Last words

It had been months since Cara's mother had passed, 8 to be exact, but she still had not worked up the courage to enter her mothers room. She had inherited the house and had been sleeping in her childhood room, although she had updated the room to fit an adult rather than reflect her younger years. It was both soothing and painful to be in the same house that reminded her so much of the woman that raised her. It was harder to ignore all the memories that flowed from these walls like the amber liquid that filled her cup to help bolster her courage. She sat at the table staring down the hall at the door at the end trying to build up enough ire to finally do it. "Come on Cara! It's just a room! You can do this!" as she stood her heart paused and started to slowly speed up with each footstep until it was pounding in her ears as she stood before the door. She stood there for what felt an eternity but in reality was probably only a few seconds. "What are you so afraid of!?" and with that she pushed the door open. The first thing she noticed was the calming wave that washed over her as the familiar scent of her mothers perfume. She smiled and decided then that that was the atmosphere she was going to try and keep while in this room. As she looked around she smiled seeing the room looked like it was still being lived in seeing the bits of life her mother left behind in her wake. She picked up a shirt from the floor and put it to her face taking in the calming scent. The presence of her mother in this room rather than being overwhelmingly depressing like every other moment. Cara sat on the bed the whole room feeling as if it was enveloping her in a hug. Cara looked around the room to keep her distracted so the sadness wouldn't worm its way back into her thoughts. Her sights settled on a little black notebook on her mothers dresser. She stood and walked to the dresser curious what it was or if it was important or not. She slowly opened the cover, tentatively reading at first wondering if this was an invasion of privacy or if her mom had wanted her to read this. When she started gaining confidence she started reading further she realized it was her mothers diary. Cara had never realized how many adventures her mother had gone on before she had her. The diary detailed trips to Egypt, Africa, Paris, Rome, Yosemite park, Washington Monument, Mount Rushmore and even remote places apparently not many people knew about that offered the most beautiful views ever beheld by any human. To know this about her mother confused her because she seemed so complacent with the simple life of raising a child. She had never complained about Cara ruining her life, but as she read she couldn’t help but to feel that she had brought an abrupt halt to her mothers fantastic life.Cara had never knew her father, her mother rarely talked about him and it seemed to her that he was a wanderer just like her mother. Thankfully the diary didn’t detail the conception and skipped to the pregnancy. She realized her mother wrote about her the same way she wrote about her adventures out in the real world although she did express some worry in the beginning but that's normal for any mother she thought. Jumping forward to the delivery learning that she was an easy birth with no complications made her smile. The line “ When I finally held this being that had been growing inside me for these past 9 months I couldn’t think about a more beautiful sight, though I have seen the world over many a times nothing compares to the feeling of holding that precious child in my arms and knowing I would do anything for her. Even give up this life of wandering to give her the stability she will need to grow.” made Cara break down. She hugged the diary to her breast as she tried gathering herself to read more but being overwhelmed at knowing how much her mother loved her and cherished her made it hard to stop crying. Although Cara couldn’t tell if it was out of the pain that she felt at losing such a bond or at knowing her mother cared so much. This was the first time she had let the tears fall so freely so it was hard to stop them and the alcohol she had been drinking before was making it even harder. When the sobs weren't so forceful she took a deep breath and held it for a second before slowly letting it out. She continued breathing in and out slowly trying to push the excess emotions out with each pull and push of air. When she finally got herself under control she continued to read. Her mother had the same enthusiasm writing about what seemed like a mundane life as if she was still having adventures. Cara couldn’t help but smile as she read about how much her mother loved her and laughed as she read the parts about when she would misbehave. As she got closer to the end she started reading about her mothers health going down hill, Cara struggled to keep reading because watching the strong rock that was her mother whither away was almost too much to take. Her mother had gotten cancer but she always seemed to take it with grace and poise. Cara guessed since her mother had had such a fulfilling life she was ready when it was time. She hadn’t understood how her mother had kept so calm through it all but now she kinda understood. It gave her a bit of peace knowing her mother had had such a fulfilling life. Cara realized she was getting close to the end of the journal which made her a bit depressed. She had felt like her mother was speaking to her again as she read every word. Cara bit her lip then continued reading and was surprised to see the last couple of pages were addressed to her. “Dear Cara, by now you have read this whole dairy and learned about the type of life I had before you. I know you may feel a tinge of guilt for the way my life turned out but I want you to know that if I could change my life I wouldn’t. To me you were the best thing to ever happen to me and I would never have given that up for the world. I wanted you to know how much you were loved and to show you the world isn’t as dark as it may seem right now. I know it must be hard without me and the world may seem like a harsher place but I wanted to show you that there is still light and beauty in this world. It may not seem like it now but that soon will pass and hopefully one day you find the same happiness I did. I want you to go out and live your own adventures. I also understand that you are curious about your father and would probably like to meet him. Sadly all I got from him before he slipped away in the night was his name Richard Jenkins and a very old polaroid picture of him. I had tried looking for him but had very little luck since he was a wanderer like me, although recently I heard rumors he was somewhere in Ireland. There is an envelope at the end of this diary tucked in the pocket. In it I left you $20,000 to start your own adventures or even to look for your father if you so choose. There is also a plane ticket to Ireland and the polaroid tucked in there somewhere just in case. Break the news to him gently if you meet him though, it's a big shock learning you had a daughter after all this time. Just remember that if he denies you it won’t be the end of the world, you will forever have my love wherever you go whether I am there or not. I hope your adventures take you to great heights and you see the beauty I wanted so bad to show you. Just know whatever you chose and where ever you go in life you will always have my support. Now my dear Cara go off into this world and create your own adventures just like I did, with love Mom.” Cara sat there stunned without a clue in the world how her mother even got this money, but one thing she did know is that she would put it to good use and make her mother proud by discovering all the light and beauty left in the world.