Live Another Day

Prologue

It had been 95 days since I had seen Sunny’s face.

95 days since she breezed into the kitchen to grab a granola bar, leaving the wrapper on the counter.

95 days since I called her back to pick up after herself.

95 days since she said something sarcastic to me as she ran in to clean up her mess and give me a kiss on the lips on the way out.

It didn’t matter that she was 15, she still kissed me on the lips. Some people may think it is weird, but not me. I still reveled in our closeness.

Still? Can I even use that term anymore?

It had been 95 days since she’d kissed me.

I walked into the dining room, which had become a command center of sorts. The large table that used to be polished and ready for family meals was now covered in papers. Text message threads were printed out from the last people to text with Sunny. Maps of the area where she was last seen with her lifelong best friend, Haley Martin, littered the walls. Harsh scribbles in red permanent marker dotted every map. Triangles were drawn around Sam’s houses, and so many question marks.

Somewhere around the beginning of the girl’s freshman year we started noticing some changes in Haley. First, small things, like missing school. Then, she quit basketball and started running with a pretty rough crowd. Her downward spiral could be traced back to when she started seeing a boy named Sam. But, Sam was no boy, he was 20. Sunny told me many times that she was worried about her, and that she didn’t trust Sam. The last time I spoke to Sunny she said Haley asked her to meet, so they could talk. Sunny had hoped to help Haley make the break from Sam. But, questioning Haley gave no information, only more questions. Questions she had been unwilling to answer.

Haley said she left her at the mall, but why did we get reports of them walking out together?

Why did Sunny’s phone last ping close to Sam’s house?

What were Haley and Sam hiding?

My system probably looked like the work of a madman, but I knew what every mark meant. I knew because for 95 days this had been my life’s work. For the last 95 days this is what I lived for…to find my missing daughter and bring her home.

Part I

My feet pounded on the treadmill. I had set a brutal pace and my lungs burned as I pushed to finish the grueling workout. When the timer beeped, I grabbed the side rails and jumped onto the outside of the treadmill as I slowed the belt. My chest heaved and I grabbed my water bottle and chugged it as the machine whined to a stop. I grabbed my towel, mopped up the sweat as it dripped into my eyes, and headed to the bathroom.

I undressed quickly, not looking in the mirror, and jumped in the shower. I went through all the motions on autopilot. I dressed in leggings and a sweatshirt, pulled my long hair up in a ponytail and threw on socks and tennis shoes and made my way into the kitchen for my morning shake. I gulped it down without even tasting it. It didn’t matter if it tasted good. It, like the workout and the shower, were all a means to an end. I had to take care of myself so I could take care of Sunny.

In the days following Sunny’s disappearance I completely lost my shit. I would go days without sleeping, showering or eating. My husband lived in constant fear he was losing me along with the daughter we lost.

I remembered Todd coming into the dining room one morning.

His eyes were red from his own tears that he shed the night before. I was almost manic as I hurried over to him.

“You have to see what I found,” I said as I shoved papers at him.

He took the papers but his eyes never left my face.

“Anna, have you been up all night?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess,” I rattled. “But look at this. This diagnostic from AT&T shows that Sunny’s phones last known location was 100 feet from Sam’s house. Todd, don’t you see? Haley lied to us. She and Sam are hiding something. We have to go back and see Detective Williams. Right now!” My voice rose and ended almost at a scream.

His reluctance to immediately run out the door like I wanted to do was baffling and I felt the rage begin to well up inside me.

“Why are you just standing there, looking at me like that? We have to go, now.” I said.

“Ok…Anna we need to get dressed, you are still wearing your robe. Maybe you could eat something and take a shower,” he suggested gently.

“Eat? Shower?” I looked at him as if he has lost his damn mind.

“What. The. Fuck. Are you talking about, Todd? Our Sunny is out there. She’s out there and she is alone and she could be hurt and she NEEDS US,” I had him by the shirt and I was screaming like a wounded animal. And I was. In that moment, I was just a wounded mama that needed to find her baby.

Todd put his arms around me and I collapsed into him. “She needs me, she needs us.” I wailed as we sunk to the floor together. My face was pressed into his shirt as I sobbed.

“I know baby, I know. But I need you to look at me.” He said as he gently cupped my face and lifted my head so our eyes met.

“I cannot lose you too. Do you hear me?” Tears streamed down his cheeks as he held onto me.

