Kids at Heart

“Now Babe I’m going to warn you right now, my family is a little weird.”

“Honey everyone says that.”

I chuckled darkly, “I can’t wait for you to meet The Aunts then.”

It was that time of year, Thanksgiving, and it was the first one I got to spend with my boyfriend of two years. I was so excited for him to meet my family. They’re extremely fun to be around, but I wasn’t exaggerating when I said my family was weird. Usually everyone would come together at a family member’s house, but this year we had to do things differently. We had to get together at one of the community halls at my Aunt’s apartment complex because there was so many family and friends coming this year that we needed to use the dinning hall. The Aunts were two out of three siblings, the third of which being my Grandmother. All three of the siblings were loud and boisterous in their own ways, but my Grandmother was a 5 foot tall fire-cracker with spiky, red hair to match. One Aunt had a hearty laugh and an inviting energy that could pull anyone in. The other Aunt was more eccentric, going through life as if it were her own personal fairy tale. There was an ongoing joke in the family and I would tell you now, but it’s funnier if you figure it out later in the story.

As we pulled up to the apartment complex I couldn’t help but giggle to myself about what shenanigans we were about to walk into. We weren’t the only ones who pulled up at that time, my parents had pulled in a few parking spaces away from us.

“Hey guys! Did you make it down here ok?” My boyfriend asked my dad.

“Yeah the drive wasn’t bad, you?”

“The drive was good.”

“Have you met this side of the family yet?”

My boyfriend shook his head, “No not yet, I spent the holidays with my family for the last couple years.”

My dad chuckled to himself, “get ready.”

My boyfriend frowned at my dad, confused, but he just smiled and shook his head as he walked up to the front door with my mom. We followed after and was met with a loud and cheerful “heyyy!” From the half of the family that was closest to the door. Then was our customary shuffle where we were passed along between the relatives for hellos, hugs and kisses.

“Well look who decided to finally show up!”

It was my Grandfather, the ball buster himself, truthfully it was a side career. It was his life’s mission to tease and make fun of everyone as often and as equally as he could. If he didn’t like you, he left you alone.

“Hey kiddo,” he said as he pulled me into a rough hug, “is this the boyfriend I’ve been hearing so much about?”

“Yes sir.” My boyfriend said as he shook my Grandfather’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, kid. You better take good care of my girl now.”

“Of course, sir.”

He looked as if he was going to say more, but he caught sight of my dad (his next victim). “Hey! What the hell happened with the Patriots last night!” And he was off.

I laughed, he just couldn’t help himself. That was when I heard The Aunts, “ohhh Honey!” And I was swept up into a hug by someone who was half a foot shorter than me.

“Hi Aunty, how are you?”

“Oh Honey, I’m doing very well. I’m so happy you could come. Whooo is this handsome man you brought with you?” She asked as she immediately shifted her attention to my boyfriend, running her hand across his chest and patting him fondly. My boyfriend stared at me thoroughly confused, but was also trying not to laugh.

“This is my boyfriend, Aunty.” I said with a giggle.

“It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Oh sweetheart, call me Aunty.” She said, laying her New England accent on thick as she pulled him into a hug. While one Aunt was keeping him busy, I was pulled into another hug by the other.

“Hi Aunty, how are you?”

“I’m good, I’m good. You look so beautiful today, Honey. I love your red hair so much, just like a sunrise.”

“Thank you, Aunty.” I said kissing her cheek.

She pulled me close to whisper in my ear, “So that’s your boyfriend? He’s very handsome.”

I giggled, “yes I think so too.”

“I hope he treats you well, Honey.”

“He does, don’t worry.” I said and she smiled at me as she took her sister by the elbow to make their way over to my parents.

After all of the hellos, welcomes and introductions were made it was just about time to sit down and eat dinner. Nothing too overly entertaining happened during the meal aside from the usual jokes and ball busting. The meal was buffet style so all of the lewd jokes were made and all of the comments on who made what. It wasn’t until after the desserts started coming out that things really started getting rowdy. I was sitting and chatting with my boyfriend, just happy he was there with me, when all of a sudden I had a face full of whipped cream. I spun around to see my Uncle standing there with a child-like grin on his face and the evidence still smeared in his hand. My Uncle was 11 years older than me and truthfully did he ever really grown up past that age? I bolted up from my seat and chased after him, intent on smacking any piece of him I could get. Finally, conceding defeat, I cleaned off my face and went to go sit beside my boyfriend where I plotted my revenge.

But it seemed as though my mom was already avenging me. She was just short enough where her head was hidden behind one of the center pieces. From under the flowers she was flicking peas and carrots one by one across the table at my Uncle. I watched as she loaded her spoon with extra buttery peas and took aim at her brother. The peas splattered across his face and neck and without hesitation he leaped to his feet hurling a bread roll back at my mom. There was an eruption of laughter throughout the table when suddenly the booming, raspy voice of my Grandmother rang out above the crowd.

“ALL RIGHT, THAT’S ENOUGH.” She said. My Grandparents had been sitting tucked away at the back tables so they could monitor the shenanigans taking place. It was quite the sight. My tiny Grandmother, who had gotten to her feet, smacked her hands down on the table was fixated on my Uncle with “the stare”. The sight of this six foot man shrinking back to an 8 year old as he stared at his mother was priceless.

“But she started it!” He whined.

“I don’t care who started it, I’m ending it!” She snapped back, making the argument final. My Grandfather, of course, was snickering behind her back. He loved the shenanigans and he loved when his wife got testy even more.

“You know…” He said to my Uncle. “Technically you did start it when you slapped your niece in the face with whipped cream. She was avenging her kid.” He chuckled.

My Uncle scowled, turning his back to my Grandfather so he could sulk in peace. I looked over at my mom and she winked at me, snickering behind her brother’s back.

My boyfriend watched everything play out and was thoroughly mystified. He started laughing quietly.

“You were right.” He whispered to me.

“Oh yeah? About what this time?” I teased.

“Your family is weird.” He laughed softly. “But it’s a good kind of weird…

“Well we’re all just kids at heart, y’know?”

“I hope we can come again next year. This was fun.”

I kissed his cheek softly, “of course we can, if you think you can handle us.”