If this barn could talk...

RECOLLECTIONS

Fall in Vermont never ceases to amaze the tourists who are swept away by the colorful foliage, with breathtaking vistas of orange, yellow and red blazing across the landscape. Locals are expectant as well, knowing that the glorious autumn season is brief, and winter will soon descend, painting the land white, mixed with hues of black and grey.

Jessie Marsden slowly headed up the long private road toward the ranch house she had last seen ten years ago. Passing by the old barn, she was shocked to see how much it had deteriorated. Once the proud icon of the farm, it’s bright red color had totally faded to a dull pink, and no longer stood out in the landscape. A pang of sadness fell over her, but she pushed on, wondering if this were an ominous foreshadowing of things she would discover during this visit.

Her mother had asked her to come, as it seemed that Daddy had finally reached a decision to sell the property. No longer a working farm, the house and land were the remaining assets and valuable to the right buyer. Jessie supposed that selling the land would provide a comfortable retirement for her parents but what that entailed was a mystery, and Jessie didn’t ask questions. As usual, she chose to accommodate her parents rather than engage.

Her family history was colorful, memorable and complicated, and just the thought of reliving things in this environment gave her a headache. She pulled off the main road and stopped. Feeling like a ragdoll, she let her head drop backwards, thankful that the neck rest in her vehicle stopped her from flopping sideways. Shutting her eyes, she sighed and took a deep breath and let the memories flood in.

Soon after returning from WWII, her Grandpa Joe had decided to buy a dairy farm near his roots in Vermont, taking full advantage of the GI bill and all benefits offered. With the help of his best army buddy Dick Granger, Marsden Dairy was born. Grandpa was sweet on a gal named Bess who lived in nearby Fairfax, and it didn’t take long before he’d convinced her to marry him; the crowning moment of his civilian life as he told it. He started with 20 cows, a mix of black and white Holsteins, fawn-colored Jerseys, along with speckled crossbreeds of the two. He kept one bull, to ensure the herd would be maintained, and as each calf was born, Grandpa Joe held a celebration, naming each one, but only keeping one bull calf at a time.

Jessie’s father was the sole heir and beloved son who worked with his father until college age. Upon graduation from law school he moved to New York, married, started his law practice and would visit the farm twice a year, usually the 4th of July and Christmas. Jessie was his second child, a daughter who was rarely acknowledged, hiding behind the gargantuan shadow cast by her larger-than-life brother Derrick. Adored and pampered by both parents, Derrick was unable to do anything wrong. Jessie had no expectations placed on her, nothing negative, nothing positive. So from her perspective, life was basic survival, small moments of happy, and mostly easy.

Then came the summer that Jessie was sent to live on the farm with her grandparents while her parents and brother Derrick toured the USA in pursuit of the perfect college for their perfect son. Jessie had no desire at 14 years old to accompany them and endure the fawning that would inevitably follow at each campus visit, so she welcomed the chance to hide out in Vermont. Life on the farm was right up her alley. Limited human interaction, lots of free time.

A surprise awaited her, as it was the year that a strong bull-calf had been born, and his name was Ernie. He became her immediate joy and special friend. He would come trotting up to her with the rambunctious glee of an oversized puppy. It was almost as if he knew she understood that his privileged destiny was a life of grazing on green, hilly pastures and occasionally performing the duties required of a ladies' man.

It was glorious. Grandma taught her how to make pies, and Grandpa let her chop wood, hang out in the barn and generally take each day as it came. She spent hours in the hay loft, writing stories of adventure and happy-ever-after. Dreaming of a life that was out of reach, yet somehow being in the barn helped her imagination come to life.

Except for the constant presence of that older boy Josh Granger, it was a magical season.

Josh was the grandson of Grandpa’s partner and spent most of his summer vacations on the farm. It seemed that he was helping with the dairy, but Jessie really didn’t know. Whenever their paths crossed, it was head down, say nothing, go away. Until the day she wandered too close to the fishpond and slid on the slippery banks, landing headfirst into the water. As she thrashed around, Josh appeared and grabbed her shirt. With one strong pull she was back on the grass. Stunned and thankful, she made a truce and an unexpected friendship developed. For the rest of the long summer, she learned to fish, milk cows, recognize plants (poison ivy especially), and could identify birds by the songs they sung. Nature at its finest, through Josh’s eyes. They were inseparable.

August came, and her peaceful summer was over. Her parents returned and wasted no time in getting back to New York. Grandpa and Grandma, Ernie and Josh were in the rear-view mirror, and she was back in her self-protective shell of silence and invisibility.

