Legacy: Are You Leaving it or Nah?

Alright, I think I’ve done enough articles with supporting links. Even when I said “this is from the heart”, I put in links.

And I’m taking a break from the academic piece for a hot second. The next article will be some academic tips and tricks, but here is just some free game.

So what would be so big a deal that I wanted to just rant and not worry about “backing up my views with sources?”

Legacy.

Parents, let me have you real quick.

What are you doing for your kids’ legacy? I know I caught you off-guard with this, but yes, I need you to listen. Your kids’ legacy, not yours. You are probably thinking “I love my kids, they are my legacy.”

Congratulations, doting parent! Still, who are they, apart from you? Because if they aren’t becoming their own people, then rest assured; your legacy is not legacying.

No I don’t mean whether they like Roblox or Minecraft, no I don’t mean their favorite food or their favorite school club. And no, I don’t mean the little ones; now is the time to just love on them. I mean the kids who are forming their identities they will carry into the 30s. This is what I mean:

If I ask your child about their growth, their story, how they got to where they are now, who would I hear about: them, or you?

I’ll let you think about it for a minute.

No answer yet? Think a little longer.

The correct answer is both.

Why do you think this is so?

Let me explain. If your child gives me this account, and all I hear is you, then I would conclude that you have disallowed the space to express themselves, their hopes, dreams, fears. Your child would just be copy and paste. That’s no good; we have a “you” already. Contrary to popular belief, that’s danged enough.

On the other side, if all I hear is them, then I would conclude that all they have is space. Look, our kids will need us long after they become legal and even form their own families. So in this teenager age range I’m talking about right now, I need to hear parts of you in there. Children need positive influences, even outside the home (shout out to engaged teachers and mentors everywhere), but it starts with us, the parents.

Some people are aware of the adage that children should be “seen and not heard”. Well shoot, children should be seen, heard, and validated, especially during their last 5-7 years with us. Authority at this phase has to look different. No we can’t let the kids (teens) run the house, but it more looks like being on “offense” with showing the teens how the world works. The “Jack in the Box” secret sauce to this is understanding what they like to do, and giving them these life lessons in this context. In short, let them think they are leading (because leadership skills are necessary), but be moving it from the shadows...but still not enough so that we stifle them.

Sound confusing? Wonderful. Welcome to parenthood.

Our children need a combination of self-exploration and guided influence to be equipped for the world. Even if your child isn’t the most articulate, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” needs to be a question these kids can answer as individuals.

To fail to do this is doing our kids a gross disservice. It’s 2021; we have to not live vicariously through our children, or be so arrogant to think our track is the best track to have. Still, letting a child wander off into the ether somewhere is also an exercise in futility. Parenting can be thankless, and “your child” may be “your offspring”, well into their 40's or something before they see the beauty in what you’ve given them…

...but this is still precisely what we have to give them.