introduction

1989 Miami, Florida

I was born on the coldest day of the year, considering Florida is known for it's warm, sunny, with random daily sun-showers. But not that day.

It was Tuesday, on the first day of December, and it was snowing. My mother joked around about how when I was bo

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It was the day after Thanksgiving 1989 in Miami, Florida, and Linn was more than ready for her daughter to come out of her overly crowded uterus. Considering her due date was October 31st. Yup, a whole month and I still wasn't ready to come out.The Doctor had finally gave the okay to induce my mother on November 28th and for the next three days she had laid in her hospital bed in lingering in labor. Even with days time past, a medically push from the Doctor,and my mother praying for this labor nightmare to finally be over.

I still was not ready to join the world

6:13 am December 1st

The Doctor and nurses stormed into Linn's hospital room almost with panic. Just as fast as everyone came in, Linns' hospital bed was being wheeled out of her hospital room into the hallway, down the hallway, through to big open doors with a sign above saying "Surgery in Progress". After entering the room Linn realized the sign she has just read was lit up. Just as she had come to her own conclusion that she was about to have a C-section, is when a Doctor had decided to break the news of the emergency C-section.

The last thing Lin could remember was being told to count backwards from 10, 9, 8, 7, 6.... then darkness.

I was born on Tuesday, December 1st, 1989 at 6:46 am, surprisingly it was snowing, in fact the day I was born just happened to end up being the coldest day of that year. My mother likes to joke around about how when I was born I froze hell over- considering Miami has the reputation of being the sunshine state, and is well known for it's warm, sunny, with random daily sun-showers.

I weighed 6 lbs 8 oz, I was 19 inches long, and ready or not, I was here, I was finally born.

December 2nd

Lin was recovering from her surgery the morning before. But even in a deep sleep she could hear a familiar sound of foot steps trekking down the hall getting closer and closer. Lin was so relieved when she saw her mother Linda standing in the doorway holding flowers and balloons that said "Congratulations".

"Where's my grand daughter?" Linda said as she put down the flowers and balloons, getting ready to hold (me) the baby.

When my mother told my grandma that she had yet to hold me and that she had only seen me in the surgery room when I was first born, my Grandma went nuts!

You see, my mom had thought that this is how things went when someone was rushed into an emergency c-section, and since the nurses spoke mainly Spanish she didn't realize that they had kept asking if she wanted the baby brought from the hospitals' nursery into her hospital room, Lin had kept saying "No".

Now here's the strange part..

When Linda, my mothers mom, had spoke to the main nurse about bringing me into my mom's hospital room. The main nurse had come back to my mothers hospital room without a baby, she then informed my Mother and Grandmother that "Baby for Lin has been misplaced, but please remain calm". They did not remain calm.

Next thing you know the hospital had called "Amber Alert" and closed down the hospital where no one was aloud to come in and out of the entire facility.

3 hours later- My Mother finally got to meet her baby- (Me)

If it wasn't for the resemblance between me and my Grandmother, you would think the nurses at the hospital gave my mother an unwanted baby instead of actually finding me. My mothers' complexion is white and pale, she has a head full of red pin straight hair, her eyes are a beautiful greenish-blue, and her lips are thin. As for me; my complexion has a olive- green tan, I have black-thick very defined small curls, my eyes are brown, and my lips are full.

I never met my Father. When I would ask my mom about him she would sarcastically reply things like, "He was a real winner". No matter how much I would beg my mother about his where a bouts, she would never cave in, not even a single detail. I stopped asking for a couple years, then finally around 15 years old, she opened up on night, I don't know if maybe she was drunk or maybe it was because I was old enough for such grim detail. But she finally told me..

When we lived in Miami, Florida my father (Joel) sold and consumed a lot of cocaine and when I was 3 years old, my father hadn't been home for a few nights, and wasn't answering when my mom paged him. Which she said wasn't so odd since he went M.I.A often when on his coke binges. But this time, my mom found out why he went missing this time.

My mother proceeded to tell me, that two men had showed up and let themselves in to look for my father. When they found out that my mom wasn't lying and he really wasn't there, they then told my mom about how Joel owed someone a lot of money and that if he didn't show up within the next 2 days they insinuated that they were going to harm my mother and me to let Joel know that they weren't playing.

My mom said; 14 hours later her and I were boarding a plane to New Jersey and my Grandma and Great Grandma drove a U-haul truck with all of our furniture- and that's how we became New Jerseyians.

Now for Joel (my Father)- He wasn't to be found because he had already left for Ohio. The jerk didn't even care about my mother and I, and left us in harms way because of his debt!

I want to say fortunately, but to make it sound like I'm not a unforgiving bitch, I will say..

Unfortunately, the men looking for my father (Joel) found out where he was hiding out, and I guess he owed a lot of money, because those men traveled to Ohio. Once they got their hands on him, they proceeded to beat Joel over the head with a horse shoe steak.

That is where my mother told me where I could find my father (Joel), she then grabbed a pen and began to write down a name and number on a small pad of paper, when she finished she went ahead and ripped the page of the pad, and passed it to me. Then she told me she was going to bed and left me in the kitchen with everything she just finally opened up about, and the answer of where and how I can get a hold of the mystery man known as my father.

I finally had an idea about who he was and how my mother and I came to just being "us", and most importantly I had a name and a number to reach him.

Well I don't want to waste more time talking about him so long story short, the next day I called the number my mother had left for me to get a hold of Joel and that's when I learned that he was a life-long resident at a rehabilitation home for mental health, and he was too far gone brain wise to have a decent phone conversation. I thought it was a complete joke that my mother was playing. I thought she had given me a number to some psych institution to throw me off my fathers trail, but when the nurse went ahead and attempted to put Joel on the phone, I knew this was all for real, all too real actually.

The phone convo kinda went like this..

me: "Hello Joel?"

A man comes on the phone, Finally this was it! I get to speak to the Mystery Man. My Father..

Joel: "He- (as he stutters) Hel...llll.. F*CK F*CK F*CK"

Then the nurse came back on the phone and began to tell me that he was so brain dead that he wasn't able to get the words out that he wanted to, so he get frustrated, and that results with him giving up and cursing. She then let me know that if I would like to visit what documents I should bring, and if I would like to set up a visiting date.

That's when it hit me, now I know why my mom had left him out of the picture, and to this day I don't bring up anything about knowing my Father to my mom. I realize that my mom was just trying to keep me away from his lifestyle before and after.

But now a days, my mother tells me all the time, How much I am just like my Father. How can you be like someone you never met?