It's Not All About ME!

Look! Up Above! There's a picture of... ME! What could I possibly doing in in it?! Probably just scrolling on a smartphone screen...

I look like a pretty solid musician, don't I?

The only reason why I look like I have any sort of CLUE what I'm doing in that picture is likely due to the fact that I'm just straight-up lucky. Stupid lucky? Shoot... pretty much. Since crossing over the border from the South Suburban Chicagoland region to the Northeastern Indiana region, people everywhere have challenged me to, well, ADAPT. And by adapt, I mean, TONE IT WAY DOWN...

I never thought my music was ever that great to begin with... it's just the only thing that kept me sane while I isolated in my South Suburban Chicagoland apartment when the COVID-19 Pandemic first erupted. Even when the vaccines started rolling out, and local pharmacies within walking distance offered them, I avoided leaving my former apartment. When there was no one there to guard it - or my beloved battle buddy - Nitty - it was simply risky for a girl like me to leave. People were desperate, hungry, weary... I saw NO reason to head out unless absolutely necessary...

YOUR BATTLE BUDDY'S A CAT???

Since my prior encounters with the local pharmacies, grocers and even neighbors at the time all seemed to regularly balk at, delight in, or be totally bemused by my musical failures and apparent lack of total disregard - many failed to see all the small, good things I DID do...

SMALL MIRACLES...

No, I didn't BREAK OUT my little smartphone to capture the true miracles in my life... they were ALWAYS pretty small. The real heroes of whatever story it is this young woman wants to write about are the people she loves and trusts the most - the men and women who have ALWAYS been more essential than herself. They've always been trying to tell me - sometimes politely, sometimes more LOUDLY - that I look like an outrageous mess and need to get a LEGIT job. You know what? I couldn't agree more...

ANY TIME NOW...

I never forgot what my first and foremost obligation was in my apartment when I was completely alone - defending the property and providing for myself and my elderly cat. I never forgot who treated me with dignity and respect. Nor did I forget who decided to, "dig their claws in..." so to speak. My encounters with the pharmacy that was THEN dispensing my medications at the time were regularly unpleasant...

AND...

I basically just said to myself, "Ok... guess, I'll just sit here and keep working on this music thing... let the healthcare providers, first responders, elderly people, shift-workers and more physically ill individuals go get their vaccines first...". It wasn't just that I wasn't in the mood to have ANYONE denigrate me subtly anymore than they already did for being an unemployed, loud, mentally ill young woman. I just focused on nothing but my health, safety, and security first. I sheltered in place, again. I did what came naturally to a former Certified Nursing Assistant and currently unemployed Home Health Aide and decided to put #FirstRespondersFirst.

A STOCK PICTURE OF A NOT TORN DOWN HOSPITAL...

The real hero's behind my story were never the stupid little girl fiddling mindlessly with her phone who takes too many selfies. They were the quiet, "Behind-The-Scene's" cat's - the nurses and the caregivers, as well as the LOUD and LOYAL guard dogs - the doctors, soldiers, cops, lawyers and the people with, "power"... that this odd young, mentally ill woman is learning all about with the help of her new neighbors and family in a magical place called Crown Point, Indiana.

Don't get it TOO twisted, though. I still meander back home - whenever I need to go - so I can be awkward, loud, goofy and loved for it... which is the South Suburban Chicagoland region AS WELL AS the Northeastern Indiana region!

I'm well aware that I'm NOT Taylor Swift. I like her music. I make fan covers of them because I can relate. Same with Ed Sheeran. Same with Beyoncé and Destiny's Child. The list of well-known and unknown talent is long and fortunately subjective! There's A LOT of enormous talent out there. Both BIG and LOUD or small and obnoxious. Well known and paid, or unknown and trying to get there...

When the Pandemic first sparked, my first instinct was go out, buy some scrubs and walk down to the hospital I was born at to apply for an EMERGENCY Certified Nursing Assistant job. Sadly, it was already being torn down. It was something I had about as much control over as the cat jumping on anything and everything... or the dog I now live with... jumping on me!

BUT... MUSIC TRANSCENDS ALL BARRIERS!

No, Nitty, the hospital where I was born at being torn down during the height of the COVID-19 Pandemic in Chicago Heights, Illinois, DIDN'T help alleviate the poverty that still plagues that region AS WELL AS my current one to this day. It's been a year since I first, "WANDERED" here. Just the other day, a quick glimpse at my neighbor's paper revealed a sad statistic... "Child poverty rates increase by 30%". Tearing down the hospital probably made things WORSE for my birthland. When beds and jobs were needed to help save lives during emergency circumstances, sadly, the St. James Infirmary was already in the process of being torn down. I tried getting a job at my local grocery store. That didn't pan out as planned... I couldn't afford the rent solo. The landlord, other tenants, and even the neighbors, I guess, all just started hating my music so much did a little, "reach around" and decided, "Hey, let's just start doing all the lawn care when she starts making music! That should shut her up..."

NICE TRY...

My life isn't that interesting. I've moved on from my stupid days of being LOUD. I try to just put on or in my headphones, which, YASS... I DO NEED TO PERIODICALLY STERILIZE! Again, this story shouldn't be all about me... even I've had enough of that particular TRACK. (No offense to Taylor Swift... covering her songs has been a FUN blessing! Thanks for keeping me sane! Thank you to all the YouTube artists and Facebook friends that supported my music - both well known and not!).

I have an insatiable passion to basically just SUCCEED in life. Yes, I want a NORMAL JOB. Yes, I want friends and family. No, I don't want drama.

Yes, I'm willing to write if that's what will shut me up. I DO have an older sibling here that I need to treat with RESPECT. They took me in when I was at my weakest. I'll try to garden. I'll try to socialize the dog. Whatever I have to do. Even if that means basically just caring for the pets, cleaning up the house, delivering a newspaper to my neighbors doorstep here and there, ignoring all the comments about me screwing up when... all I did when I came here was try to work and make music like I have been for my whole life...

I have a big passion for music, animals, friends, neighbors, mental health and wellness, but you can't do that without a team! I long for CONNECTION and LOYALTY. I want friends - not enemies. I'm desperate for... "normalcy" however one defines that... The rescue companions within this household - the dog and the cat - are to come first. If they cry, or fuss, or fight... I want to cry. Now, I just quietly intervene. If my being here disrupts THAT... just because I made a terribly CONTENTIOUS or SALACIOUS playlist on YouTube... I only have an outdated Android Phone... You can't just ask SIRI to MUTE me???

"OK, GOOGLE..." "SHUT ME UP!"

It's okay to let the best of the best take over... the heroes of my story were always the First Responders, in my mind. The nurses, the doctors, the aides, the pharmacists, the soldiers, the grocers, the neighbors, the delivery drivers, the messengers... always in a rush back then. Still in a rush to this day... And still, they came to my doorstep, not knowing that behind those doors lived one terribly LOUD terrible musician of sorts. Sort of. So, I thought, "Maybe I should just STICK to writing?"

FOR WHO???