Life and beyond

From the very beginning, this life force inside of us so small and so fragile makes us often feel like a once crumpled piece of paper finally ready to write a story. A blank slate is presented, one so precious and unable to unfold on its own.

Our bodies create it, than hold it. We fear any little thing will stop this story from unfolding: If I am too stressed, if I don't eat the right way, if I put too much stress on my body what will happen?

So much tragedy has befallen so many parents with children whose stories ended too quickly. I'm sure many parents fail to complete those sentences left with the never ending dots. I can't imagine. As I become a vessel for life once more, I remember that I am a harbor, a safe haven from the world as it grows inside me. The things that I feel and imagine transfer to this beautiful little soul inside me that is growing everyday. I feel honored to be able to store such precious cargo, and do not take it for granted any day. I imagine this little beating heart can feel my pain in some way and their little limbs as they kick to reassure me that I am not alone are the one precious thing often that heals me.

Life, from the beginning is an all too dubious thing; we question it and we think "what waits from beyond this harbor, can I truly create the life they deserve?" especially in this world. The answer is that the beauty is in every kick, every rumble, every small sign that it is there. You do not need to question it, only embrace it, take as many opportunities to celebrate it as possible. It is all too fleeting and too delicate to have a missed chance of trying to understand it rather than just knowing it is there, it exists, it lives it breaths in such a beautiful, often incomprehensible way.

I cannot sit here and be the one to tell the story of a blank sheet of paper or a half written paragraph of a young child taken too soon. I know tragedy in my own way, I know the feeling of waking up with an overwhelming emptiness that makes you feel like you will never breathe on your own again. I know what it is like to be stripped of time, and the warmth and comfort of the closest person you love. It will never be the same as losing a child to small and innocent, nothing will ever bring them back; not the pain, the tears, the pictures, the images and movies in your mind. What will help them continue to live on is the love you bare through the aching scars and also the memories no one can take away, no one can burry those.

After the Texas shooting that has occurred, many families burry their children. To those grieving, know that their souls live on, know that they are not gone forever. They may no longer be on this earth but they are among us, begging us not to forget, to love each other as they had on earth without hate or prejudice; begging us to open our hearts as they had done in their short lives. There is a cruel punisher in this world who hurts the undeserving, but there is also an eternal justice that is beyond what we humans can often comprehend. There is a life beyond the darkness and the shadows, a peace beyond the land of the living; whatever you want to imagine that place to me. I imagine it as a place where children play and laugh, where they forget the horrors of this world and in the next they are our angels sending us signs that there is beauty beyond what we know here in this realm of mortality.