps. We can celebrate the lives they’ve created, the ones they’ve touched, and the fact that they are indeed remembered.

This celebration of life is then followed by a point of introspection and reflection for everyone daring enough to do so. We examine their life and how it has shaped and molded the lives of others. Those who are unafraid of a little vulnerability and brave enough to see their own weaknesses then compare some of their loved one's most caring acts and greatest strengths with the weaknesses they feel are evident in themselves. It's at this point where we can internalize the things they've taught us, and the things we've failed to learn and recommit ourselves to living the way they would have wanted us to live, or doing the thing they would want us to do. In this way, their knowledge and energy are dispelled into every person that was blessed enough to learn something from our loved one, and their legacy lives on. Not only does it live on, but it can be passed on by teaching those same things to our children, our neighbors, our friends. And as their legacy lives on, so do they.

So whether or not we are ready to say goodbye, we can do so knowing that whether it’s in the spiritual realm, or whenever we remember the way they would laugh, or even in the way we live our lives due to their influence, we are never really separated from those who we love.