“Ok, enough of walking down memory lane.” Jessie opened her eyes, steadied her hands on the steering wheel and pulled out. “Hold on tight, kiddo, it’s what you do best.”

REALITIES

The farmhouse was large and sprawling, with a beautiful wrap-around porch. Even from a distance she could see empty rocking chairs lining the front porch, moving slightly in the breeze as if invisible guests were lounging, awaiting dusk to settle. Her parents had relocated to the farm years ago when Grandpa got sick, leaving the hectic city behind. Daddy had setup a small practice in Fairfax, and since money wasn’t an issue, they lived well. After both grandparents had passed, the property was to remain in the family, and be maintained. If they were to sell, there was a will in place that would divide things up.

Of course, the value of the ranch and land had been left to settle among all living relatives, so the estate attorney recommended a family meeting to hear who got what. The good news was that there were only four people associated with the disbursement, and Jessie had determined that she would be happy with whatever Grandpa had provided for her. Her family totaled three, (Dad and Mom counted as one) , and the forth was Josh Granger, the now adult person from her past, whose grandpa had also originally invested in the farm, making him a beneficiary as well.

Jessie wasn’t sure how it would be seeing Josh again after all these years, as she had stayed in New York and rarely visited Vermont. It was easy to hide out in a megalopolis, and her small circle of friends and busy job life suited her just fine. She had heard that he attended MIT in Boston and wondered how his life was unfolding. Beyond that, she thought little else of this “family” gathering. With Derrick more than likely taking center stage, she could make nice and observe, without having to participate.

Parking the car, she grabbed her luggage and headed to the house. Creaky steps up, screen door open, and she was inside. The house smelled of flowers and spices, a sign that her mother had taken fresh cuttings from the garden and had been baking pies. How she had managed to go from socialite to farm housewife astonished Jessie, but then again, that was Mom. Always perfect in each situation.

“Hey, I’m here.” She wandered toward the kitchen, just as her mother came flying around the corner.

“Jessica! How are you? I’m grateful that you made it, you know we’ve all been waiting for you. I’ve made a room ready for you upstairs, so if you want to get your things, and clean up, dinner will be in an hour.”

Jessica smiled, knowing that a hug was out of the question, and simply thanked her, gathered her things and followed the rules. Get cleaned up. Come downstairs. Join the family for dinner. Family dynamics on full display.

6:00 dinner call came quickly, with everyone mulling around sharing superficial niceties. Grandpa’s attorney Stan Lewis had been invited, since the reading of the will would be immediately after dinner. He was an elderly man with a slightly hunched back and had the personality of a doorknob. Mom, Dad, Derrick (and his new girlfriend Lisa), were already clicking along, so Jessie poured some wine and took a seat at the table as close to the kitchen as she could. A safe spot indeed, should she need to escape.

When Josh arrived, the room fell silent. He filled the doorway, looking just like Thor arriving from Asgard to save the damsel in distress. Jessie wasn’t sure if she had stopped breathing, so she reached for her drink, and started swirling the wine around like she was at a taste testing. It was mere seconds before her father reached out and welcomed him, breaking the spell and allowing her to stand up and greet him.

“Hey Josh, long time – nice to see you.” She was horrified as she thought she sounded like Minnie Mouse.

“Jess, wow, yeah, you as well. What’s it been, about 10 years, eh?” His deep voice matched his looks, which surprised her since the last time she heard him speak he was going through adolescence with the standard range of high to low and squeaky sounds.

Her mother announced dinner and like an orchestrated event, 5 courses came and went, with idle chatter in between. Peppered of course with stories of all the amazing cases that Derrick had won, and his great rise to notoriety in his field. Jessie also learned that girlfriend Lisa was an anesthesiologist and had met Derrick at a mixer honoring the top professionals in Boston.

“It was called Boston’s Top 30 Under 40. We hit it off immediately, and it’s been just lovely. Well, we both work so much, me at the hospital and Derrick in his law practice, but we work hard and play hard – the best of both worlds!”

Jessie couldn’t get over how Lisa could manage to speak while tossing her long hair around as if a fan were blowing it, but it was oddly fascinating.

She also discovered that Josh had attended the University of Vermont, majoring in Food and Agriculture, finishing with a PhD in Food Systems and Plant & Soil Sciences.

“I spent a lot of time here on the farm and learned a lot. But working a dairy farm isn’t what I want. The land, it’s potential, that’s what interests me. So I joined up with the research team at college and learned how they are applying machine learning and artificial intelligence to predict optimal strategies for farmers based on their crop and environmental conditions.”

