Little Gestures

I know life made you overthink everything, and I know that you’ve lived in fear for your life at one point. Living through war, you’ve seen how cruel the world could get. You’ve seen how they’ve taken your father away from you. You saw how your Mom was on the floor wailing and begging them not to take him away. I couldn’t imagine being in that situation. Would I be comforting my Mom or my little siblings who were too young to understand what was happening?

What about you? Who was there for you Mom? Who held you at night while you were whimpering? You hid your tears when in front of your siblings to remind them to be strong. You didn’t want your family to worry about you because you felt that you needed to protect them as much as you can. Someone had to be strong for them.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry that this happened to you. I’m sorry that you had to struggle to make ends meet. I’m sorry you had to go through great loss and traumatic experiences as a child. No one deserves to go through this much pain at any point in their life. Listening to your experiences, I now understand why some people would say that life is not fair. I’ve learned that instead of telling people to think positively, I should just be there for them because most likely no one was. People just want someone to listen to them and comfort them instead of telling them that they should look at the positive side.

Being the oldest, you had to take care of your younger siblings while working at a young age to help your mother. At the same time, you excelled at school so that you can grow and get a good job to help your family. Because you wanted them to be happy.

You must have felt great responsibility, and I cannot begin to imagine the weight that you felt on your shoulders.

But that part is over now, Mom. What you’ve been through has made you stronger than you already were. I want you to enjoy and live life. I want to look at you and see you smile because you are genuinely happy, not because you feel that you have to smile. I don’t want to look at you and see sorrow in your eyes.

You’ve taught me to be strong, to never give up. You’ve taught me that to accomplish my dreams, I need to keep trying even if I fail. You’ve taught me that failing is a learning experience, that it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

I know that showing affection isn’t your strongest suit, but I always know and feel your love. I felt your love through the way you used to cover me at night so I wouldn't be cold. I feel your love through the delicious food you make and feed us. I know you don’t eat the last piece so one of us could have it, and if that’s not love, then I don't know what is. These are just a few of the many gestures you do to show your love to your family. You’ve taught me that love isn’t just words that you say, but can be gestures you do for others.

I wish you would stop overthinking everything. I know it’s hard, considering everything you’ve been through. I wish I could take some of the weight off your shoulders. I wish I could make you feel safe always like you make me feel.

Words can’t explain the respect I have for you. As well as the love I feel for you. I am very thankful that you are my mother.

I want you to remember that you are loved by all of us, always!