LESSONS TO THE BOY MUM

Motherhood is often described as one of life’s most sacred journeys, a beautiful experience that binds a woman’s heart and soul to the child she carries, nurtures, and raises. From the moment a woman becomes a mother, a unique bond forms, one that is both emotionally and physically intense. The child becomes the center of her world—her source of joy, love, and purpose. However, amidst the beauty of this connection, there exists a quiet danger that many overlook, one that can go unnoticed until it is too late.

Before becoming a mother, a woman was first a wife. The affection, emotional energy, and time that were once dedicated to her husband often begin to shift toward the child. The sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, early morning school runs, and the constant care and attention required by a child inevitably consume much of her focus. Over time, it becomes easy for a mother to place the child at the center of her universe, pushing her marriage and relationship with her spouse to the periphery.

While it’s crucial for a mother to love and care for her child, it’s equally important to remember that marriage is the foundation of the home, not motherhood. A child, though a blessing, is not the base upon which everything else should be built. Marriage is the cornerstone of a family—when the foundation of the marriage weakens or becomes neglected, it starts to affect every other aspect of the home. The emotional and relational bond between a husband and wife is the root of stability, trust, and love in the family. When that bond weakens, the structure of the entire family begins to tremble.

The Bible provides clear guidance on the roles of parents and spouses within the family. It instructs fathers and mothers to nurture and train their children, but it also emphasizes the importance of love and devotion between husband and wife. Ephesians 5:25, for example, encourages husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. In this, we see the order and importance of marital love as the first love that shapes the family dynamic. A marriage built on love, trust, and mutual respect provides a secure environment for children to grow and thrive.

However, in today’s world, many mothers find themselves emotionally relying on their children—particularly their sons—for validation, emotional connection, and even companionship. It’s natural for children to care for their parents as they grow older, but no mother should replace the love and support that should be reserved for her husband with emotional dependence on her child. It is important to recognize that a child, especially a son, is not meant to fill the role of a spouse or act as a source of emotional fulfillment in the way a husband does.

When sons grow up, mature, and get married, their priorities naturally shift. A mother who has leaned heavily on her son for emotional connection may feel confused, betrayed, or even abandoned when he forms his own family. This shift is not a sign of a lack of love but rather a necessary progression of his responsibilities. A man’s relationship with his wife takes precedence over his relationship with his mother, as the Bible teaches the principle of leaving and cleaving. This transition can be difficult for some mothers, particularly those who have not nurtured their marriage in parallel with their relationship with their child. The emotional dependence on a son can create tension and cause emotional distress when the natural shift occurs.

For mothers navigating this stage of life, the key is to stay emotionally aligned with your husband. To preserve peace in your relationship with your children, particularly your sons, remember to nurture your marriage. Don’t lose sight of the woman you were before motherhood. Prioritize your relationship with your spouse, invest in your marriage, and ensure that your love for each other remains strong, balanced, and focused on unity. This bond is crucial to the well-being of your family.

If your marriage is no longer intact, God’s grace offers the wisdom and strength to move forward without guilt, but even in such circumstances, it’s important to maintain emotional boundaries and a sense of balance. Let go of phrases like “After all I did for you…” or “After carrying you for nine months…” which, while expressing sacrifice, can also unintentionally manipulate a child’s emotions. True love is not transactional; it is unconditional and rooted in the joy of giving without expectation of return.

Remember that before you were a mother, you were a wife. And as your children grow and leave the nest, your marriage will remain. The foundation of your home is the strength of your marriage, and no child should ever disrupt what God has joined together. Keep your marriage strong, keep it balanced, and always nurture that bond. In doing so, you will provide a stable and loving home where both children and spouses can flourish, knowing that the love between a husband and wife is the bedrock on which everything else is built.