Lessons Learned from a Discarded Bridal Gown

Sometimes life just teaches you the hardest lessons, even if you are not ready for them. In 2013, my husband of more than 30 years walked into our living room and announced that he did not want me, or any of my “stuff”. Clearly we had been having some rough spots, but divorce never entered my mind. Events happened quickly and before I knew it, I was packing up our belongings to move on to the next chapter. He left all of that to me…the memories, the tears, the hurt.

In packing, there was my wedding dress, lacy, puffy, classic 1980s. I pondered what to do with it, and after long hours of packing by myself, the anger and hurt just grew. There were several big ice chests that my ex was to take. I knew that in the days to come that those ice chests would be pulled out for HIS family gatherings. I placed my wedding dress in one of the chests, a dig to our past. A closed chest to contain a symbol of our commitment that I hoped would catch him off guard when he opened the cooler.

Time passed, I moved to a new town, began a new relationship. One of my favorite crafts is the art of traditional rug hooking. I soon traveled a couple times a year to meet up with fellow “hookers”. Mostly women gathered and enjoyed this wonderful art form and shared stories of life. It was so good for my soul. At one such event, my eyes opened, my heart was moved, and I found myself a new passion.

One of the ladies next to me spoke about a group of people in her church that made little wooden memory boxes for families that had suffered the worst kind of loss, the death of their newborn. These little babies become angels, leaving a family expecting such joy, turning into such sorrow. For many years, lost babies that died preterm were not discussed. The idea that time or a new pregnancy or time would erase the memory. Assuredly families that have endured this terrible loss never forget that sweet short life.

As I listened intently, the woman went on to say that there were groups that took donated wedding gowns and made them into the tiniest burial garments for these little angels. Groups donated them to NICUs and funeral homes. New mothers mourning the loss of these tiny babies have one opportunity to dress their sweet angels. Many grandmothers rush to find garments to bury their grandchild, only to find that even doll clothes were too big. The woman then gave me information to contact the groups and I did so as soon as I returned home.

On the drive home, I thought about my wedding gown, tucked in an ice chest out of spite. I knew I was not that person anymore and that lacy forgotten yardage had a redeeming purpose. I swallowed my pride, called my ex-husband, told him where the gown was and asked that he mail it to me. The package arrived a few days later and I began my journey making these precious garments and some self healing.

Quickly I contacted a nonprofit organization in the Houston area. Within a few days I was at a sew-in, learning how to create these little gowns. In the process, began to understand the physical realities of these babies. Most have very fragile skin and joints. Many have deformations that ended their life in utero. The loss too unbearable, but a welcomed relief of having just the right gown to dress their baby for the only time.

Since that time I have attended several sew-ins that start with the donation of formal wear, cutting out zippers, foundations, and cutting the yardage into workable pieces. Often community groups will help us take a full dress, and reduce it too yardage, piles of lace, and element of the dress that can be reconstructed into a simple but beautiful garment. The patterns that we use take into consideration that the baby is fragile, so open backs and open sleeves that can be easily slipped on the angel. The gowns are made in a variety of sizes, boy and girl designs, neutral buntings and colors and designs that appeal to different cultures. A tiny little cap is included with most of the outfits. Sometimes our little buntings are only 6 inches square, to wrap the tiniest little body.

Scissors!!! Oh my, we go through several pairs. Sometimes getting the zippers and sequined lace are rough on our cutters. We use several basic patterns and often a group of non-sewers will cut out the pieces for the garment. The seamstress makes the choices of the patterns and adds the lace, trim and ribbons to make the gowns complete. It is an act of love and donations of ribbons, trims, thread, scissors, and use of their personal sewing machine.

The gowns are gathered and then presented to NICUs. Often the foundation will receive a call from a family member from all around the country and ask that a gown be sent. The pace is fast and every attempt is made to send a gown overnight express. There is never a charge for this gift and the organization relies on fund raisers and monetary gifts from the community.

Covid stopped us all in our tracks and hospitals were reluctant for any outside donations and has forced closure of the local organization. I am sure that many families continued to have their heartbreaking loss and it is my hope that my gift of sewing becomes a part of their necessary grieving. This is not easy to talk about but it is how I found that my talents could be used in a graceful way. I find the whole process very creative, very satisfying that I have found my way to give back. I applaud that my love of one hobby led me to another in such an unusual way.

And it all started with a very ugly act on my part that taught me one of my best lessons…do better, be better, make a small difference and be happy.