Kaleidoscope Dream

Part Two: Chapter Nine : Kaleidoscope Dream

June 2018

I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted by two in the afternoon, so much so that I can barely keep my eyes open. I figure a nap may help, and I fall asleep within minutes of my head hitting the pillow.

The Dream:

I remember the exact moment I become lucid in the dream. It is as though my spirit intercepts my subconscious mind.

"Ah, here I am, in the place where I am both asleep and awake," my spirit silently notes.

My spirit watches the subconscious movie running in my mind, ready with some purpose to intercept further.

Meanwhile, in my subconscious movie, my dreaming self is carrying on a conversation with a thin twenty-something blonde-haired male. I am sitting at a desk, working at our annual music conference. I am saying to the man, "Wouldn't it be so funny if people were coming up to get their credentials, and I kept telling them to take this mug and that sticker, but nothing was actually there? Like, make people think they're crazy that they can't see what I'm talking about? I have to tell Evelyn [my co-worker] this."

For some reason, my dreaming self finds this statement hilarious and laughs.

The blonde-haired guy politely smiles but does not respond.

My spirit does not find the statement as funny as my dreaming self. She does not judge either way, but simply waits for my dreaming self to finish laughing so she can merge with her. And when she does, I become lucid in the dream. Now, my lucid-dreaming self stands up and turns to see a tall staircase behind me.

"This means I can visit my mom!" I say out loud to the blonde-haired guy. He smiles again.

In the dream, I am aware that I am half-child, half-spirit. I understand the human being is always a child, governed by an incredible range of emotions. Sometimes, those emotions are out of control. That is my human existence, an emotional child here to learn and grow. I also understand that the spirit in me is old, wise, and forever-poised. When my spirit and human existence merge, the child always has more control.

I run up the stairs to find the most incredible site.

At the top of the stairs is a long stretch of iridescent mirrors. The best way I can describe it is a kaleidoscope fun-house laboratory.

Sure enough, my mom is there—miles away—walking with a very tall, about 6’5ish, light-skinned, bald male. I am not certain who this man is, but he looks very much like the famous author and spiritual teacher, Wayne Dyer, who passed away just a couple of years before my mom.

He is dressed in all black, a crisp black long-sleeved shirt tucked into black pants and a belt. I sense whatever the man is telling my mother is important because she is completely focused on his words.

"Okay," she nods. I hear her loud and clear, but his voice is softer, serene, calm. "Okay," she replies again. I sense she is making sure she understands what he is telling her to do.

"Mom!" I scream, tears streaming down my face. Suddenly, I am weightless, like a ghost, able to float freely. I start floating toward her, fast. "Mom!!"

I am faceless, body-less, but she recognizes me anyway. As she turns to see me, a smile spreads widely across her face.

The man does not stop my mother as she rushes toward me, and despite my lack of form, when I finally reach her, we hug close.

"Mom, where are you?" I ask angrily. "Don't you know I need you? I need you, and you're off doing what?"

"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm just really busy right now. I have a ton of work to do."

"Too busy for me? I need you. I need you!" I scream. I am sobbing.

"Just let me finish this, and then I promise I'll be there for you."

My eyes dart open.

I am sobbing when I wake also.

Even though I am awake and the dream is over, I know I have really spoken to my mother. Out loud, I scream, "What could be so important there that you wouldn't be here with me?"

I sob, and sob, and sob.

"How dare you!" I yell. I punch my pillow.

I'll never forget the kaleidoscope laboratory, upstairs in the convention center of some unknown place, in an unknown time. And I’ll ways remember a blonde-haired man who smiled and nodded, a bald man in black, and undoubtedly my mother, who had never been too busy for me on earth, but on the next plane, in the next realm, was on a mission.

One day, I hope she tells me what she was doing that was so important.