Father spoke up first. “And are you working in that field now?”

Josh smiled. “I’m still working with my professors, alongside a team of scientists around the U.S. We’re tackling agriculture’s grand challenge of feeding the world’s growing population while conserving natural resources and reducing its environmental footprint. I hope to bring this all into focus and get something going right here in Vermont.”

“That sounds just wonderful – how about some dessert?” Mom had a way of diverting conversation when it wasn’t centered on Derrick. Jessie was just happy that no one seemed to wonder why she hadn’t said a word. Dodged that bullet.

REVELATION

Thankfully, dinner ended, and they all moved to the great room in preparation for Mr. Lewis’ presentation of the will. Jessie hung back and waited to see where everyone else positioned themselves, and meekly sat next to Josh on a long chaise sofa. Mr. Lewis sat on a high back chair, looking self-important and smug.

“As to the reading of the will, let me assure you that this is the final testament and legal disclosure of Mr. Joseph Marsden, signed and notarized with witnesses as required by law in the great state of Vermont.”

He continued to read all the disclosures, and then preceded to advise that Grandpa had decided to divide all the assets equally by all beneficiaries upon the sale of said assets. Further, should any of the individuals wish to buy out the others, then that person would have first right of refusal on the purchase of the property.

Derrick was the first to speak. “So, we are all equal in this. Equal in preparing the property for the sale of all assets? Equal to represent the family in this real estate deal? I don’t think so. Let me suggest that we determine how we should handle this, on behalf of all of us, and not waste time.”

He turned to his parents. “I understand that you have made plans to move to that townhouse in Fairfax, so once you have taken all of your belongings, we can see what needs to be done to present this place in best light. I can secure a real estate agent, find contractors as needed to get this rolling. Any objections?”

Josh stood and positioned himself behind Jessie. “Can we just slow this down a bit? I’d like to discuss the possibility of me buying the property. It would simplify everything related to rushing your parents out, and I could absorb the restoration of whatever needs to me done and everyone would walk away with a fair distribution, not having to pay realtors or contractors, etc.”

“That’s definitely something that needs to be considered, Josh, and we thank you for stepping up.” Jessie’s father was now standing, and his face was stern just as it was whenever he was in court defending a client. “However, as noted in the will, we would need to entertain additional offers to secure that the first right of refusal is upheld.”

“Certainly – I’ll evaluate what the property is worth, in full, and present that back to you – is that fair?” Josh was calm and imposing at the same time, which Jessie found freaking amazing.

Derrick walked over, shook Josh’s hand, and nodded. Immediately after he, Lisa and her parents had left the room, and Mr. Lewis stood and moved over to shake Josh’s hand.

“Well played, son. Good luck in your quest to fully own this place. I wish you well.”

And with that he was gone, leaving Jessie glued to the chaise, and Josh staring down at her.

“Would you like to go for a walk? I know I would…” Josh held out his hand, and Jessie took it. She raised one eyebrow and hesitated before speaking. They got out to the porch just in time to see the last of the sun on the horizon.

“Seems that you have been thinking about what you were going to do about this for awhile now. Very smooth Mr. Granger.”

“You don’t remember what it was like out here? Land as far as you could see. That’s the plan, Jess. Restore the farmhouse and barn to their original glory. Utilize the land to do something sustainable and important. So yes, I’ve got it figured out. Now I just need to convince your family to make a deal.”

“Yeah? Well, I doubt it will take much if they can walk away with a pile of money. That’s what motivates them for sure. However, I’d like to see the property restored, maybe in honor of Grandpa Joe and Grandma Bess. So I’ll do what I can to push it along if that will help. God knows they’ve never listened to me before, but then again, I’ve never had a reason to speak up!”

Josh turned and faced her. “I’d like your help. But that aside, the entire dinner and evening has passed, and you haven’t said a word about what you’ve been up to all these years!” He nudged her shoulder. “Come on Jess, spill the beans!”

“Ah, well that’s easy. Still hiding in my cocoon as you used to say. Small fish in a big pond, little challenge, and keeping it simple. I know that sounds lame, but it’s what I’m comfortable with.”

“Are you sure about that?” Josh’s eyes were fixed on her. “Maybe it’s time for the butterfly to finally break out of it’s chrysalis. I know I called it a cocoon once, however, only moths come from cocoons. I know there’s a butterfly inside you – I met her one summer long ago, and I’ve never found anyone as pretty, charming and kind as that girl. Think about it. Maybe it’s time to try something less comfortable.”