“Anna, you can’t help her like this. Don’t you understand? You’re killing yourself.” He gave me a gentle shake.

I stilled immediately, realizing that he was right. I couldn’t save her like this.

He noticed my stillness and I could feel the fear coming off of him in waves. I’m sure he was wondering if I’d finally broken beyond repair.

I reached my hands up to mirror his and placed them on his stubbled cheeks and pressed my forehead to his.

In that moment it felt unbearable to live in a world that my daughter was not in. I refused to believe she was dead, but I knew she wasn’t in my world. These thoughts haunted my broken heart and crushed my spirit. I felt like I could not take one more day…not one more breath. But, as I sat there with my head pressed to his I made the decision. I wouldn’t give up, and I wouldn’t give in to the despair. I wouldn’t let them down, either of them. I wouldn’t let me down. In that moment I choose to live another day.

And I made us a promise.

“I won’t lose me,” I whispered.

The doorbell pulled me out of the memory. I opened the door only to find no one standing on the other side. But glancing down I noticed a little black book on the doormat. I reached down and picked it up and stepped onto the porch to look around.

“Haley?” I called out as I caught the figure of a slight girl hurrying away out of the corner of my eye.

She stopped at the end of the sidewalk and turned around. I was shocked at her appearance: she was bone- thin and her face looked distraught as mascara ran down her cheeks. The look on her face would forever by imprinted on my mind. Fear and sorrow: and something else. Guilt. She looked guilty.

“I’m so sorry,” she said hoarsely. Those were her last words before turning to leave. I watched her until she was gone then turned my attention to the book in my hand. I opened it, reading the first page and my world stopped.

Part 2

Detective Williams stood at my front door later that day looking harried.

“John, thank you for coming.” I said.

“Well, you said it was important, Anna.” He replied.

He followed me into the dining room. I cannot tell you the hours he spent in this very room with us as we combed through information. This case felt personal to him. Having a daughter Sunny’s age made this one hit close to home.

He gave Todd a nod as he made his way into the room. Even though the official police stance was that Sunny had run away, John didn’t believe that anymore than we did.

“Whatcha got?” He asked, never one to beat around the bush.

“This was left on my front porch this morning, by Haley Martin.” I said as I handed it over.

He took it carefully, probably thinking about fingerprints and gingerly opened the cover.

I watched him closely as he looked through the first page, and then the second and started furiously turning page after page. He stopped and looked up to meet our eyes.

“We got him, we fucking got him.” He said.

Part 3

Day 96 came with the phone call we had continually prayed for.

“Anna,” Detective Williams said “She’s alive. We’ve got her and she’s alive.”

My knees hit the carpet as I screamed Todd’s name. He rushed in and seeing my state and the phone on the floor assumed the worst. “No…” Todd breathed out as he shook his head.

“She’s alive,” I exhaled as the fear and sorrow of 96 days broke off me.

He grabbed the phone and barked a couple questions. The next 30 minutes were a blur as we drove to the hospital. We had no idea what we would find; we just knew she was alive and we would get through anything that came.

After a few days in the hospital she was sent home with a relatively clean bill of health: physically at least. The emotional trauma was another story.

Later that night, Sunny and I lay in her bed on our sides facing each other. I stroked her dark hair and stared at her beautiful face.

“Baby, do you want to talk about it?” I asked.

She looked at me for a long time as tears pooled in her eyes and ran over her nose.

“Mama, I was so scared.” she cried.

I pulled her to me, “I know baby, I know. We were so scared too.”

“There were times I just wanted to die, but I knew…” she paused. “I knew you and Daddy would never stop looking for me. On days I felt like I couldn’t go on…I just decided I would choose to live another day. That was all I could do.”

“That’s all we can ever do.” I murmured as I held her close.

Epilogue

Haley was found dead of suicide not long after Sunny was recovered. Apparently, the abuse she suffered herself and the part she played in Sunny’s abduction was more that she could take. The book she delivered, though, was full of names, dates, and amounts paid for the girls and boys that were trafficked. It was enough to put Sam, and many others, away for life. It also led to locating other missing children. A month later a check for $20,000 showed up at our house as a reward from a local family who also recovered their daughter from the same ring. My first reaction was to refuse it, but after talking with Sunny we decided to open a program for those affected by the sex traffic trade. Offering counseling for them and their families as a way to bring healing and help them integrate back into normal life. We just wanted to give them a chance to live another day, and to honor the over 400,000 that go missing every year in the United States.