Living Apart From Your Family

My family moved out of the country in 2013. I chose to stay behind with my now–husband because I knew I would never see him again if I had gone with my parents. It was the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make, but I think it was the right one for me. We are a close family, which made it even more difficult, and the plan was to meet them in the new country after a few years. This is still the plan, but “We’ll meet you there in four or five years” turned into “We’ll meet you there in about ten to twelve years after you left because life kinda sucks and moving is expensive”.

I said personal growth in the title, but the title is a lie. I also said financial isolation, which is partly a lie. Let me explain. Personal growth is complicated. There are thousands of self-help books and websites out there to improve your personal standing with yourself and others, let alone the self-help books that focus on financial advice. However, personal growth isn’t a one-size-fits-all journey, and it definitely can’t be gleaned from 500-word articles that started with a lie in the title. The truth is: Living apart from my family didn’t help my personal growth or allow me to become a jet setter on the way to financial freedom. This experience has taught me that personal growth and financial freedom need to start way before you use these words as buzzwords. There are certain actions and behaviors we can adopt to facilitate our personal growth and financial freedom, but these two can’t be seen in isolation.

On my way to grow as a person, I have found the following helps a lot:

Stop caring what others think of your personality or quirkiness. People are different and we compare as a form of survival, but outside of what your boss and partner think of you, the opinions of others don’t really matter.

Focus on the important things in life. These include safe and fulfilling relationships, your hobbies, and your friends and family. Do we really need the latest gadget or phone? What can we spend our time on outside, slaving away to afford the latest tech, only for a new edition to come out next month?

Understand that there isn’t a fix-all cure for our problems, both personal and financial. Solid solutions take time and quick fixes don’t last long. They just put a Band-Aid on a gaping wound. It might look better, but taking the time to address the wound/our issues will help us keep these problems at bay.

Not everyone will think you’re great, and that’s OK. You might have the best intentions and the kindest heart, but people who only focus on the negative won’t think anything other than what they have trained themselves to think: Poorly of people who are different from them. We can’t change people’s minds about who we are. We can just do our best not to be a terrible, person and that should be enough.

Pay attention to who messages in the morning or during the day. I get it, people are busy. I’ve been that busy: Too busy to do anything other than work to keep a deadline and then take a five-minute shower, only to get back to work and order takeout because every minute counts. The thing is, every minute does count, but it takes 10 seconds to type “Hi, I’m thinking about you.” or “Good morning, I hope you have a great day.”

As for financial freedom, I’m not a financial advisor, but these points have helped my husband and I keep out of debt (for the most part):

If you can’t pay for it in 24 hours, you can’t afford it. I get it, cars and houses/apartments are expensive and most people can’t just buy a car or house in 24 hours, but aside from these exceptions, if you don’t have the money, you don’t have the money. My husband and I live very frugally, and although that can be a pain sometimes, we don’t have looming credit card debt or debt collectors harassing us for unpaid bills.

If you have to go into debt, make it a priority to repay that debt before anything else. Debt is sometimes necessary if you aren’t in the top 1%, and even if we’re just a little lower than that. Life happens, emergency funds can run dry, and freak accidents can be a case of life or death for yourself and your pets. It’s important to remember that any money you borrow (from the bank or a very nice friend or family member) isn’t ours to begin with and to avoid stealing from the bank, friends and family, etc., we have to repay this debt before spending money on large purchases to improve our quality of life.

Stay away from “Get now, pay later” deals at stores. This might seem like a good way to buy your groceries or pay for gifts (particularly now with the festive season looming), but before you know it, you’ll need a new wallet for these cards while your original wallet shrinks and scowls at you. It’s easy to get a new card that says “Buy now, pay on the 5th of every month,” but when you have ten of these cards because they were more convenient at the time, you’ll be paying on the 5th, 6th, 7th, and so on, rendering the card of convenience useless.

Don’t be fooled by brand marketing. For the most part, the store or generic brand is just as good. The only difference is that the name brands paid more for their stock, which means you, as the consumer, will have to pay more. There are some exceptions, naturally, but the point is this: Don’t be fooled by a top brand with a well-marketed campaign. Sometimes the letters on the packaging are the only difference, and your wallet will notice before you do.

Don’t freak out if you don’t have an emergency fund. The concept of an emergency fund isn’t new, but I find it’s being pushed on people more now than it was in the past. In theory, an emergency fund makes sense. Most of us can’t afford to pay for immediate repairs on our chest freezer or car, let alone an actual emergency of a family member or beloved pet, and an emergency fund will give us peace of mind. The problem is that one emergency could cost double what we might have in our fund, or couples who want an emergency fund might argue how much to put in, or if they should put anything in at all if they don’t have extra cash lying around. Emergency funds can help in times of crisis, but if you need to put yourself in financial ruin to add to your emergency fund, maybe leave it until you can afford the few extra bills at the end of the month.

So, this post had very little to do with the title, but most things are unplanned, and that’s OK. Moving away from what is expected can sometimes make the difference between a good and great life, whether we move to another country and receive financial freedom tomorrow or in a few years.