Jessie didn’t know exactly how long they walked, but when they got back to the house, she felt her self-imposed walls starting to crack.

RESTORATION

When all was said and done, the Marsden’s moved out, leaving an empty house. But with six bedrooms, three bathrooms, and multiple huge spaces for creating family life, Josh didn’t care that they had abandoned it. “Better a blank canvas,” he thought. At 26 years old, with funding and support behind him, his purpose in life was clear.

He’d negotiated the sale for $18 million, awarding each beneficiary 4.5 million to do as they like. Derrick dumped Lisa and took his new girlfriend to Monaco for sun, sand and gambling. Jessie’s parents fled to their paired down life in Fairfax, happy to have a townhouse that didn’t require much of them.

But when Jessie got her check, she fell to her knees and cried. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she’d ever have this kind of money. Josh had written her a note, asking her to come visit. Her heart twisted, as it all seemed so unbelievable that a teenage connection could lead to anything – but he had pushed her to think about it. Why? She was a nobody, a nothing compared to his achievements and goals.

54 acres, the farmhouse, and the barn. He was determined that she should be part of it. After a long phone call, a few tears, and promises that Josh wouldn’t have too many expectations, she was ready. Give the landlord notice. Quit the job. Have a goodbye party with friends. Hire movers and drive away.

Once again, she found herself on the gravel road leading to the farmhouse. But this time, a smiling man was waiting for her on the porch. He had a towel draped over his shoulder, and a spatula in hand. “Just in time for breakfast, Ms. Marsden.”

“And you can cook as well? Maybe I’ve hit the jackpot after all, Mr. Granger?”

He didn’t answer. Instead he opened the screen door and she walked into her new life, feeling truly spontaneous for the first time in her life.

RENEWAL

Looking back, Jessie was pleased that she had maintained Grandma’s flower garden. With all the other improvements Josh had made to the farm, this was one area that was just as it had been.

She looked down at her left hand, astonished that her wedding ring had remained unblemished, considering that she had been digging in the dirt without gloves. Equally surprising was how mellow her life had become, with all that had transpired.

Baby Elizabeth was almost 10 months old, with a cheerful and peaceful disposition; although her natural curiosity had Jessie on her toes since anything within Bessie’s reach was sure to end up in her mouth. Each day was routine, and each day was an adventure. Jessie had yet to fully comprehend it and pinched herself regularly to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

Her journals told the story. When she first arrived at the farm, she started writing - first of current events, then of memories, and finally of future things. It wasn’t until they started the barn restoration that she experienced true breakthrough.

Josh has said that perhaps the barn should be fully demolished and made into more of a workshop of sorts. Jessie was surprised at her reaction to this suggestion. Experiencing the rare emotion of anger, she lashed out. She didn’t want it to be downsized. Instead she insisted, (while stomping her feet), that Josh would utilize it for research and development, product testing or whatever else his business partners and expansion team needed to do. Besides, she had money to invest too, and that was that.

Josh applauded her feistiness and kissed her heartily. “Agreed. This barn will be the crowing glory of the landscape once again, and you can have the prime window seat in the rafters for your reading, writing and storytelling!”

And so, she spent hours in the dilapidated old skeleton, pulling boards, moving old hay bales, and generally exhausting herself doing the heavy labor required to stage a restoration. One morning as she was dragging a wood beam across the floor, a ray of sunlight shone through a hole in the roof. It illuminated the room, with its dust and decay, yet also revealed a vision of what it had been and would be.

Whatever it was, Jessie knew somewhere in this process of restoring the barn lay the healing she so desperately needed.

This old barn had been neglected and unloved. No one had cared enough to repair what was broken, and it had fallen into obscurity. Most of her life she had felt like that broken down and neglected barn as though no one really cared for her. No one took the time to make sure she was okay, or if she needed something. Jessie had deeply felt the longing to be truly loved…and the childhood neglect had left a void on the inside that she chose to ignore and cover up.

Like a lightning bolt to her soul, she suddenly knew why Josh had come back into her life. Without her ever telling him, he somehow knew, and he had been sent to rescue her. It was a God moment, and she was certain that it was the answer to years of silent prayers, just hoping that God was real and that He was listening.

When the barn was complete, Jessie hosted a reunion for her family at the farm to enjoy the legacy of what Grandpa Joe had started. Gathering on the porch, rocking chairs filled with family and friends relaxing as daylight faded to dusk, her heart was full. This was home, this was love.

Thanks, Grandpa.